Baby Ike Walking, A Play In Four Acts
Fun With Hand-Me-Downs

Firemen! Kittens! Tequila! Oh My!

Hey! So anybody remember that little trip I took up to New York City, the one I wasn't allowed to tell you anything about at the time? And a few of you kept occasionally asking me just what in sam hill that was all about and I ignored you until y'all just gave up and stopped asking, because I WILL BREAK YOUR SPIRIT AND YOUR ATTENTION SPAN? 

Anybody? No? Excellent! Perfect time to bring it back up, then. 

So after all the secrecy and embargos and hush-hushness about it, I am thrilled to report that I have been cast as Marilyn Monroe in a new Broadway musicaHA HA JUST KIDDING. No, actually I went up to watch a commercial being filmed.

A tequila commercial.

Now, yes. Tequila and I have had a rocky relationship. We broke up in college and I've occasionally tried to make it work, we've been on but mostly off, because I KNOW tequila can be kind of a jerk but...he's so pretty! And tasty! And he goes so well with tacos! 

And so I allowed myself to be once again be seduced by the handsome rogue of tequila and convinced to run off and spend the day with him in New York. Not drinking, or anything, just...you know. To hang out. Talk about our feelings. Just be. Shhh. It's okay now.

(Tequila: The Ikea of the booze world. If that ingenious TV/media storage cabinet fails to solve all your problems, try a margarita instead.)

I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn to head to the train station, and kicked things off Classic Amalah Style by sending my phone FLYING out my car door in a freak charging cable accident. It hit the pavement and the screen shattered.

Awesome.

The good news is that the cracks gave any self-portrait photos I took a lovely, angelic sort of glow:

IMG_5335

Never underestimate how flattering a giant patch of upper-arm-and-chin-diffusing light can be, ladies. 

Catherine (aka Her Bad Mother) was also invited to come watch the commercial, which was for Sauza Tequila. They were not aware of our History Together, aka That Time We Did An Interpretative Dance Routine During Total Eclipse Of The Heart karaoke And Very Nearly Killed Each Other. I mean, not that it mattered. I love her like a sister. I'm over it. 

Amalah karaoke injury

(AND YET I AM JUST SAYING.)

Anyway! I'd never been to a real live set before. I must say I don't necessary recommend it to anyone who -- like me -- lives in constant fear of being scolded or shushed by Imaginary Authority Figures. Because YOU WILL BE SHUSHED. You will not be able to whisper quietly enough. You will become more aware of the sound of your shoes than you ever were before. The words "ROLL SOUND" will forever shut your ass up faster than...I don't know. FAST.

IMG_5348

IMG_5350

IMG_5383

You will also learn (the hard way) that food stylists are not bartenders. None of this is for you. Woez.

IMG_5338

You will be offered about a bajillion different kinds of tea, however.

IMG_5339

I debated over trying a cup of the Sugar Controller Blood Cleansing Tea, but thought maybe that sounded a little too loud.

IMG_5387

Not that the lack of actual alcohol consumption saved me from nearly killing myself on Various Wires Of Trippy Doom approximately FOUR MILLION HOJILLION TIMES.

IMG_5391

This is Catherine, posing in front of the door she accidentally slammed (WHILE SOUND WAS ROLLING) and it literally sounded like the fists of God punching a tower of tequila bottles filled with pennies.

Not pictured: Me hyperventilating on the stairs nearby, half out of asshole laughter and half out of OMG THEY ARE GOING TO FIRE THE MOMMYBLOGGERS.

IMG_5371

I totally got to play on the fire engine, by the way. My kids would have been so jealous if they had any idea and/or interest in what Mommy does with her life.

IMG_5381

I also totally got to meet this guy, the Sauza Fireman Guy. He reminded me vaguely of Alcide from True Blood -- and I spent much of the day pointing out the resemblence to various people, none of which had ever seen a single episode of True Blood and instead just stared at me, blinking, while I decided that maybe they'd know what I was talking about if I repeated "ALCIDE FROM TRUE BLOOD" in a louder voice but SHHHHHHH WE'RE ROLLING SHUT UP, GOD. 

Not pictured: The photos I took posing with him. Turns out me standing next to very very ridiculously good-looking (and funny, nice, expert drink-mixing) guys who vaguely remind me of Alcide from True Blood is not exactly my best angle. My chins multiply when I'm nervous. DEL-ETE.

