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April 2012
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June 2012

Stupid Medical Tricks

1) On Friday night, Jason slammed the car door on Noah's fingers. When I tweeted about it later, while the two of them were off having a Great Emergency Room Adventure Involving All The M&Ms, I felt compelled to include all 12 characters of the word "accidentally." You know, just in case anyone might think he did it on purpose, or for fun. You don't get to be thousandaires on America's Funniest Home Videos without the occasional grievous bodily injury, son. Now hold still. KASLAM! An x-ray revealed that his fingers were fine. Just bruised. He had to wear a... Read more →


Home Improvementish

Operation DIY Backsplash: DONE. Donedone! (Well, we still need to caulk. And put the switchplates up. And paint. And replace a couple cabinet doors. And swap out the door handles. And replace the stove and microwave. So. Not even close to being done. BUT ALLOW ME THIS MOMENT.) I'm happy to report that nobody died and nothing got set on fire. The kids watched an obscene amount of TV, though, and I do still have some grout on the bottom of my foot. This project was made possible by a few dozen YouTube demos and my husband's degree in engineering.... Read more →


Worst. Designblog. Ever.

If I have learned anything from my hours (and hours) (zomg) of watching home improvement television shows, it's that pretty much everyone in America hates their kitchen. We're all living in the wrong kitchens, I guess, since SOMEBODY chose our cabinets and countertops and presumably liked them well enough at some point. Then we move in and are like, what were they thinking? That linoleum is an ABOMINATION TO GOD. (Meanwhile, I like to imagine the previous owners of our house, with their penchant for modern laminate EVERYTHING, moved on to some house with a hugely elaborate dark-wood kitchen trimmed... Read more →


Bugbite Balboa

Mornin' Ezra, why are you rubbing your eye and ear so much? Is everything oka... ...OH DEAR GOD. (And also: ADDDDDDDRIAAAAAANNNNNN!) Ugh! This again. The dreaded I-swear-I-am-not-making-this-up Skeeter Syndrome. Still hasn't outgrown it, though I was hopeful this would be the year. Alas, it looks like we're in for another long summer with a perpetually disfigured (and/or coked-up-on-Benadryl) child. The worst part is that the mosquitoes just fucking LOVE Ezra so much. They swarm to him, especially his poor, sweet little face. (Though he also has about five gigantic welts on his legs, all hot and angry with oozy blistering... Read more →


20 Things Nobody Told Me About Little Boys

(Or Maybe They Did While I Was Only Pretending To Listen) 1) You will spend a crazy amount of time clipping their weed-like fingernails, even though your own nails don't grow worth a damn. 2) They will also probably have nicer eyelashes than you. 3) Little-boy funk-smell kicks in sometime around age three. 4) It smells like a combination of feet and maple syrup. 5) You will totally get peed on. In the face, directly, at least once. 6) I also do not suggest painting the walls immediately around changing tables or toilets with a flat finish. Go with eggshell... Read more →


We're Gonna Party Like It's 7:59

So part of the sponsorship dealie thing with Sauza (who I refer to in real life as simply TEQUEEEEEEEELA, because we're close) included the assignment to have an actual Ladies' Night In. OH. IF WE MUST. How could I resist these eyes? <-- Click that and then guess which set of eyes I am talking about. GO ON GUESS. However, because I am no fool, I invited my favorite lady AND her non-lady significant other, because I knew he would bring dessert. Specifically, cupcakes for the kids and macarons for me. (He did not let me down.) Since Jason and... Read more →


Naps Are Wasted On The Young, Part Two

Meanwhile, not long after I wrote yesterday's post and tried (again) (and failed) (again) to coax Baby Ike into a nap, I realized Ezra was being AWFULLY nice and quiet downstairs. Suspiciously quiet. Like, now-is-the-time-I-realize-he's-decided-to-dump-a-bag-of-flour-down-the-toilet-for-fun quiet. Nope. He was just really very tired. Even Ceiba was like, uh, is you dead? Nah, he's fine. Just drunk, probably. Ike also eventually, finally caved to utter exhaustion. Also in a slightly unorthodox location. My children do have beds, I swear. Horrible, hateful beds, apparently. Whatever, I'm not here to reason with any of you crazy people. You stay there and dent your... Read more →


Naps Are Wasted On The Young

Do not let him fool you. Do not lend this child any money. That angelic little serious face has not napped in three days. THREE DAYS. And I don't mean oh, he's fighting his naps, or only taken short naps, or irregular naps, I mean NO NAPS. Not even so much as a 15-minute catnap in the car. Yesterday I saw him half-close his eyes in the stroller on the way home from the playground...and then he caught himself and powered through another four solid hours of daylight. 6 am to 8 pm, this child is a ball of non-stop... Read more →


Mamarazzi

You may have noticed (or...not, probably not, but allow me a moment to wallow in delusional self-importance) that I have not posted a single non-camera-phone photo in a very long time. I think Ike's birth was the last time we pulled out the "real" SLR camera, and even that was a last-minute scramble of BATTERY! CHARGER! MEMORY CARD! LENS CAP! And then it was still easier for me to grab my phone off the nightstand and snap photos. And in a way, the ease of always having a semi-decent-ish camera in my back pocket (and the forgiving hazy glow of... Read more →


In Which Ikea Ruins Young Lives & Mother's Day In One Fell HOLY SHIT GAAAHHHH

Happy Mother's Day! I got you the gift of HOLY SHITBALLS IKEATASTROPHE: A few weeks ago, we impulse-bought a wall cabinet at Ikea, brought it home, and promptly procrastinated the hell out of actually assembling it. The box sat propped in a corner until yesterday, when Jason decided to finally tackle the project, because he knows how much I love moving Things from One Thing into Another Thing. In this case, sorting and moving all our serving platters and entertaining-type dishes from the sideboard in the dining room into this new, awesome cabinet, AND THEN moving the sideboard into the... Read more →