To Whom It May Concern


Oh my God, where to even START, you guys.

1) Jason went to the store and bought new, non-shitty plastic wrap. Just...like that. And he threw the old stuff out, like away, for good, even though we probably had enough to complain about for another five or six years. I opened the drawer yesterday and BOOM. Fucking Glad Clingwrap in the motherfucking house.

I immediately started looking for things to wrap in plastic and even ran upstairs to find Jason because LOOK AT THIS BOWL. LOOK AT IT. It's so...sealed. This plastic wrap is so...clingy. Mmmmm, inappropriate.

2) The baby turned on the vacuum cleaner by himself. You know the kind with the button you can hit with your foot? That's the one. 

Anyway, he crawled up to it and smacked the button and the vaccuum roared to life and Ike must've belly-jumped back a full foot before looking at me, like HOLY SHIT I HAVE MADE EVERYTHING SO TERRIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN. 

Afterwards he thought it was pretty funny, actually, and giggled about it for awhile. But not funny enough to do it again, apparently, so I could post a video of it on the Internet. Nine months old and already actively thwarting the mommyblogging! They grow up so fast, these days.

3) Though I promise my annoyance at his refusal to be my vaccuum monkey had nothing to do with my decision to dress him up in a 70's-era pom-pom bonnet for a photo-a-day Instagram challenge. Oh, no. Not at all. 


That's just good old-fashioned MEANNESS, right there.

4) Speaking of Instagram, it's pretty much the only social media thingamabob that I don't actively hate. My Facebook and Twitter have devolved into little more than distribution channels for my Instagram habit.

Every once in awhile I think of something to say -- like how every time I see the word "Linsanity" I wonder just what Lindsay Lohan has gotten herself INTO NOW, or that I just discovered they make jalapeño string cheese and it's really fucking amazing -- but then I existential-dilemma myself out of posting it.

Because in the old days, before Twitter, my blog would have been my only outlet to tell the world about the jalapeño string cheese. And I would have been forced to sit down and figure out a way to wring an entire entry about jalapeño string cheese. (Uphill! In the snow! On DIAL UP.) And it would have been GOOD and FUNNY and I LIKED IT.

But now you can just tweet something short and inane about jalapeño string cheese, so why bother with your dinosaur-ish old blog anymore? Though on Twitter you do run the risk of accidentally tweeting about it right in the middle of some Important News Story That Is Really Putting Things Into Perspective For A Lot Of People Right Now, Like Actual Human Beings Somewhere Are Dying Without Any First World String Cheese At All.

That, or you get an email five minutes later from the Polly-O people who are like, we saw your tweet about jalapeño string cheese and loved it! So real and relatable and social-media-ish! We'd love for you to be an official brand ambassador, which is a fancy title for tweeting about string cheese once a week and liking us on Facebook and installing a blog widget and writing four sponsored posts and getting paid in the chance to win a coupon. Then a week later they send you a testy follow-up to "make sure" you got their original email. 

Anyway. Point is: Jalapeño string cheese, people. Really fucking amazing. Go buy some!

5) Today -- as in once I finish typing this...whatever this is...Ezra is going to cooking school. He's starting a preschooler camp/class thing at the YMCA that's called Little Chefs or something. Possibly even Lil' Chefs. Mini Chefs? I don't know. I did all of two seconds of research on it, during which I was pretty distracted by the sound of my own squeeing. 

Ezra is so super excited about Cooking Camp he can barely stand it. I swear to God, if they give them all little (LIL'!) aprons I will die. I will drop dead, literally.

Right after I Instagram it, of course.



Your blog is still the best. Twitter can't compete.


Sam went to cooking classes in the fall and it was INSANE, the cute. INSANE.


Y'ever see what happens when you accidentally puncture a can of spray cheese?

That's an image that stays with you for yeaaaaars.


That pom pom bonnet picture made me laugh so hard that I almost had the good old milk-through-the-nose. I needed that so badly.

Thank you! Or should I thank Ike?


Just where do you get this Jalepeno Sting cheese? I'm intrigued.


Yeah, I pretty much live tweeted my last trip to Disneyland via Instagram. "Look the queue for Indy!" "Me with Mickey shaped waffles!." Shameless.


HOLD THE DAMN PHONE. They make jalapeno string cheese!?!?!?!?!?? DUDE.


Tot Chefs, perhaps? Please please please? Where Ezra faces an immediate Quickfire challenge, and one of his classmates will get sent home every session?

Wait, I guess they'll all get sent home every session.

But you know what I mean.


My MIL got me these "Covermate Food Covers" for Christmas. I laughed at the time, but now I find them SO USEFUL. No longer do I transfer stuff from a bowl to a Tupperware container to store it in the fridge.
Google it.
Of course, they don't provide a wicked tight seal, so it depends what you're needing...