IMG_5389

Luckily, there was really good butter and cheese and stuff on the craft services table to comfort-eat in the wake of ego-bruising photos. Stupid cameras making it look like I need to lose 15 pounds for no stinking good reason oh wait

Also:

IMG_5361

A kitten in a beret, people. A kitten in a goddamned beret. Easily the best part of the whole day. But more on him later.

Here's the finished commercial. I hope that I have added value to the viewing experience by helping you picture the exciting behind-the-scenes goings-on of me and Catherine 1) falling down, and 2) bumping into things. You guys, I WAS RIGHT THERE!

AND I ATE ALL THE BAGUETTES. 

Thanks to Sauza for sponsoring this post (and my trip to New York City), and for not firing me and Catherine over the door-slamming thing. It was an accident! As was the smaller, secondary slam that happened when I made her recreate the incident for the camera. I SWEAR.

Comments

Jenn

OMG KITTEN. I want that kitten. Beret is optional. (The guy isn't half bad either, hahaha.)

anna

That was actually a hilarious ad. I loved when he was suddenly stirring all shirtless.

Amanda Pack

Swoon

Kirsty

Do you think he makes transatlantic calls? I mean, he speaks French and all... And I'm sure I could use him to help me with...er...a computer problem? Yeah. That's it. A computer problem.

David

When did the French start making cats? First Cee-Lo sitting Playboy style with his giant chubby Mr. bigglesworth and no French cats! Bet he drives that fire truck too... Omg.

David

Oh, and after watching the finished spot, this drink is def for chicks. Almost two minutes of a kitten and a dude whose shirt mysteriously disappears and reappears in no way makes me thirsty for tequila. Bring me the whiskey! Darn French kittens.

christine

Wow, tough life.....Tequila commercials eh? Can I be your new best friend? LOL

Olivia

I think he looks a bit more like the main dude from Hell on Wheels.

Curious, what was your actual job for this? Was is really to just watch and then report on your blog? I really need to a different job if that is the case. ;-)

Zinna

Oh my god. That commercial totally made my morning. Thanks for sharing.

Jenn

OMG... hot firefighter, cute kitten and tequila? I'm sold. Lol!

Arnebya

Ha. I do remember this, just never wanted to ask all internet stalkery, "say, remember that time you had said..."

I just lost an hour of my life returning to a picture of a kitten in a beret just to think oh how I want to fluff him because he's a wee fluffy kitten. In a beret.

And Jose Cuervo is my boyfriend. I must admit, though, I am cheating on him with Smirnoff vodka today, totally not on purpose. That damn $.05 bag tax. I put it in my purse so as not to have to pay the nickel and forgot about it. Until I was boarding Metro this morning. And now all I can think at work is you bastards fuck with me today and I am totally gonna drink some vodka at lunch. I'LL SHOW YOU! The kitten in a beret is NOT my imagination.

Christine

Those people know how to make an ad. I'm just sayin'. And I don't even like tequila.

Hailey

I love that his shirt was suddenly missing, then after a quick shift of the camera, it was right back on. But really..................it should have just stayed off.

Debbie

OMG I don't know whether to drool or to squee!!

Plano Mom

I was a Patron gal until today. Gonna buy a bottle of Sauza and some jeggings.

Kimberly

Ha. That commercial is great. Also, I learned something - light beer you say? Happy to try that addition out.

Meghan

He does look like Alcide!!

Della

Was this as funny to watch in little bitty chunks on-set as it is to watch in finished form?

Jules

That commercial is totally weird. I'm glad you had fun, though :)

Joy

Hilarious!!!

Steve

Lol! I totally can sympathize with your relationship to tequila. Hope you had a fun time in NYC. Can't wait to hear more about the kitten in a beret!

Debbie

I am very much the target audience for this commercial. Oh yes, well played Souza!

However, I couldn't help but be distracted by the cute kitty on the counter. Cat litter paws... Down, please.

Karen Chatters

OH MY GAAWD!!! WHERE DID HIS SHIRT GO? WHY'D THEY PUT IT BACK ON? AND WHO IN THE HELL WROTE THAT COMMERCIAL???

Sorry, I'm totally done yelling now.

menderz

That sounds like the worst recipe for margaritas ever!

Audrey

That is excellent HEY GIRL bandwagoning going on right there.

Nancy

That was hilarious. And so were the subtitles. "Licks spoon seductively." But back up a second... why exactly did they want mommybloggers there at the filming? I don't get it...

Amy in StL

Poor misguided soul, Leggings are not pants. NOT. I've forwarded this to my fireman boyfriend to make sure he is aware that their training should be better. Also, to suggest he makes me more margaritas.

