Another Day, Another Onslaught

At the risk of further cementing my place as your One-Stop Blog For Stories About Barfing*, I have little else to share today other than: Yes. Another stomach bug has been making the rounds among our little germbuckets.

Last night it hit Baby Ike around 1 am, announcing itself with a TREMENDOUS splashy yawwwwwwp right as I walked into his room and felt something wet hit me in the knees and slide slowwwwwwly down to my feet. 

The morning after, annotated version:


His crib was an unspeakable cage of horrors, as evidenced by the skinned musical seahorse — there's no hope in getting Ike to sleep without the thing, so I yanked the cover off and let him cuddle up with the battery pack.

After much scrubbing and laundry and two or three dunks in the bathtub, I eventually resigned myself to a night sleeping upright in the rocking chair, with my torso covered in old beach towels and my arms draped with prefold diapers, while poor sweet Baby Ike fitfully slept on my chest and whimpered because Mom, That Really Sucked And I Did Not Like It, Let's Not Do That Again.

He's absolutely fine now, by the way. 

And also, of course:


(Not Pictured: My tired-ass self, lying on the floor in an exhausted heap.)

*On the other hand, maybe I should just own it at this point and SEO the shit out of these posts for stuff like puke, barf, vomitorium, when do the real grown-ups arrive and we're gonna need moar paper towels ew ew ew.



what's up with the weird smartphone survey? it popped up when I visited today


Barf is just the worst. Good thing he's cute.


I feel your pain. My 3 year old have taught himself to vomit. What kind of kid does that?


Glad to know I'm not the one that swaddles myself in washable protection when comforting a pukey kid. Here's to hoping Ike's is short-lived. My kid had it for a week. <--- That should not be allowed.


Oh, LORD. Puke is just the worst. It's like my kryptonite...I can handle blood, broken limbs, or stitches. But puke strikes fear into my heart like no other. Maybe because we just had a week (a week! Seven DAYS.) where my three year old would wake uP and hurl all over his room at about 2am every single night. Turns out it was sinus drainage irritating his stomach, but still. Not much comfort in THAT when you're stripping sheets and scrubbing carpet at 3:00 in the goddamn morning. For a week.


As a first-time mom to a 7.5-month-old, and a bit of an OCD neat-freak, I am NOT looking forward to the Puke Monster's first visit to our house.

I may need to buy a case of Lysol wipes this weekend as a pre-emptive measure.


haha I love the SEO mention. That is hilarious.

Poor baby :(


OhDear.... Seeing/hearing/smelling puke makes me puke. Every single time. My favorite body shield when holding a pukey child is actually..... A snuggie!
Think about it- most of them are poly/fleece and therefore almost impossible to stain. They cover your whole body while keeping your arms free. I literally own about 8 of them now for the sole purpose of barf protection.
Sending positive thoughts your way. Maybe he will just take a good solid nap for you? Probably not but here's hoping.

Amy in StL

OMG, I have no idea how mom's do it. Seriously! I mean, I know someone has to and you can't just move everytime there is vomit covering all surfaces - but there should be a badge.


My son was a big-time barfer too. Barf rags were stashed all over the house, and I never left home without at least one or two on my person.

He's 18 months old now, which means my primary focus is now poop instead. But yeah, for a long time everything was barf.

I even schedule getting changed around whether or not my clothes smelled like barf. It was always just a matter of time, and changing before then seemed like a waste.


@anna Not sure. I don't have any pop-up/popover ad zones so that shouldn't be coming from my site. If it happens again send me a screenshot and I'll have FM look into it.


My 3 yr old had her first, real puking experience last night. We bedshare so the first two times it landed on me and we had to change sheets. The third time there was some warning so I was able to contain it. She was surprisingly stoic about the whole ordeal, and this morning she was her usual, cheerful self.


I applaud you for not saying you held back your own spewage while cleaning up his spewage. Because ew ew ew, I always fight barfing over their barf. I tend to get very very busy at 3 a.m. when that shit happens so that my husband has to jump into action (and then roll his eyes later saying you didn't really have the runs, did you?).

Glad he's feeling better, albeit wide goddamn awake.


35+ years later... I still remember in vivid color and smell. There is a real difference between those who pick up the barfing child and those who leave it in the crib for the other parent. An important criteria deal breaker in spousal choosing.
MUCH SYMPATHY. You (and all other barfy child holders) are American Heros.


Poor little guy! Poor mom! Our last pukeorama involved the kid who sleeps on the top bunk. My biggest sympathies lay with his poor brother on that one...


Not that I'm glad it's happening to you, but thank God it isn't just this household with the neverending pukes. The 4yo puked last Sunday/Monday, I think due to a minor lactose intolerance I hadn't yet diagnosed, and then again this Monday night, all night, more lactose issues with a side of drainage her tummy cannot handle. She has the opposite of an iron stomach. Then Tuesday night the 9yo barfed, every couple hours, run to toilet, bark, mom holds hair, ok? ok. back to bed, 2 hours later...repeat. Gah I hate puke. I'm sorry, I hope Ike feels better and no one else pukes on you for at least a year.


Yep. We have extra seahorse skins because the twins used to use them like shotput when they were babies. Tossed the broken insides and kept the shells for just in case moments.


I had a student when I was teaching who had a severely disabled sister who loved that seahorse. Her mom ALWAYS had like 3 extra seahorse skins in her bag for when it would fall in a puddle, get drenched in drool, or be otherwise incapacitated.


Earlier today I was reading the 2005 part of your blog where the barfing was YOURS, from carrying wee Noah. All the mopping up from sick kids, especially after repeat cycles, is bone-wearying. Hang in there!


I am so sorry for you guys, as we just got over a tummy bug too. But, man... you're funny.


Sorry for your pain, but it's hilarious. Don't worry - I have a 5 month old and am barfed on often as well.


Big BIG hugs! I feel your pain. I have a son who cries so hard he nearly makes himself puke every single time. It's disturbing and I'm a sympathy gagger. If nothing else, I'm sure it's entertaining.


Again, so glad I can just live vicariously through others rather than having to clean up barf in the middle of the night (oh wait... my dog did just that the other night. never mind)


I read your blog before I had a baby and it terrified me. I remember thinking "Do kids really puke THAT much?? OMG I will never ever have children if they puke that much." Then I got pregnant and I swear the first thing I said was "Please don't let this baby throw up as much as Amy's kids, please." We've had a few incidents and I'm still seriously puke-a-phobic but I've managed to survive. My theory is that when you have older kids in school they bring home all kinds of crud and get everyone sick with it. Kids are like roadkill, just teeming with bacteria and viruses, I swear. I have a question though. I've developed this unholy terror of stomach bugs because I'm scared if I get one I won't be able to care for the baby. So how do mothers take care of their kids when they themselves are ill and their husbands can't take off from work and they have no nannies?


UNSPEAKABLE CAGE OF HORRORS... hotdamn, Amy, sometimes I forget what a rollickingly creative and funny writer you are, and then you pull something like this out of your ass and it just puts me on the ground.

May it be months before anyone hurls within a mile of you.

Caroline in hawaii

Dawn B

My 6 year old barfed a few months ago. Literally.. A GEYSER that bounced off of him, from the top of the bunch, to the floor and me. He then laughed. I hope that the barf stay away from you guys for forever. Or at least a very long time.

Dawn B

oh crap not "bunch" it was his bunk bed. haha

Natosha Hiltibran

My baby who is like a week younger then Ike is sick with her first stomach bug. She threw up all over us in the grocery store today while buying pedialite lol hope little man is feeling better.

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