Another Day, Another Onslaught
Your Comprehensive Guide To Mornings With A 3.5 Year Old


Good Christ, this week. It is almost over. Good riddance, week! Thanks for bringing us the Craigslist ad about the beards and the unicorns and all, but other than that? Go away. Fuck you.

Since I spent the vast majority of my week either 1) cleaning puke off of various sufaces and a wide variety of fibers, OR 2) sitting at my desk staring at multiple laptops and like, flowcharting deliverable synergies and shit, I don't really have much to blog about.


Instead, I'm going to mass-address some questions you guys have asked recently, either over email or in the comments, and I'm sorry for ignoring you in both of those places. I have an excuse, I swear. And it's that I'm a terrible person. 

QUESTION: Omg, did you see that video about the dad who recorded his son's special education teachers and discovered they were bullying him and saying awful things and...

ANSWER: No. I mean. Yes. I wrote about the video at Babble. It's complicated. On the one hand, RIGHTEOUS FURY. On the other, I need to not watch things that will make me cry for a million years. 

QUESTION: Omg, did getting your nose pierced hurt?

ANSWER: No. I mean. Yes. Getting a sharp metal object forced through your cartilage is not an entirely painless process. However, I found that getting my ears re-pierced a couple years ago hurt way worse. Two holes instead of one, and the healing process took a LOT longer. Probably because I kept whacking my ears with my hand whenever I flipped my hair (which I never realized I do a million times a day, apparently), or rolling over on them in my sleep. The nose piercing felt vaguely bruised for a couple days, but feels just fine now, honestly. 

And circling back to the actual piercing part? Let's just say that compared to getting a GIANT GODDAMNED NEEDLE JAMMED IN YOUR SPINE in preparation for childbirth, or trying to do things like STAND UP or GET OUT OF BED or BREATHE DEEPLY after the post-c-section Vicodin has worn off, getting your nose pierced is more like stubbing your toe, you big giant baby.

Although your one eye will water uncontrollably, depending on what side you pierce. That was weird.

QUESTION: Omg, what do the kids think of it? 

ANSWER: It took them several days to notice. I went with the tiniest possible stud available, and figured I could upgrade to something a bit flashier once it's healed and not such a dicey situation if the baby grabs it. (He has yet to grab it.)

Noah said, "Heeeeey. What's wrong with your nose?" I told him it was jewelry, and I think I was still pronouncing the L sound when his eyes rolled back into his head out of boredom because GAH JEWELRY I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR FEMALE NONSENSE, WOMAN, LEGOS LEGOS LEGOS. 

Ezra stared at it once and asked to touch it. I told him no, not yet. He also promptly went back to Not Giving A Shit. 

I'm gonna have to up my game in order to shock them, I guess. Tough crowd.

QUESTION: Sorry, but it looks like a zit.

ANSWER: LOL, I know. I'm not entirely sure what happened with that initial photo I posted — all the silver-y-ness of the stud got washed out, even though it looked fine before I uploaded it. It is a rounded bumpy sort of stud, which may not have been the best choice. Meh. I can change it in about a month, and would be super appreciative of any recommendations on places to buy non-shady nose jewelry that won't give me a flesh-eating disease, or something. 

(I'd usually go with Etsy but I'm super-mad at them right now, along with the rest of the planet. LAMESAUCE RESELLER BULLSHIT.)

QUESTION: But wait! Aren't you going to have to take it out, now that you're working for The Man?

Nope. Sorry if I confused anyone — I was aiming for vague and stumbled straight into cryptic — but I am still working from home. I'm just working a lot MORE from home, doing non-mommyblogging worky things. Another 20 hours a week, actually. Which, combined with everything else I do, basically means I'm working full time. But from home. And probably not forever. It's a consulting contract, so nothing permanent. I'm helping a company launch a corporate blog and related social media strategies and best practices and documentation for the process and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It's only exciting if you are me. Luckily, that's exactly who I am! So I'm loving it. 

I will be leaving my little hobbit hole and taking my first steps into a corporate office environment next week, however, just to meet some people in person. Just me, my nose ring, and my fuzzy interpretation of what "business casual" means these days. I will be leaving my propensities to embarrass myself and walk into walls at home. I hope.

