April 27, 2012
Good Christ, this week. It is almost over. Good riddance, week! Thanks for bringing us the Craigslist ad about the beards and the unicorns and all, but other than that? Go away. Fuck you.
Since I spent the vast majority of my week either 1) cleaning puke off of various sufaces and a wide variety of fibers, OR 2) sitting at my desk staring at multiple laptops and like, flowcharting deliverable synergies and shit, I don't really have much to blog about.
NOT THAT I'M GOING TO LET THAT STOP ME, OR ANYTHING. OH HO HO HELL NO.
Instead, I'm going to mass-address some questions you guys have asked recently, either over email or in the comments, and I'm sorry for ignoring you in both of those places. I have an excuse, I swear. And it's that I'm a terrible person.
QUESTION: Omg, did you see that video about the dad who recorded his son's special education teachers and discovered they were bullying him and saying awful things and...
ANSWER: No. I mean. Yes. I wrote about the video at Babble. It's complicated. On the one hand, RIGHTEOUS FURY. On the other, I need to not watch things that will make me cry for a million years.
QUESTION: Omg, did getting your nose pierced hurt?
ANSWER: No. I mean. Yes. Getting a sharp metal object forced through your cartilage is not an entirely painless process. However, I found that getting my ears re-pierced a couple years ago hurt way worse. Two holes instead of one, and the healing process took a LOT longer. Probably because I kept whacking my ears with my hand whenever I flipped my hair (which I never realized I do a million times a day, apparently), or rolling over on them in my sleep. The nose piercing felt vaguely bruised for a couple days, but feels just fine now, honestly.
And circling back to the actual piercing part? Let's just say that compared to getting a GIANT GODDAMNED NEEDLE JAMMED IN YOUR SPINE in preparation for childbirth, or trying to do things like STAND UP or GET OUT OF BED or BREATHE DEEPLY after the post-c-section Vicodin has worn off, getting your nose pierced is more like stubbing your toe, you big giant baby.
Although your one eye will water uncontrollably, depending on what side you pierce. That was weird.
QUESTION: Omg, what do the kids think of it?
ANSWER: It took them several days to notice. I went with the tiniest possible stud available, and figured I could upgrade to something a bit flashier once it's healed and not such a dicey situation if the baby grabs it. (He has yet to grab it.)
Noah said, "Heeeeey. What's wrong with your nose?" I told him it was jewelry, and I think I was still pronouncing the L sound when his eyes rolled back into his head out of boredom because GAH JEWELRY I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR FEMALE NONSENSE, WOMAN, LEGOS LEGOS LEGOS.
Ezra stared at it once and asked to touch it. I told him no, not yet. He also promptly went back to Not Giving A Shit.
I'm gonna have to up my game in order to shock them, I guess. Tough crowd.
QUESTION: Sorry, but it looks like a zit.
ANSWER: LOL, I know. I'm not entirely sure what happened with that initial photo I posted — all the silver-y-ness of the stud got washed out, even though it looked fine before I uploaded it. It is a rounded bumpy sort of stud, which may not have been the best choice. Meh. I can change it in about a month, and would be super appreciative of any recommendations on places to buy non-shady nose jewelry that won't give me a flesh-eating disease, or something.
(I'd usually go with Etsy but I'm super-mad at them right now, along with the rest of the planet. LAMESAUCE RESELLER BULLSHIT.)
QUESTION: But wait! Aren't you going to have to take it out, now that you're working for The Man?
Nope. Sorry if I confused anyone — I was aiming for vague and stumbled straight into cryptic — but I am still working from home. I'm just working a lot MORE from home, doing non-mommyblogging worky things. Another 20 hours a week, actually. Which, combined with everything else I do, basically means I'm working full time. But from home. And probably not forever. It's a consulting contract, so nothing permanent. I'm helping a company launch a corporate blog and related social media strategies and best practices and documentation for the process and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It's only exciting if you are me. Luckily, that's exactly who I am! So I'm loving it.
I will be leaving my little hobbit hole and taking my first steps into a corporate office environment next week, however, just to meet some people in person. Just me, my nose ring, and my fuzzy interpretation of what "business casual" means these days. I will be leaving my propensities to embarrass myself and walk into walls at home. I hope.
Oh, whatever. You know that'll never happen. I'll probably lose a shoe heel in the parking lot or accidentally lock myself in a bathroom stall. Or both! And I'll remember why I stopped going out in public on a regular basis in the first place.