Parting Shots
SO MUCH NON-STOP CRAZY EXCITEMENT

Underthere

Sponsored post ahoy! In which I talk about my underthings for money. What? Weird? A little? Whatever, there's free stuff for you at the end, so we can all be weird together. Mmmmm, creepy.

My relationship with lingerie is...complicated.

On the one hand, I am a 34-year-old woman who has been pregnant three times. Then hacked open for childbirth three times. I have breastfed three babies and eaten more than my fair share of leftover Halloween candy. I've fallen off the exercise wagon so many times I think it's circled back around and run me over, just for kicks. I am currently at my heaviest non-pregnancy weight, which is also technically slightly more than I weighed at nine months pregnant with Ike, thanks to an extended, shameful holiday love affair with ALL THE BAKED CARB-Y THINGS.

Forget stressing about being naked and/or scantily clad -- these days, I spend enough time trying to look sufficiently non-muffin-topped and saggy while fully dressed. Stretch marks and cellulite? I can't even. I will deal with you later

(STRETCH MARKS: No worries! We'll still be here when you're ready.)

(CELLULITE: Yep, totes not going anywhere either.)

On the other hand:

IMG_5711

I have an awful lot of lingerie. That's a good-sized drawer there, chock full of nighties and see-through naughty frippery. That's a double-decker lingerie collection, collected over the years for anniversaries and Valentine's Days and vacations. Or for extra special occasions, like Going Up Two Cup Sizes From Breastfeeding or WE'RE IN A HOTEL WITH NO CHILDREN HOLY CRAP PARTY.

That photo actually shows the drawer post-organizing-purge, since I recently sat down and went through multiple dozens of lacy silky things in order to edit it all down to a reasonable, well-fitting, non-tacky level. (I used to get the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog in my early 20s, yes. Nothing like one-size-fits-all bras that shed synthetic feathers all over the place, amirite, ladies?) 

At the very bottom of the drawer, I found the lingerie I wore on my honeymoon, almost 14 years ago. And oh, did it all ever make me laugh. Not just the small tag size, but the fact that it was all so...modest. And tame! I was 20 years old and had a butt the size of a postage stamp and a stomach so flat it was practically concave, but I spent my honeymoon more covered up than I usually am on a typical Sunday morning around the house, in front of the kids.

Compared to the plunging/push-up/see-through numbers I've since worn while pregnant, nursing or rocking extra pounds of baby weight, those first little purchases are dripping with old insecurities about how I looked. My boobs were too small, my thighs were too wide, my upper arms were too soft. I didn't really have a good grasp on what "sexy" was, but I remember I definitely thought I was not it. 

I was tempted to hold on to all that stuff, for sentimental reasons, but ultimately tossed most of it in the donate pile. I'd rather make room for things that fit me, now. 

This post was sponsored by Eberjey. Guess what they sell. Guess! Go check them out, then leave a comment here with your favorite item for a chance to win it. (I'm quite partial to the uber-flattering Ingrid chemise, though no, I will not model it for you. You'll just have to take my word for it.) I'll choose a comment at random next week, on 3/14/12. Can't wait that long? Get 15% off your order of lovely things with code AMALAH15 (expires 4/1/12).

Comments

Sarah

This body has survived three babies and would like the Lady Godiva chemise.

Emily S.

I like the Starlight chemise, and I am woefully lacking in the naughty items department! :-)

Anya

I love the Gisele Tunic!

Andrea

OMG! Just what I've been looking for! Sexy, not skanky or childish, lingerie. Everything looks so gorgeous, and also super comfy :) Love it! Win or no win, I'm shopping here! My favorite is the Delirous Chemise...so beautiful.

Emily B

Love the Sabrina Chemise

Lisa

The Giselle Tunic looks super comfy.

Melanie

The Noelle chemise is my style. Alluring, but not so much skin showing that I'm thinking about my deflated boobs. Seriously, though, I'm not sure my husband would even recognize me in anything but my GAP blouse-turned sleep shirt paired with Old Navy flannel pants. Get me a life, please.

Jamie B.

Pretty, pretty stuff...I love the 3/4-Sleeve Bardot Chemise.

eden

love the Lady Godiva Cami.

Jenna V

I would totally live in the Gisele PJ pants! Working from home = need for PJ fashion :)

Karen

Love the Starlight chemise!