Oh, whatever. You know that'll never happen. I'll probably lose a shoe heel in the parking lot or accidentally lock myself in a bathroom stall. Or both! And I'll remember why I stopped going out in public on a regular basis in the first place. 



Business can totally wear flats. But make sure they are cute. And not, like the slip on shoes you bought during your last pregnancy when you got tired of trying to tie laces...Not that I'm wearing those right now at my office or anything. Nope...nuh uh. Not me.

Mom In Two Cultures

I got locked in a bathroom stall when I was 8 months pregnant. Not cool having to slide out on my back. Not cool at all. Oh, and I got hit by a distracted dentist--she was in a car and I was walking through the crosswalk. It was green and she was running a red light. I never knew a pregnant person could move so fast, much less me. But, wait, you didn't ask about any of this. So, forget it.


I pierced my nose 8 years ago and still wear it. One thing I have to say is that it's brutally painful to upsize your hole. If you've got a little stud now, you might be hard pressed to go much bigger without some work and pain.


I actually pierced my nose myself when I was in college. Twice. That was because I kept taking them out because I was sure I'd infected myself so badly that my nose would fall off, even though I'd sterilized everything pretty thoroughly. With the alcohol that was running through my blood at the time, naturally. Whiskey is antiseptic, right?

I went to a proper place and had it done about a year later sans alcohol. I took it out when I graduated and entered 'The job force.' I still miss it but will forever have the scar to remember it by.


Hi Amy,

The best place to get jewelry for new piercings is a tattoo shop that also does piercings. I'm not sure what's available in your area but where I am they usually carry a wide variety and I know that they are safe to use as it's highly regulated here. Though you still have your shady spots. :)

This is quite honestly the GREATEST nose ring I have ever used. I wear it almost exclusively now. It's made out of a hypoallergenic material called "bioplast" that is kind of plasticy. It's flexable which is great for when little hands bump your nose. You don't end up with the pointy jagged bit stabbing the inside of your nose and making that bleed (When I wore a metal nose ring I had that happen quite often).

The spiraly screw shape is comfortable and you don't have to worry about losing it. It comes in about a jillion different colours if you poke around on the site a little bit I'm sure you'll find something you like. The pretty gem end is also removable so if the idea of having a semi plastic thing in your nose for ages grosses you out you can get new ones and change them as often as you like. I hope this helps!


I have ordered jewelry from both of those site successively (once you get past the names).

I changed mine out too early and thus had MAJOR healing issues. Plus, mine was pierced with a "nose screw" which is sort of a cork screw kinda thing that is hellacious to remove and replace. I switched mine to a "nose bone" which is basically a straight pin with a slightly larger ball on one end. You have to get it through the hole but once you do I find it's much easier to get the damn thing in.

I like the inert bioplast ones too and used those for a while before it was fully healed. I used to change mine out pretty regularly with different colored jewels (and once a ring which DOES NOT suit me) but I'm sporting a teeny silver ball now and will probably keep that indefinitely.


This description of Ezra: "He also promptly went back to Not Giving A Shit" describes my son perfectly, even when he is the one asking the question. I can barely get two words out in reply before his brain shifts to Legos. Boys!!


Haven't watched that video, refuse to watch that video (probably about to click over and watch that video).

Business casual. Pssh. I've been in my nice shirt, wool (lined!) pants and New Balance all day. I can't helpl thinking screw the man and their "rules", it's Friday.

@Mom in Two Cultures -- the back slide out of the locked stall...I knows it well. Had to turn sideways b/c my stomach was too high to go straight under though. Being a hermit has its appeal.


Wow I did not know about that Etsy drama. Yikes!

Suzy Q

Another one here not in the know re: the etsy dramz. I love etsy! But then again, I am not buying furniture from the site.


Don't waste your time trying to shock small children. Wait until they're teenagers - that's so easy it's almost a crime. ANYTHING you do will embarrass and shock them because, you know, you're supposed to kind of fade into the background so they can pretend like they don't have parents.

My top tips:

1. Get your navel pierced.
2. Pick them up from their part-time job in your pyjamas. Bonus points if you're giving one of their friends a ride home.

You're welcome.


