Señor Tequila Throws A Party
Feelin' Groovy Or Possibly Just Very Cluttered

Marking the Occasion

Ike fell off the changing table last night.

And I mean FELL. In the most SPECTACULAR fashion. Head first and naked, ass over teakettle, BAM. Forehead, meet hardwoods.

It's almost a rite of passage, you know? All of my children have now suffered at least one big tumble from the furniture, all before they hit their first birthdays. Noah rolled off the bed. Ezra did that too (on family portait day, no less), and was also prone to dive-bombing from the couch whenever he spotted something on the floor he wanted. Who needs hands or reaching or pointing? MY MOUTH IS A DIVINING ROD. WHOOMP.

Noah fell down the stairs; Ezra tripped over a push-toy and split his lip open. And later, same scenario, only the toy was an escalator and his lip was HIS HEAD. And then there was the time with the curling iron and the time he fell over the back of the couch and dented the soup pot and then he fell face-first in the Christmas tree lot and OH YEAH THE STOVE and anyway, point is, I'm aware that kids fall down and get hurt and bounce back from the bruises and boo-boos. Their skulls really are very extra hard. 

And yet I will vividly remember each incident because I am saving up for a helluva wedding toast. 

And because in each moment, there is still nothing worse, nothing scarier. Being juuuuust out of arm's reach when your baby goes from a sitting position on a stable surface to up and over the edge while your hands desperately grab at the air behind them. Hearing the THUD, the THWACK, and then the awful seconds of silence while they catch their breath before the pain registers and the screaming begins. Picking them up and trying to decide whether to pull them close for comfort or push them back so you can check for injuries. Look for blood, check the teeth, panic about bones and brains and things you cannot see. 

I sat down in the rocker while Ike wailed and cried. I cried too. Jason jumped out of bed and came running. I choked out my confession: His diaper had leaked, his pajamas were wet, I turned around to grab dry clothes from his closet and left him on the table and...and...

You don't do that, of course. You never do that. Not once they can roll over and sit up and wriggle free of the safety strap (which I didn't even use, because he wriggles free so what's the point) and yet I did it anyway, because it was the middle of the night and I was tired and...and...

Yeah. My bad.

He's completely fine, of course. Those skulls are tough stuff, by this age. He woke up with a red mark that's already mostly faded and probably no memory of what happened, given all the wrigging and flipping and rolling he did during this morning's diaper change. 

I remember, though. And I'll probably never forget, either. 


(Baby Ike in Baby Jail. Stop looking at me like that. You can come out when you're ready to pen a five-paragraph essay about gravity, son.)



I think we have all been there and done that....though it is not a moment I remember fondly. Also, we call time-out "baby jail" because we have put a baby gate up in an empty closet (we have removed the door).


Poor Ike, and poor YOU. At least Ike didn't break his arm like my baby did in her fall from the changing table... And right before family portraits. Luckily, she just pulled the dumb cast off so fast we gave it up by picture day. But then she skipped crawling (too painful) and went straight to walking. Ugh. Glad you're both OK, or will be soon ;)

Corey Feldman

Nothing scarier than watching your child get hurt. Eljuah had to get a stapple in his head in a shopping accident with my wife at Montgomery Mall. Josh needed like 18 stitches falling at the playground at preschool. Both times I felt so helpless because I was stuck at work. Out last ER trip Elijah fell running up the steps and ended up with nursemaids elbow. I didn't see the fall but the crying nearly killed me, but not as much as when I had to hold his arm down for the xray. Yikes. So glad he is OK. They do make their heads strong for a reason!

Shannon Lell

Our sons are about the same age, everytime I lay mine on his changing table, I feel like I'm tempting fate. It might be the only time I don't wish I had hardwoods. And I need to get me one of those baby jails! ASAP!

Laura l

Yep - been there done that kind of thing. This is one of the reasons we just skipped having a changing table and used a bed to change babies. (That and we just didn't have the room.)


This is one of my top fears with my daughter (hasn't happened yet, am sure it will soon)! GAH!

Korinthia Klein

Oh, those falls are just the worst. My horror story was my two year old climbing a fence and falling head first onto concrete on the other side, and I couldn't climb after her because I was too pregnant. Her older sister still remembers the ambulance ride with great fondness.


That sound. I love my hardwoods but goddamn that sound of when their bodies meet it whether it's the first or the stays with you. Glad all he got for a late night flight was an already fading bruise. Not much I can say for your recovery; that shit lingers.


It's the waiting for the screaming part that always got to me. Every part of me clenched up (yes, even THAT part) while waiting for the screaming. Oh, and my first time happened over 20 YEARS AGO. I can still hear the thud as she fell off of our bed, I can still remember my husband and I rushing to pick her up, I can still remember calling the hospital's Nurse's help-line and EXACTLY what I said through the tears.

Funny that I can hardly recall the conversation I had yesterday with that same baby turned woman, but I can remember her first fall so vividly.


baby jail! OMG too funny, and who has an empty closet, wow if I had one yeah it would make a good baby jail.