Julie

And I love the Gisele Robe, in navy. So pretty, and long enough to wear while making pancakes for my sons - bonus!

Jeannette C.

Oh I love all of the chemises!

Sysha

Ingrid Chemise for me too!

Jules

Oooh, I LUFF the Nadine Chemise!! What a perfect blend of "you might catch a nip slip or peek at my booty if you're lucky" and "you totally can't see my stretch marked belly"!!

Meegs

Love the Emmanuelle Cami!

Beekeebear

the Tigerlily chemise!

Lori

Um. I can't get past that you are donating your lingerie. That seems kind of eww.

Erin G

Love the india shorts and cami! So cute.

Shaynee

I am partial to the Clementine bra and panty (I so dislike that word) set, although my chest will never look that majestic in it.

Rachel

LOVE the Colette Chemise :)

Christiana

Holy man those are all gorgeous! I would choose the Bardot 3/4 sleeve chemise.

Jenn

Sabrina Chemise in pink! A bralet is like a training bra for after your breasts have been trained.*heehee* Housebroken? For small light breasts a small light bra-let. (Let means "little" or is is "ette"?)

Good post!
Jenn

Alyce

I like the Clementine chemise! Woo hoo!

Alison

Ooh, ooh! The Colette Chemise in pebble! Babies and life have left me with ridiculous boobs in a relatively normal body. Lingerie is not sexy when it doesn't fit! Muffin (and side) top boobs or something that make it the 8.1 seconds you need it to stay put does not inspire lingerie purchases! Eberjey had me at "generous cup and body".

Jessie

How would I even choose a favorite? Pretty much all the Retro Bralets must be mine at some point, but I suppose I'm most partial to the Nadine bralet (or the Lola, though I'm not sure it's available in my size anymore). I'm definitely going to be picking out some girly, lacy underthings from them soon though!

Elizabeth C

I love the delirious chemise! And you look awesome considering the 3 babies! "What Sexy is" evolves...

Ally

I like the Nadine Teddy!

Jessica

Can I vote you give the lingerie to a random woman at your local Goodwill who is purchasing donated crotchless panties? I'm going guess she needs it more than any of us? Just saying!

Kim

Gisele chemise...pretty. :)

Di

Count me in for the Starlight Chemise. Love it!

Starfruit

Love! The Gisele Tunic!!
Not sure if I'd qualify though, as I'm in Canada. But still...LOVE!

Mia

Never mind the give away. You're donating undermentioanbles? I mean, people wear other peoples old underoos? I'm totally....

Sara

ohhh I want the gisele tunic...sooo comfy looking...and no comparison to the over sized mickey mouse gown i'm wearing now *sizzle* sexy!

The Moira

Such pretty, pretty things. But they are not made for those of us with unfortunate epic proportions. (I'm a 38G after 3 kids. Reduction pending.) But once I am slightly less cartoonish, I will go look for pretties!

jennchez

Love the India Retro Bralet. I'm 38 years old, I don't look like I did at 21 but between a husband that has never critized after two kids and working out 3-5 times a week I could rock it harder now because I've worked on my self esteem and the love of my hubby of almost 19 years has almost made me feel like the most desirable woman on the planet. EVEN when I wasn't feelin' it he was ever the more supportive without ever a negative word!

Kristin

I've always been a big fan of Eberjey shorties, but I am just *digging* that Bardot 3/4 sleeve chemise.

Trisha R

My first husband looooooved lingerie. I can't count how many Victoria's Secret nightie things I own, along with garters, panties and matching bras, etc. Of course, I was 40 lbs lighter then. My current husband isn't a fan. He's a naked man. A year ago I greeted him at the door in a black see-through frock, which he promptly took off and threw on the floor. That being said, I love the Gisele tunic. I can wear that around the house and feel pretty. And it looks like it comes off pretty easy, too! :-D

Amy

The Colette chemise in Pebble is quite fetching. I have a feeling my husband wouldn't disagree!

tracy

ingrid and sabrina chamise. i am in desperate need of something that is not flannel or an old college tshirt from 15 years ago!

laura

Well, even though I had my last baby 4 years ago, none of my old lingerie fits me yet, sadly. Sigh. I'm sure my husband would be ecstatic to see me in anything other than sweatpants and a t-shirt at bedtime, soooooo - the Gisele Tunic is super pretty!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down

I totally can relate! I have this picture of me at 22 in a bikini on the beach except that I'm wearing my shorts over the bikini bottom. In every single picture. I remember it was because I thought I was way too fat to take them off. And now I would pay money to get that body back!! lol...but now I realize so much more what's important. So I say rock the lingerie and who cares! Oh and I can really relate to being "hacked open". I had 4 csections and that's exactly what it felt like!!