I've had my nose pierced twice and it hurt way worse than anything else I've pierced (including my belly button and all up and down my ears). I don't know why I took it out last time, but I miss it so I'm going tomorrow to get it redone. I'm also getting my first tattoo this summer. That one I'm a little worried about. Can anyone tell me how that ranks on the pain scale vs all those piercings I've gotten?


Wow I had no idea about the Etsy drama! That makes me sad.
That school/father and son live in my town, everyone here is absolutely horrified. The whole thing is just disgusting.


Heh, I pierced my own nose back in 1995 with a sewing needle and a cheap fake pearl earring. It took me a half an hour to get the needle through because there was nothing to hold on the needle and I have a very thick nose. After almost throwing up and passing out I finally got it through and jammed the cheesy earring in it.
Even with a pretty bad infection that lasted months, I refused to take the eyesore of an earring out because I knew it would close back up and I would never have the courage to do it again.
The happy ending is that I've hardy ever worn a ring in it for the last 10 years (I work for the man) and am still able to put one in, it has never closed up all the way. There have been times when I kind of had to jam one through the last layer of skin but it has never really hurt and I have never regretted the piercing.


Wait! I am so out of the loop that I have no idea what that Craigslist ad reference is about, and they've apparently removed it. Can one of the cool kids fill me in? The curiosity is eating me up.


Christy, I have a nose ring and a tattoo, and the nose ring def. Hurt worse, but for a shorter period of time. It was like one short POW of pain, whereas the tat was more like an itchy buzz, like rubbing a prickly leaf.

Brandi Long

This was an amazing post. Thanks.

But I Do Have a Law Degree

I didn't know you got a nose ring - I love it! I get the mid-motherhood crisis. Last year I started really wanting a tattoo. REALLY wanting one. But I am waiting on it because I want it to represent my kids and what if I have one more kid and then I don't like the original one and have to turn it into a unicorn or something? Such is the struggle of a mid-motherhood tattoo. I can't do a nose ring because my nose is way too big.


I love me some business casual. Just fire up the DVR and check out a few episodes of what not to wear. Dark pants (dark wash jeans if denim is allowed), a cute top that nips in at your narrowest point, a casual jacket, and a statement necklace and you're good to do.

Because you TOTALLY should be taking fashion advice from me, the lady who is surfing the internet at 4pm in her jammies.


I have had my nose pierced for 10 years. I have worked for a Senator, a lobbying firm and now work at a trade association. It isn't a big deal at all. My wrist tattoo isn't either. The world be changing.

Also, I really think the best place to get new jewelry is tatto/piercing shops. They are non-allergenic and the hook is turned the right way so they don't fall out/get torn out. And yes, I have had the cheap ones torn out. Long story.


For the nosering; find a store that sells Anatometal jewelry. Or online like a site such as BAF (Bodyartforms). Anatometal uses surgical-grade metals and their work is absolutely stunning!


You could always do what I did for a nose ring, and have a jeweler put a little ball at the end of a regular earring. I have a friend of the family who is a jeweler (I get to pretend I am fancy and say I have my own jeweler, la-de-dah) and she only charged me for the one earring, which enabled my impoverished self to be able to afford a tiny diamond stud. So I like to say I have 'ice in my face'. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Kim W.

Christy -- it depends where you are being tattooed. Tattooing over bone hurts (shoulder blade, spine, hipbone, feet). Also tattoos over very thin skin hurts (hip hurt more than back, spine hurt more than shoulder blade which hurt more muscly back area). Paying more for a good tattooist is worth it. Also, follow their care advice to the T.

Most of my piercing -- I did myself with a sharpened earring stud and ice and alcohol (both kinds). I was also 13, so I don't know how my pain tolerance ranked then with my adult pain tolerance. But after having a few natural childbirths -- eh. It's all quite bearable.

Kim W.

Oh, and also -- my nose piercings also HURT. Tattooing was definitely easier, and since it takes so long, the endorphins get going and it's not so bad.


I buy all my jewelry from either or The second of the two is located in Maryland, and my boyfriend works there, so I'm partial to them. :)

Amy in StL

Business casual must include a bra, shoes, something that covers your bottom and top parts. Around here, those are the only requirements and I think a couple people fudge a bit on the first one by wearing a loose shirt. Ew. Good luck.

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