A very similar thing happened to me only SHE WAS STRAPPED IN AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE WIGGLED OUT.

Oh, and did I mention that she passed out and so we got to have the fun ambulance ride to the special children's ER two hours away since they were worried about bleeding on the brain?

Yeah, she's fine now. I, however, am traumatized for life.

(and then one year almost to the day later she fell on our first family vacation right on the edge of the elevator door. And of course passed out. So ER trips far away from home seem to be our norm.)

Leigh Ann

Oh, I've been there. 6mo fell off my very tall bed when I went to go check on her non napping sister when THEN turned out needing a diaper change and yes I totally forgot about the baby I left on the bed until I heard the thud and the cry.


My 10 month old son fell off our bed acouple of months ago, just out of arms reach. He had a bloody nose and a big bump on his head. We both cried as Is rocked and held him close to soothe him. I really thought the Baby Police would show up and take him from me because I was the worst Mom ever.


silly babies. why don't they understand gravity!?
glad ike is ok


Holy crsp that almost happened to me last night too but with my cat like reflexes I caugh pt my suicidal baby. Either that or she was so excited that she wanted to "launch" herself into my arms from 12 feet away. I had a brief but powerful heart attack, almost had to change my own under drawers and decided not to tell my wife. Yea I don't use the strap either... Eek.


I stopped using a changing table when my oldest fell off his at 8 months. Hey look! The floor! I can lay you there.

Also, if it makes you feel better I was doing the 30 Day Shred the other day and the same kid ran behind me right as I was swinging my 5 lb weight back...right into his head. There was blood, and screaming, and now he's fine and knows better than to play near me when I work out. Which is not often.


5 months old, Bumbo seat on the couch when I ran outside to get the 2 bags of groceries in,gone10 sec. Never tried to get out of it before. He was on the floor screaming when I got back, drove like 70 in 30 speed lmt. To hospital,got there faster than if had called 911. Nothing wrong with him besides red bump,but lost years off my life omg,nurse also thought I was an abused wife cause I kept saying my husband is going to kill me. Didn't mean it literally, duh.


amen Amy, it's that open mouth no sound coming out scream that terrified me most as a mom. We've all done it, mine is away at college but I still remember the day he learned to roll over...


*fist bump*.

mine was at the doctor's office, where the stupid floor is stupid cement under stupid thin linoleum and my adorable.... barely 3 year old was climbing on the stupid rolling doctor's stool, so I stupidly turned around to make him stop and... the little one fell off the VERY HIGH stupid exam table (the doctor had stepped out for a moment). I properly embarrassed myself by running out to the little nurses' station and yelling something like "OMG YOU NEED TO LOOK AT HER SHE FELL, SHE FELL, SHE FELL ON HER NECK AND HEAD AND THERE IS ALREADY A BUMP!!!" and scaring them all. And yes, she was fine.

@klcrab - we measure whether we need to go into the other room by the length of that pause.
Thump followed by crying: nope.
Thump followed by screaming: only if we hear "you hurt me!" (because the other one needs to be punished)
Thump followed by cry/scream, pause of 1-2 seconds and then more crying: No.
Thump followed by no sound: get up and check it out.
Thump followed by cry/scream, pause of more than 2 seconds: RUN. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, get yourself in there because someone is bleeding.


My daughter fell off the bed when she was 7 months old. She had blessedly fallen asleep in the afternoon, a rarity, and I left her in the middle with cushions on either side. I was working on the computer when I heard the thud. Ran in, scooped her up and waited for the crying - the worst feeling in the world. Thankfully she was fine other than a bump on the head. I'm so sorry you and Ike had to suffer that feeling last night!


2 1/2 year old- brick fireplace- new house, had not put up protecitve pad yet- 9 stiches. felt horrible. Now my son is five and makes his 7 year old brother jealous with his "harry potter head scar". got to love em. Happy Star Wars Day to you- May the 4th be with you!!!!!!!!!!!


Just this morning, I turned my back for one second to clean up the yogurt that my three year old son dropped on his table...then BLAM!!! my four month old daughter fell off the couch (clearly her new-found skill of rolling over is now mastered)... She landed on her back on the rug. Of course the couch to floor distance isn't really that much but still. The sound her little body made when it hit the floor...ugh--it' reverberating in my brain. And i did that same thing where you don't know whether to hold them close or check for bruises! She was pissed, my son was scared. I cried. Fun morning was had by all.


Motherhood is so humbling. Of course you aren't supposed to leave them. Not for a moment. But in life it happens. When these things happen to me, like when i literally stabbed/poked my younger son IN THE EYE with the butter knife while telling a story that involved wild arm waving, I think, Thank God that wasn't what it could've bee. And then I try harder to be kinder to everyone I feel so much smarter than. Because of course I'm not. Humbled!


