No Party, All Bullsh*t
Dear LEGO

And I'm Declaring Tomorrow Hawaiian Shirt Day, FYI

Confession: For a week now, I've been living a double life.

A tale of two laptops

I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A WINDOWS MACHINE.

No, not really.

I'm actually having an affair with a CORPORATE CONSULTING GIG.

Or...working on one. Is that what you call it? Werrrr...king? I don't know. I'm rusty. But I sense I should probably drop the affair talk and sex metaphors. And put on some pants. Before I accidentally broadcast something unsavory over that laptop's webcam and VPN. And it's entirely possible that I will do just that because I have absolutely NO IDEA HOW ANYTHING WORKS ON IT. Microsoft has up and changed everything since I last used Windows and it's making me feel quite old and feebleminded. I spent 10 minutes on Friday trying to find the Reply button in Outlook. And then another 15 minutes trying to bookmark a website in Internet Explorer.

(Good thing I'm billing by the hour! HEY-YOOOO!)

(Dear Employer: That was a joke. Please don't fire me.)

Jason (after watching me type a web address in the search bar and a search term in the address bar for the 14th time in a row): Why don't you just install Chrome or FIrefox?

Amy: But I signed something saying I wouldn't download any software!

Jason: Amy, you're allowed to download a browser. 

Amy: But the Imaginary Authority Figures!

(Strange laptops are full of them, you know.)

Jason: The WHAT?

(I still haven't downloaded a browser. That thing I signed was TWO PAGES LONG, you guys. I'm also not allowed use company email to forward chain messages. And I had only six more people to send that poem to before I got a WalMart gift card, alas.)

The job has absolutely nothing to do with Amalah, the blog or the blog personality. I'm doing bloggy-type social-media consulting stuff about blogs and the Twitters and the Socialinterest FaceTubes Plus and whatnot, LIKE ALWAYS, but in a nice non-mommyblogging Times I Got Drunk And Fell Down capacity. You'd probably find the details to be terribly, dreadfully dull.

Which is precisely why I find it so exciting. It's a perfect blend of What I Used To Do and What I Do Now, and every day I feel far corners of my brain -- the dusty business-y recesses -- snapping back to attention, even after a few years of neglect. I'm filling up page after page of legal pads with ideas and lists and tasks and brainstorms. I scribble stuff down on Post-Its on my nightstand and I bought a goddamn dry erase board at Target yesterday. 

Jason: You know Windows has some great programs that'll let you just type all that stuff out and keep it organized and...

Amy: DON'T CRITICIZE MY OLD-SCHOOL PROCESS, YOU. IT'S STILL 2005 WHERE MY BRAIN LIVES, OKAY?

I'm terribly, almost uncomfortably busy. And I'm genuinely enjoying it, even the parts that involve talking to people on the phone. (SO MUCH PHONE, YOU GUYS.) I'm getting better at that, it turns out. Next up I hope to stop hitting the "home" key when I'm aiming for "backspace," like WHAT THE HELL, HOME KEY. YOU SERVE A VERY LIMITED, QUESTIONABLE PURPOSE. 

(And yes, I am completely aware of the hilarious irony that I got my nose pierced in a defiant blaze of work-from-home glory, only to suddenly land a corporate job with The Man a week later. My brilliant timing, let me show you it.)

Anyway, I've got to get back to my strategery and planning to plan and man, these TPS reports ain't gonna TPS themselves, if you know what I mean. Plus I need to hang around the water cooler kitchen sink while talking to myself about Game of Thrones and wondering who keeps pouring herself the last cup of coffee without brewing another pot. God, this place, sometimes.

Comments

Whitney

I know that when I am writing my official/journalism/etc fashion column I try to stay as official as possible and follow the rules, too. So I def know where you are coming from!

SarahB

Congratulations!

Megan

I'm also in the "at-home, but suddenly still doing what I used to do, sort of" phase, too.

It's crazy and fun, and I'm ridiculously lucky. Best of luck with the new job!

Lynda M O

You crack me up. That's good. Here's hoping Ike's teething goes smooth and the Man loves you all the way to the bank that holds their college fund accounts.

