In Which Ikea Ruins Young Lives & Mother's Day In One Fell HOLY SHIT GAAAHHHH
Naps Are Wasted On The Young

Mamarazzi

You may have noticed (or...not, probably not, but allow me a moment to wallow in delusional self-importance) that I have not posted a single non-camera-phone photo in a very long time. I think Ike's birth was the last time we pulled out the "real" SLR camera, and even that was a last-minute scramble of BATTERY! CHARGER! MEMORY CARD! LENS CAP! 

And then it was still easier for me to grab my phone off the nightstand and snap photos. And in a way, the ease of always having a semi-decent-ish camera in my back pocket (and the forgiving hazy glow of Instragram filters) has probably saved poor Ike from the worst of the third-baby photo fatique. Sure, not every picture of him is a professionally framed shot in high resolution, BUT AT LEAST I TOOK A LOT OF PICTURES. I DESERVE PARTIAL CREDIT.

But probably the biggest reason I abandoned my trusty SLR is that it maybe kind of sort of got accidentally punted down the basement steps by my children and/or one of their friends, I don't know who, I was too busy enjoying wine with my friends to pay attention to the fact that our children were playing soccer with several hundred dollar's worth of camera on the stairs. I mean, come on. It's not like I have eyes on the front of my head, or anything.

The camera was in its protective padded bag, at least — I think someone was using it as a purse or backpack before the game turned destructive — and everything SEEMED to work afterwards, but not ever like it used to. Photos turned out blurry a lot, like the auto-focus thingamabob went semi-kablooey (IF I MAY GET TECHNICAL ON YOUR ASSES FOR A MINUTE). So even when I did make the effort to take "real" photos, the results hardly seemed worth it. 

Jason was adamant, however, that we sack up and replace the camera eventually. So I started saving up my Amazon affiliate gift cards (thanks, Ultimate Master Lists! I should do you more often. I should turn this blog into nothing but lists! SEO synergy coupon extreme-Amazoning buzzword Skrillex!) until I had enough to cover a new Canon Rebel camera body and one of those fancy Eye-Fi memory cards that all the Kids Today are using, filling the wifi networks around our skulls with a digital smog of photos and videos and probably giving us all brain cancer or something. Hooray! 

The first thing I did was harrass my children with my new toy. And I realized that — like the concept of life without DVRs and touchscreens — they have absolutely no idea what to do when confronted with flash photography:

May 14 201202

WHAT THE WHAT WAS THAT.

May 14 201201

NOT SO VERY MUCH SURE ABOUT THAT NO THANK YOU.

May 14 201203

STOPIT. SRSLY.

Baby Ike was not alone in his disdain for my sudden paparazzing.

May 14 201210

May 14 201209

May 14 201211

IT BURRRNS SO ANNNNNNOYINGLYYYYYYY.

Eventually, Ike seemed to warm up to the camera, or at least accept the fact that I wasn't putting it away until I'd messed with every single setting possible:

May 14 201204

May 14 201208

May 14 201205

He's a bit of a hammy clown, yes. Also part shark, apparently.

May 14 201207

His first birthday is in just over two weeks. 16 days! I need to take at least seven hundred million more pictures before then. Sorry, eyeballs. 

 

Comments

jodifur

One of my favorite memories of you was when Michael's hand was broken and you were over at my old house and he went to touch the old fancy camera and you were all NOOOOOOOOO. And then you looked at me and said "Wait, I screamed at your injured child." And I shrugged. I guess two more kids cured you of the camera concern.

I never once figured out how to make my eye fi card work. And I only use my iphone camera. I don't even know where my little point and shoot is.

Carolyn

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, those pictures of Ike made me laugh so hard I started to tear up! (Sorry Ike, nothing personal! You are ADORABLE, but even you must agree those photos are absolutely hysterical!) I love your kids ;)

Frenchie

OMG TEETH! My daughter is about a week older than Ike and has exactly 1/4 the number.

Call me Jo

No kids yet, so it's our dogs who get paparazzied. They can now tell the difference between the phone and the camera and refuse to look at me when I'm holding the camera because "Ahhh, my eyez, they be blinded!"

Steve

They will be blinded fooo lifeeeeee! haha Love the pics Amy. Whether they be from a lowly camera phone or a Super Lens Refractor thingy your kids are still just as adorable! On the old camera maybe you really had a gem on your hands with the built in "blurry instagram" setting!!!

Dawn

What is it with the blinking during the flashy-thingy? I lost count of the number of pictures that have been ruined due to blinky babies. That said, the shutter speed on smartphone is for crap as most of those look like George Lucas has been secretly messing with the settings.

Laura

Ike (who is one month older than my child) has a mouthful of teeth? She has NONE. No sign of any either. Which means the sleeplessness will continue until said teeth arrive, if not longer. Gah.

Arnebya

My third, at 2, still isn't up to remembering that say cheese is followed by saying MY EYES MY EYES IT BURNS STOP IT LADY NO MORE BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT! It's because we don't use it that often (the phone is just always RIGHT THERE whereas the actual camera is always where did you have it last I didn't have it last you did where did you see it last it was just on the mantle stop leaving it on the mantle it doesn't belong there HOLY SHIT THE CAMERA HAS A DESIGNATED SPOT? Have you checked the compartment on the boy's ride-on car because I found the house phone, 50 cents, and a banana there yesterday.

