If I have learned anything from my hours (and hours) (zomg) of watching home improvement television shows, it's that pretty much everyone in America hates their kitchen. We're all living in the wrong kitchens, I guess, since SOMEBODY chose our cabinets and countertops and presumably liked them well enough at some point. Then we move in and are like, what were they thinking? That linoleum is an ABOMINATION TO GOD.
(Meanwhile, I like to imagine the previous owners of our house, with their penchant for modern laminate EVERYTHING, moved on to some house with a hugely elaborate dark-wood kitchen trimmed with brick-a-brack and grape-cluster corbels and shit.)
We'd lived in our house for all of five minutes before we, too, started hating the kitchen. The layout was okay, but mostly because the super-cheap remodel had the shelf life of a bag of chips. The cabinet doors started to peel and chip and hang off their hinges, the countertop started to shed its outer layer of laminate and pull away from the wall, the sink leaked and the appliances were crap and THEN THE OVEN CAUGHT ON FIRE.
Point is: I got new countertops yesterday. Yaaaaaayyyyyyy.
Yes, THAT FACE EXACTLY.
Those are still the old counters, by the way. And the reason there's so much crud all over the floor is because we took a crowbar to the backsplash. And by "we" I mean the guy who came to take the final measurements on Tuesday TOTALLY LET ME HAVE A TURN YAAAYYYY TIMES INFINITY.
I ALSO HAVE NO LOVE FOR YOU, YELLOW PAINT.
The new hotness. Which is really hard to photograph. It's a black/green/brown granite. Also, HI COFFEE. I love you too.
I love how we've had new countertops for all of 12 hours and have managed to cover 75% of them up with extraneous crap already.
And when I say "12 hours," I mean that almost literally, even though the install started at 2 pm yesterday. One section was cut incorrectly, but wasn't discovered until after 6 pm, when the workshop had already closed. But our install team was like, NOT ON OUR WATCH and sent one guy back to possibly pick the locks and cut us a new piece. Which kind of took a long time. We gave up on getting our kitchen back in time for dinner, so we ordered pizza and ate it directly out of the box, upstairs, on our bed, while the boys watched Cars 2 (UGH) and dripped pizza sauce all over the comforter.
We ordered pizza for the installers too. They seemed very grateful, since I'm not sure sanding granite edges until 10 at night was exactly on their Top 10 List Of Awesome either.
NOTE: Yes, I made my children eat their breakfasts on placemats. I know, I know. Let me harbor my illusions.
Speaking of illusions, we're installing a tile backsplash ourselves this weekend. Because that sort of thing always works out super well for us. On Monday you can expect an "Amalah Curled Up Weeping In The Fetal Position" photo essay.
The backsplash will hopefully look nice behind our new sink and faucet and OH LOOK, remember that one summer we kept getting mice in our kitchen? (I would go back and link, except shudder.) We haven't had any problems since, which is somewhat miraculous now that we uncovered the GIANT HOLE IN THE WALL where the mice were coming in behind the old backsplash, crawling under the countertop and apparently partying on top of the dishwasher.
("Apparently" = a new nice way to talk about poop. You're welcome.)
So...patching that up right proper today. Homeownership is the best!
Also on the DIY docket are some new cabinet doors and handles. And painting the walls. And replacing this shifty sonofabitch:
The fire-happy stove, not the cat. The cat can stay. I mean, a little heads-up that mice were apparently apparently-ing underneath our kitchen counters would have been nice, but whatever. He's awful pretty.