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March 2012
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May 2012

He's standing on his little stepstool in front of the stove, watching pasta boil. He's waiting for his turn to "help" -- his brother got to pour the uncooked noodles into the pot, so I told him he could help me make the sauce. I'm right there next to him, readying the ingredients into convenient little pinch bowls and measuring cups for him. Milk, cheese, butter, seasonings...check, check, check, and check. He's watching the burner glow red and talking about how the stove is hot, the pot is hot, the water inside the pot is hot. "And we never touch those hot things," I chirp robotically, even though he knows this by now. "The red part is very, very hot," he says seriously. "You would burn yourself." He cautiously picks up a wooden spoon to give the pasta a stir. "Careful!" I say, just because I can't help myself. He's always careful. But still. I wait for him to put the spoon down and drop his arms back to his side before stepping away to put the milk back in the fridge. And that's when the screaming starts. Horrible, horrible screaming and wailing -- I have no idea what's happened,... Read more →


So first, Ike was all, like this: And I was all, OMG! Look at my poor baby! He's got a rash! There's like, eight whole spots on his body and his cheeks are splotchy! Oh, for the love of WOE. And then Ike was all, like this: And I was all, uh, shit? Back in the day, when they used to give out antibiotics like Tylenol-laced Halloween candy, I had chronic ear infections (and later, tubes). So I took a LOT of antibiotics, And eventually developed allergies to just about every single one. The 'cillins, the 'miacins, the 'cyclines and the sulfas, and probably a bunch of others that I've now forgotten about, much to the frustration of EVERY DOCTOR EVER who has stared at that list and then back at me, like, "Yeah, you have a UTI, but what the fuck do you expect me to do about it? Go drink some cranberry juice, Time Bomb." But my allergic reactions were, you know, actual, straightforward reactions. Hives, usually cropping up after the first or second dose. I've always been pretty hive-y -- I still get them from stuff like mosquito bites, detergents, cosmetics, and from walking out of a... Read more →


Hi! I just got my nose pierced. Why? I dunno, actually. Because I felt like it. Because I always wanted to, but worked in offices with dress codes and am finally realizing that I might not do that again anytime soon. Because I was feeling old and bored and this was cheaper than buying a Porsche. Because I thought, "Self, you've had three needles stuck into your spine and then had three babies cut out of your abdomen, I bet getting something staped into your face won't hurt at all." Because I've been home all week with three stir-crazy kids on Spring Break and broke up approximately 5,239 fights over who touched who and who stole what toy and stepped on one too many damn Legos and went temporarily batshit. Definitely a combination of those five things. Plus, what's the point of being a grown-up if you don't take advantage of the fact that no one can tell you not to pierce stupid shit into your face? HERE'S MAH DRIVER'S LICENSE, BODY PIERCING PARLOR EMPLOYEE WHO IS AT LEAST A DECADE YOUNGER THAN I AM, I DON'T NEED ANYBODY'S PERMISSION TO DO THIS, YAAAY! Everybody say hi to Andy, by... Read more →


Noah's IEP meeting went very well, by the way. (The plot points! They are dangling!) Of COURSE it went very well. I always get myself so needlessly lathered up about these meetings ahead of time -- a peril of being overly-informed about other people's horror stories, probably -- and then we show up and remember that oh. Right. These people actually give a shit. About their jobs and their students and that whole "making a difference in the life of a child" thing. I'd gotten a somewhat...strange phone call from the school psychologist the week before that knocked me a bit off my axis, and then a conversation with a classmate's mother at a birthday party set me even more on edge. Because this same psychologist was causing problems for them and everything about their IEP was contested and a struggle and the whole thing sounded crazy combative and stressful. Just like another mother had described their experience this year to me a few weeks before, at another party. Sternly-worded letters! Hired advocates! Parents storming out of meetings! Peace negotiations all blown to hell! I think I need to stop attending so many birthday parties. Or find something else to... Read more →


Awww, such a blessed milestone. (SOMEBODY SHOOT ME IN THE FACE.) Ike and I were still up in Pennsylvania when he came down with it -- the whole typical song-and-dance of a bad cold, too many days of congestion and then BLAMMO, fever and cantankerousness and no sleep for ANYBODY. At least anybody with ears, infected or otherwise. Even though we've been through the ear infection rodeo quite a few times, Ike was thoughtful enough to make his first ear infection exciting, by spiking a fever of over 104 degrees. That's a Storch Family record! He also went on a nursing-and-bottle strike and got himself all dehydrated to boot, because babies are just so very reasonable about everything sometimes. And so I got to chat with some nice ladies at a 24-hour nurse triage hotline about what, in the name of blessed fuck, I was supposed to do next. More medicine? Another cool bath? Emergency room? Apply the numbing drops to my own ears and hope for the best? We did not, thankfully, end up in the emergency room. But a trip to the pediatrician the next day confirmed that both of Ike's ears were good and angry and require... Read more →