We realized recently that yes, there are a ton of pictures of the boy but he is forever captured electronically, nary a printout adorns the walls like the girls before him. Poor third pixelated baby.

Amalah

RE: Ike's teeth. Seriously, besides the EIGHT teeth up front, he has THREE MOLARS already. Threeeee! He really truly is part shark, omg.

The good news is I can feed him steak. The bad news is I have share my steak.

Korinthia Klein

Those are some awesome test photos.

flybigd

That first photo of Noah is hysterical. What is he, 17 years old or something? I swear that as a teenager I gave that look to my parents.

David

Agreed Instamgram is quite a fun photography crutch. But they do make for some nice/cool images. Not quite sure how the print out large size tho.

Jessica V.

These pics kill me - I think Noah's expression of disdain and "SRSLY" is my fave. I am in the same boat w/regards to favoring my iPhone camera over the SLR. For Xmas I BEGGED for a new SLR - super fancy (way beyond my skills but I loooved it). This weekend I finally remembered to bring it with us on a family trip to an amusement park and...when I pulled it out to start snapping away, I realized there was so memory card in it. Gah. Back to the iPhone for me!

Natalie

Waitaminute, waitaminute. When did Ike suddenly become a little boy? Wow, he looks so different in these photos! Maybe it's the teeth.

caroline

O my hell, I love your kids. Seriously. Can I babysit? I know it's a long drive, but... I would be so happy to snuggle in a pile with them like puppies, and read them books and play Legos and watch cartoons and break all your cameras. Seriously. I wouldn't even CHARGE you.

Christine

When did Ike get hair? He suddenly looks like Ezra.

Also, Noah and the bershon is perfect.

megan

Oh my word, the second picture, where Ike's eyes look like they will literally pop out of his head? I laughed my damn head off at that one (sorry, Ike!).

And that first pic of Noah? Since when was he 15?!?

Stacia

HA!!! You're captions always make me bust a gut. The second my four year old sees the real camera she acts like I'm going to play dodge ball with it. Can never get a good shot with that one. The other child, the almost one year old... still hasn't caught on to my need to photograph every second of my children's lives!!!!

Suzy Q

Those teeth! How can Baby Ike already be a year old? HOW?

Loren

This made me laugh 'til I cried. And snorted. That second photo of Ike is one of the best things I've ever seen.

Erika Mitchell

Oh my gosh, where'd your baby go?!

Amanda

Is it just my screen, or does anyone else see 4-5 horizontal lines in each of these pictures?

LOL. Fancy indeed! :)

I use my phone for everyday pics too, and whip out the DSLR for "important events" only to find my DSLR skilz are terrible and the fancy pics never turn out well.

Deanna

That reminds me of this episode of "Frasier" where Martin pulls out his Russian flash camera for Frederick's Bar Mitzvah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD1cAyLWDOU

Anna

my boy is 15 months and has less teeth than Ike. :/ this might be the one thing I would like to hurry along now.

Kirsten

NO! NO NO NO! He CANNOT almost be one! I found your blog when I first found out I was pregnant and he was five weeks old. He was sort of my first shock of realization that pregnancy meant baby.

And now he's almost a year and my baby is almost three months? Although, I guess it's appropriate he's delivering the shock of "my baby will grow up."

laurel

i was laughing so hard i was crying at these. hysterical!

Molly

My favorite thingy for my flash is the Dr something's pop up thingy....That's a really inarticulate product title. I think it's really like Professor Kobre's light scoop. it bounces the flash off the ceiling or wall so you don't get that "deer in the headlights" look. Although I will admit, that look is damn adorable when it's your kids!

tracey

God those eyes...

Becky M.

I was just thinking "How the heck does Ike have so many teeth already?" when I got to the part about his birthday. Wasn't he a newborn like, five minutes ago?

Stephanie

No. his birthday isn't that soon. you've miss-counted terribly!

Lauren

How is Ike almost 1???? That mean's my baby's going to be one in a few months and gahhhhnotreadywheredidmybabygoooooooooo.

Bethany

Ike is almost one WHAT THE EFF????

JMid

The look on Noah's face is priceless. "Really, mother??

Dawn B

Your boys are so handsome!! Even if they are 6 1/2 and leer at the camera. I kept laughing about the part of just whipping out the camera phone for so long. I, too, am super guilty of this. The only difference is that I still haven't even whipped out our (simple) point and shoot camera and still choose to Instagram it up.

Chrissy

Whoa, that camera suddenly makes Ike look like Noah circa 2006! Like SRSLY. ;-)

TallulahEulallie

I got a Canon Rebel T3i for Christmas. Finally bought a memory card for it last month. Figured out how to put the battery in last week. I bet if I had some adorable kids, I'd actually learn how to use the damned thing. (For the record, my 14 year old has graduated from the pitiless stare that you get from Noah. He is now perfecting the "Bitch, please" eyeroll / heavy sigh combo. They grow up so fast!)

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