Amanda

When you add a bottle of beer to your margarita mix you MUST take off your shirt JUST for that part, or it won't taste as good. Obvs.

Actually, in my experience, the margarita tastes way better when you nix the cat, add another hot shirtless fireman, and remove the jeggings.

Julie

Hot shirtless fireman, adorable cat, yadda, yadda...serves 9(!) WTF? Nine? In what itty bitty tea totally universe would that be?

Reb @ Sink or Swim

What a great opportunity! I am also a 'must stick to the rules or will get into TROUBLE' kind of person, even as an adult. Although you put it much, much funnier...
I'm so sorry you didn't get to sample the wares!

Stephanie

Wow. I totally had a craving for a margarita yesterday and it was without the help of the most adorable kitten and hot fireman. I made my husband go and get limes, Tequila and Triple Sec. But if I had seen that first, I would have got my lazy butt of the couch and bought them myself. :)

Roberta

Oh. My. God. *fans self* I don't know whether I want the fireman, the kitten in the beret, or the margarita first. Because I do want them all. That was outstanding. I can't believe you were THERE.

Barb

Wow. And you were there. (holding kitten with beret is proof)

Kris

Wow. That was, um, "different".

Very nice eye candy. (Although I'm completely baffled by the shirt on shirt off shirt on thing. Why not just leave the damn shirt off?????)

Rachel

Really? I totally missed the shirt disappearing...I guess I was more focused on how good that MARGARITA was lookin'.

-k-

And that was the sound of the bar being raised for courting sponsored posts.

(Next time, though, hold out for actual margaritas. They offered tea? TEA? WTF.)

Sue C

I don't even drink and I SO want to try some of THAT! LOL!! Bet that was a great day!

Megan

First thing I thought when seeing the still of fireman on my little phone screen was Alcide.

Evelynne

I don't even drink and I am going to run right out and buy that Sauza tequila and give it to people I know who drink tequila. Starting with my husband. Who now has to take off his shirt to make his margaritas.

He really got me when he told me leggings ARE pants. Yes! Yes! They are! Because he said so!

Cyn

It's great, it's a great post and the fireman is hot with and without shirt and I'm intrigued by the addition of beer to a margarita recipe and the kitten is adorbs but ...but WHY, Amy? Why were you and Catherine there? I'm guessing there's more to come. I hope so, because your readers is puzzled-like.

Megan

No seems to have noticed this except me, but this isn't your typical ladies' dream man - it's your typical ladies' dream gay best friend eye-candy man.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

It just takes a certain kind of man to talk to me about leggings, but it's usually not a man I'm sleeping with or hoping to sleep with....unless we're both really really drunk on tequila (oh wait, I get it!)

carrie

i cannot love this enough. i saw it on mamapop yesterday, i will be sharing the shit out of this particular clip, and people will hate me til they finally watch it. totally worth it. droooooool.

Jen

Uniform? Attractive man? What are you people talking about? All I see is kitten, and all I hear is that leggings are indeed pants (and an inaccurate French translation, but I won't spoil all the fun).

JulesInDC

Can the Sauza guy challenge the Old Spice guy to a handsome-off? And then invite me to judge? Ok, thanks.

Big Gay Sam

I love you. Seriously. Love.

Now can I have him and the margarita for my birthday?

fancybob

"Tequila: The Ikea of the booze world"... truer words have never been spoken.

Lizzy

Man, I was really hoping I'd hear the door slam...

Lizzy

Oh... and um, so what did you have to do with the commercial? Were you the writer? Were you there just to add some fun energy? What's up?

Rachel

I don't drink and I still want that bottle of tequila. Well done, Sauza, well done.

Jen DW

I want every single thing in that commercial. Including the fire truck.

Ok, not everything. I would NEVER make a margarita with lime-ade. I have some pride.

Heather

Did you get to keep the kitten is what I want to know.

Jessica

I am so totally gonna use that recipe with those ingredients. No, not because he's smoking hot, but because I love me a good margarita and I'm always willing to try a new recipe. Aaaannnddddd... Scene. Whew - I managed to not slam any doors or trip over anything. And, I totally spoke the truth. Good job, everyone - really great. Love you Amy - you rocketh!

Juliane

Oh. My. Gawd.
How can I adopt that kitten?

Juliane

Seriously. Can you put me in touch with the kitten "trainer." I really want to adopt that kitty! I've googled - to no avail.

The comments to this entry are closed.