Al

I love the collette chemise! but would my giant boobs fit in it?

die Frau

Loving the Lady Godiva chemise...my birthday's coming up and it would certainly be a nice gift for me AND my husband. :-)

julie w

the emmanuelle pj pant and cami would be perfect!

Candace

Loving that Gisele Tunic! Warmish, but not suffocating during these weird, "Ahh, is it spring?! Winter? Warm and sunny or mind numbling cold and pouring kind of weather... March how I detest thee...

Dena

I had completely forgotten that non-flannel sleepwear existed. The Colette Chemise is lovely!

Liz C

LOVE LOVE LOVE the Delirious Chemise. What a great website! So glad I know it exists now! :)

Carolyn

Wow, what a great find! Hard to pick just one, but I guess in this post-baby, over-40 state, I love the Bardot 3/4 Sleeve Chemise the most.

Barbara

OMG- this was hilarious -- I've long since stopped wearing anything remotely lingerie-ish, but I just wanted to thank you for a great and hearty laugh-- I wish I was 34 again- lol

Siobhan Dobson

It's not the sexist thing there but the Giselle pajamas are so gorgeous in that cornflower blue color. Want to buy all the things!

Val

Love the Lady Godiva chemise

Ashley

I adore the Tigerlily Chemise!!

Suzanne

That's my due date! Here's hoping my fetalgeuse decided to show...

Anyway I like the Gisele PJ set because it has buttons down the front so I can breastfeed and also I might now feel totally gross in it with my newly-post-baby body.

Cheers!

Courtney G.

Can long sleeves be sexy? Because my husband totally deserves sexy (he's just finishing school next week), but the Warm at Heart Chemise looks super cute and comfy!

Kim

The Sabrina Shelf Bra Chemise is beautiful (but although the word shelf...not sexy). I am embarrassed to say I havent purchased any lingerie since before I had my two boys.

Elye

The starlight chemise is gorgeous :)

April G.

Oooh. Those are pretty! And just a little sexy.

I like the chemises, especially the Tigerlily one.

Katie Ceary

I love the Lady Godiva chemise. It was hard to choose a favorite though. Nice stuff!

melanie

I love the Nadine teddy.

Rachael

The Gisele chemise is pretty.

Wendy

I love the India chemise and the Gisele chemise. Oh, the Ingrid is not bad either... *eyes discount code*

Lydia

The gisele tunic or the India Chemise.

nicole

I'm going to have to go with the Ingrid chemise as well. Maybe in red.

juliloquy

I love the vintage stripes cami. Thanks for the contest!

Jillian

I am obsessed *OBSESSED* with the Colette Racerback Bralet. I pinned it on Pinterest about 3 months ago. So pretty.

The Other Elle

Since none of those dainties come in size Gigundo, I am going with the Crochet Chic Hannah Poncho in the swimwear section. At least I can cover up in a flattering way!

betsy

I love Eberjey, and I love you for hosting a giveaway! Fairy Tales bralette. Too cute.

Melanie

I love the India chemise. I really need some new pieces too.

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Jesabes

I like the Portia teddy, although I only looked at the site VERY quickly since I'm at work!

Kelly

Yep, could sure use a new post baby bathing suit.

newpumpkin

My favorite is the Lady Godiva chemise. Godiva was part of the reason I'm shaped like I am and I love it. Happily rounder than I was at 20 before kiddos but still rockin' it like a lady. Thanks!

Allison

It's all beautiful, very feminine! I love the Nadine Chemise.. I think it could hold my "bubbies" up! ;)

Elaine A.

I want a Lady Godiva chemise please! And does it come with chocolate...? ;)

Christina

I think I'd go for the India Chemise.

Heidi

The sweet and simple colette chemise.

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