My girls loved cooking camp through the Y. I can't remember the name either, something like Delicious Delight which made me giggle b/c it was all so happy ending in a room behind the Chinese takeout place pornish if you wanted it to be but just not with the kids involved and well, nevermind. Motherfucking clinging cling wrap!


LOL @lumpyheadsmom!! And one of them gets "immunity" each week...

*I'm glad you mentioned that about fb/twitter because I also get existential crisis-ed out of posting there. Like what if I post something "fluff" and someone else is going through something difficult...and, one dumb comment can derail the entire point of your post...because they are your "friends!" so you have to "respond!," or etc.

With a website, 'they' come to 'you,' so "the people" can't complain.

My fb is basically a series of foursquare posts, so yes I get it!


That's the third time I've seen that picture of Ike, and it's made me laugh every time. The expression on his face is priceless!


Jalapeno string cheese is awesome! I believe Kraft is the brand I bought.


Ooh, cooking classes for preschoolers! Awesome.


DON'T DIE EVER okay that's all bye!


You've read the Roy Orbison in clingfilm stories on the web, haven't you? Because that's what this post made me think of. In fact, I went back and read a bunch of them for the first time in years and near wet my pants laughing.


The entire goal of my weekend will now be to go buy jalapeño string cheese. Have you had the lump of Polly-O mozzarella? It's food of the gods. Give me that with a box of wine any day.
I love the Pom Pom baby sweater. Didn't we all have one of those? Mine is yellow and I put it on Cabbage Patch kids.
My sister in law used to teach a kids cooking class and those kid's made their own pasta to take home! Win!


Some people's brilliance just cannot be contained by Twitter. THAT is why you need a blog, my friend. :)


How is it that you can be THAT funny even when you're just talking about string cheese??!!


HAHAHAHAHA. i just laughed so hard at the polly-o follow up, bc OMGEE YES, seriously, no i don't want to work for the chance to win a coupon and yes i DID ignore your email and no i DON'T appreciate your follow up tone.


and instagram? luv. <3.


I've been running a kids cooking school for the last six years and I give out Lil Aprons, so maybe you should...um...make arrangements?


I'm kind of over twitter, myself.

Mrs Q

Top Chef: Preschool. Can't wait to read your episode recap. I sure hope there's a string cheese challenge.


God, I love you. If we can't turn a good jalapeno string cheese encounter into a full-blown blog post, I really don't see the point of continuing.


"But now you can just tweet something short and inane about jalapeño string cheese, so why bother with your dinosaur-ish old blog anymore?"



(not mine and not dissing jalapeño string cheese)


1. That picture of Ike is the best! He will hate you so much for that one someday.

2. Please get pics of of Ezra at cooking class IMMEDIATELY!

3. Thanks for the info about jalapeno string cheese. My husband and I just started doing low-carb, so this is important information!

Lynn Brooks

So many of my blogs are shutting down:( I'm a dinosaur and I still love the blogs and yours is my top number one read so please don't stop! Waiting patiently for the Ezra Chef blog:)

Leigh Ann

Every time I have a clever quip I go through a short mental debate on whether i should actually tweet it or turn it into a whole post. I'm not so crafty as you!

Jenn's shaved ice machine

Cooking mini school will be great for Ezra. Ezra even looks shocked and can't believe she's going to cooking school.


Very cute! Very interesting day!


Don't feel too bad. I finished reading this entry and realized I was looking for the +1 button.


Please. Never stop the blog! Twitter/tweets can never entertain the way your blog does. Love the pic of Ike! Waiting patiently for pics of Ez in aprons!

jive turkey

I know you said some more things after "jalapeño string cheese," but I did not process anything you said after "jalapeño string cheese." HOW DO I GET THAT GOODNESS IN ME???

jive turkey

Also, I'll let you know when I stop laughing at this comment:

"Cooking mini school will be great for Ezra. Ezra even looks shocked and can't believe she's going to cooking school."

Dude. Spam win.


Duuude, I saw the jalapeno string cheese at the store yesterday and I was reaching for it, but then I realized that I was buying like 3 lbs of cheese already so I figured I would spare the plumbing. Next time!


i'm playing catch-up after a long weekend at home squeezing and smushing my (OMG the time, it flies!) 8 month old baby girl. And I was still crying over the post about pics of your dad when I got to #2 - Ike and the vacuum. OMG teh funny.
so, thanks for making me sob and cry at my desk in the course of 7.3 minutes. Makes me glad i'm alone here today.


You could have just posted the part about the string cheese and that would have been an awesome post by itself.

Poor Ike, I can imagine the look on his face! And that sweater is totes adorbs, as the kids say these days.

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