Rebecca

Awesome! I envy your ability to work from home, I would be an epic failure at it. The internet, it cals me...

jillian

meh. I work for...the company that made one of those laptops (and/or those programs) and I have a nose ring. Rebels unite!

MissRed

That was hilarious :-) . I'm also mumbling to myself about Game of Thrones today (except I work in an office, but no one else watches it(!!))....I mean, the ending, WTF?

Just wanted to chime in to say I've been a long-time reader and enjoy your corporate-THE-MAN-based posts too!

Lisa

ooooo.... I'm so excited we get to hear your opinions of work-place happening again!!
The things people post on their walls, who brought in the cookies, etc...
I can't wait!

Jadzia

Frankly, I'm a little envious of ANYBODY who gets to put on non-spit-uppy clothes, get in the car ALONE (did you get in the car?), and go someplace with grownups. For an ENTIRE DAY.

But yeah, after four years of Mac-only, PCs absolutely baffle me. They make me feel like I'm wearing mittens.

sara

Congrats! I got my company to order me a dry erase board the other day and I am still SO EXCITED about it.

Also i've been alternating between a PC and a Mac for many years (i have both in my office (one for design programs i pretend to know what i'm doing in, and the other for actual insurance related bizness). While it does get better, I still accidentally download websites in HTML many times a week when I try to just open a new tab using the mac track pad. Because which button is it? Control or Option? What does command do? aaaaarrrrrg.

Erika Mitchell

Way to go! Isn't it nice to work on something grown-uppy and feel your brain just sort of come back to life?

erin r

u rock

Becca Lynn

How awesome for you!! I know what you mean, after doing the same, less "contribute to society"ish, and then "ZOMG, People are wanting me to do stuff".

I'm glad someone is taking advantage of your awesomeness. :-)

rikki.o

How did you get in my brain? This is exactly what I am doing right now. I have been working full-time from home for several years now, and recently signed on for some regular corporate work.

I currently have no less than THREE computers on my desk—one of them the dreaded company-loaned PC—along with literally 8 new passwords to remember due to the company's insane security!

Recently, I realized how rusty I was at corporate politics as I awesomely chose to talk to ALL THE WRONG PEOPLE about some issues and pissed of my direct reporting supervisor. Beware the eggshells my friend!

**Also, this from Jadzia: "PCs absolutely baffle me. They make me feel like I'm wearing mittens." YES!**

bar sinks


If your looking to purchase a bar sink for business or pleasance than take a little time utility sink faucets to ideate what your new sink would feeling similar if it were decent there in front of you, if it appears good then croak and stimulate one.

Sarah

I just started working from home full time (plus running my own business and the kids). It's crazy busy, but I'm starting to feel like I have contributions to make to the world again. It's great. (I actually kind of wish my company would provide me with a computer. I adore my Mac, but the poor girl is getting old and slowish).

Robin

I totally followed the link to BAR SINK in that comment. Wow. I mean, that's pure poetry, right there.

Also: you are awesome and I love it that the business part of your brain is snapping to attention, it gives me so much hope.

Ami

Should you decide you want to be all 2012 and use Windows' new features, email me. I work for a major tech publisher and I could order you some good reference books for 50% off cover price. I will email you too, but I figured you might need to go look for this email. I'll send it from my corporate address so you know I'm not lying (so look for asullivan, but not the after@part you see on the address I list here).

Anywho, congrats and all that. Glad you found a good marriage of skills and desire.

Jacqueline

I have a mac at home, but my office is Windows based. It's been this way for 3 years and I still go to the left side to exit on my office computer daily. Mac is just a more user friendly system and I'm sure my bosses are sick of hearing me tell them so every time one of the office computers does something dumb. Lucky for them, I work from home most of the time too, so they only have to hear my sass 2 days a week.

Maricris @ SittingAround

ha, ha. This is funny. Congratulations, anyway!

Jen

I love you. You are hilarious. I needed a laugh after a long day! THANKYOU!!!

Shannon @nwaMotherlode

Cheers, Amy! That's fabulous!!

Jules

It's hard to get good help. The girl who drinks the last cup of coffee? She works at my house, too.

The comments to this entry are closed.