A door inadvertently left open for just a second. Hearing the screams as the walker bumped down the flight of stairs and overturned at the bottom. I feel sick as I type this, the memory shakes me so. Still trying to forget. My daughter was 9 months old when this happened. She's 36 now. And her son recently fell out of the grocery cart. I told her it's okay. She's still a great mom.


My grandson flung himself from the bed of a parked pick-up trunk onto the concrete curbing when he was two. He didn't even cry and there wasn't a mark on him. He just got up and walked away, while my daughter struggled to take her hands from her eyes. She says an angel caught him; it is the only explanation that makes any sense. I personally think that that is all angels really around catching wacky kids and saving them from certain death. Glad everyone is okay!


Oh, gosh. My son fell off the changing table when he was young. It was my husband who turned his back. I was downstairs, and the sound was horrid! My husband couldn't believe how quickly I got upstairs--literally flew, I tell you. He was fine (and I recovered..eventually). Thank goodness they bounce.


oooooh yeeeeees... i remember this... rite of passage be DAMNED!


I have twin boys who will be 3 in a few weeks, so I'm used to the bumps and bruises, including a baby tooth that got knocked out (thankfully no damage to his permanent teeth). Also, very grateful we've only made one ER trip. However, I considered a second ER trip this week, after I tripped carry my 3 month old daughter in her car seat and dropped her. Thankfully she dropped straight down so it just scared the crap out of us both. My husband saw the whole thing and was able to talk me out of a trip to the hospital. She is absolutely fine.


I swear this happens to EVERYONE. At least once.

Oldest - fell in her bouncy seat off an ottoman where I had set her to watch the pretty fishes.

Youngest - did the changing table flip. Also fell off a stool onto an end table; bit right through his lip. Also ran into a metal shelf at Sears and split his head open. Also fell onto a protruding nail at Grandma's and tore the top of his ear open.

My conclusion is that boys in particular just DO this. (And you have 3. Bless your heart.)


My stomach is in a clench reading these comments. Oh, that day when my baby fell off the table feels like it just happened. Trip to the ER, some kind of scan, screaming for hours--turns out he's just the kind of kid who screams a lot when injured, but how were we to know when he was four months old? Ugh.


Awful awful stuff. In the spirit of making everyone feel better. My beautiful and big....10 lbs to be exact boy had just entered our family after a home birth. He was 4 days old, husband placed him on the dresser....apparently size gives you stength. He fell. Hard. Head first. To the floor. We spent our first days in the ER. He had fractured his skull. Everything healed fine and to this day he is one tough mother fucker. I however got severe mastitis and couldn't think about that moment without wanting to vomit for almost a year. He's almost three now and we are days away from welcoming our second boy. Heaven help us.


We spent months 6 to, oh, last week saying "Feet first. Feet first! Holy crapping tadpoles, child, feet first."

It did not prevent falls off the bed (3) and down the last couple stairs (2) and whatever his grandparents haven't told us about.

PS, this kid now attends circus classes. Does he ever fall of the &%$#@! aerial hoop or the giant wooden whatsit for doing handstands on? Of course not. There are mats there. And eleventy spotters to show off for.



7 years ago, my then 2 year old grandson scrambled on to the toilet to get to the sink, rolled off it and slammed into the floor with his face. And yes, I was there and watched it all happen before I could grab him. And yes, he lost his two front teeth! In the past year his adult teeth have come in, and it looks strange to see him with teeth after so many years without! It only takes a second and it feels so awful and you feel so responsible as a grandparent-but my kids still trust their babies to me :)

Katie Kat

Grrrrrrrrl! Confession time. I gave Bethany a bath in the kitchen sink when she was just about Ike's age... just into the rolly, polly, olly thing, but not ALWAYS. I had her on the counter and decided to grab something just out of reach the other way aaaaaaaaaannnnnnd... PLUNK! Crash, bam, ouch, oh-hell-what-did-i-just-do-i-killed-my-baby. Will never forget (or forgive in my bad mommy head). But she's just fine. Well, except for that little tic, and a weird divet in her head..... ALL GOOD!

Sue C

I dropped my son face first onto the asphalt in the doctor's office parking lot when he was two. I didn't just drop him, I flung him while trying to move him from under one arm to my hip on the other side and missed. That first breathless pause is an eternity. He got stitches in his nose, forehead and ear. He is 22, and when I look at the small scars on his face my stomach still clinches.

The funniest part was going back into the doctor's office and calling the ER (this was before cell phones) and having the lady on the phone ask me what I did after I dropped him. I told her I turned around and immediately called her. I don't know what she thought I would have done, stopped and had a beer maybe?

sunglasses hut

Well, except for that little tic, and a weird divet in her head..... ALL GOOD!oakley frogskins black light
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When I close my eyes and think about our fall, it still makes me cry. But, it has also made me feel a little better to read all these stories. Thank you!

Shana in Texas

Paraphrasing The Modern Family: "babies were made to survive parents". The "fall from an terrifying height" test is required before progressing in Parent 101 - No One Gets out UnScathed.


Memories of all the most awful guilt-inducing moments of my son's life are now flashing before my eyes.

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