Brave Little Toaster
Places My Children Insisted They Were Not Tired

Kindergarten, Day 180

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SHUT UP NAPKIN YOU ARE DRUNK.

Noah graduated from kindergarten yesterday. My god.

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At last year's preschool graduation "ceremony," he threw a fit about the hats and tossed his certificate on the floor in protest just seconds after receiving it. 

This year, I left with video footage of him holding hands with his classmates while singing a song ("First Grade, First Grade" sung to the tune of "New York, New York"), complete with choreography and a dramatic bow at the end.

There are still issues, yes. We are still struggling with some things and will be taking steps this summer to deal with those things (anxiety, attention, self-esteem, etc.), lest anyone reading these last couple entries think I'm like, "ANNNNNNNDDDD CURED! All done, that's that." Noah remains a bit of a tough nut in some respects, but then in others....

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Well, he's just another kid in the big ol' general education kindergarten room. And I can't begin to express how happy that makes me. 

***

And now that the school year is over and this topic has been thoroughly (and hilariously) discussed over on Instagram, I suppose I can finally address the former professional soccer player in the room. Yeah. Noah's kindergarten teacher. He's...uh-huh. I know.

Both Noah and Ezra had male teachers this year. It's a shame that men in early education are such a novelty, but they are, and I was admittedly pretty surprised that we ended up with two in the same year. 

On Back to School Night, waaaay back in September, there was like, a laughably palpable wave of ZOMG amongst the room mothers when we all realized that oh, him? That's the new teacher? Wait. He's. Kind of. Ridiculously good-looking? Okay! No afternoon pick-up in pajamas THIS YEAR THEN. 

The classroom volunteer sign-up sheet has been solidly full ever since.

I should also go ahead and zoom in on the classroom aide, as well:

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WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? ON WHAT PLANET DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Now, even if these men are not your particular type, try to imagine watching them do stuff like...pouring tiny cups of apple juice. Straightening hair bows. Tying shoes. Giving gentle, reassuring head pats and pep talks to scared, vulnerable little humans. Magically bringing the din of close to 30 children down to silence with nothing but a couple hand claps and a soft-spoken "okay boys and girls..." Teaching your child how to read.

Right? You see it now. YOU SEE THE PROBLEM I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL YEAR. 

I like to think of myself as a sensible, non-giggly sort when it comes to omgboyssss! I'm happily married, I don't flirt or get crushes, and I've even gotten much better about not falling apart into complete doofusdom when confronted with minor celebrities.  

And yet I am sure Noah's teacher thinks I have some kind of brain damage, because whenever I'm around him I just talk and talk and talk and flap my hands around and try SO HARD TO BE FUNNY AND COOL that eventually he's like, "Uh...I gotta go like, teach and stuff now. Young minds of America and all that."

Then he backs away slowly while I stand there grinning and nodding like a crazy person, probably failing to notice that Ike has once again managed to yank my shirt down and my nursing bra is showing. 

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Ezra, at graduation yesterday: You bitches be crazy. Talk to me when there's cake. 

For the record, he's married and his wife had a baby a few months ago. Noah came home super excited because he decided that he also wants to be a daddy AND a teacher when he grows up. You can be both, Mom! Isn't that cool?

Yes, dude. It's very cool. 

Anyway, thanks for being such a cool teacher, Mr. D. Sorry for being such a spaz, but my kid loved you. Turns out that's a slightly contagious emotion. 

Comments

Judy

These guys HAVE to teach in early education, they'd never make it with teenage girls. Why did I never have teachers and teacher assistants like that?

SLS

Wow, yes I'm going to concur on Mr. D. It's like Matthew Fox is teaching kindergarten.
But yay for make teachers and role models!
And yay for Noah!

SLS

*male teachers. Ahem

Vicki

I am So happy you addressed the hot teacher because Jesus, Mary and Oprah, I barely got through the first paragraph without being all, WHA...? Who? Is he...?

I don't think I would have survived, hahaha.

NB

oh-my-sweet-delicious-apple-juice-pouring-wow.

That is all.


(I lied. That is not all: Noah is adorable. He can be both! Horizons are broadening all up in the hiz-ouse today!)

Tamara

I'm thinking these photos don't really do them justice. Hella-hawt up close me thinks. w.o.w.

Heather B.

Giant photo of the teacher(s). Yes please.

Siobhan

Congrats Noah! My son is about a month older than Noah and just finished kindergarten on Friday. Sadly no fun graduation or anything though. Or a hot teacher for that matter. I agree that I wish there were more men in early education. There is exactly one male teacher at my son's school. He teaches gym and yells all the time so my son was terrified of him.

I had a similar experience a couple weeks ago while unfortunately in the hospital. I was admitted with a migraine and the doctor came in and I totally did the trying not to gasp thing. He was ridiculously hot. Like he'd wandered off the set of Grey's Anatomy and had somehow ended up in a real hospital. When he left the room even my mom was like "WHOA" So imagine having that stupid giggly reaction when you're in a hospital gown and have been in an ER for 24 hours. Mortifying.

Sarah

As the wife of a not-bad-looking (not just based on my opinion, but also on the side-eyes he gets in public) man of color who currently teaches first grade and who next year will be teaching pre-K (and who in the past has taught second, third and briefly fourth grades), I get to have this phenomena living in my home and parenting our two kids (one five years, one almost five months). 'Tis pretty cool. Also funny? The clamoring of very well educated, very liberal (and for the most part very white) parents to make sure their kid gets taught by the MAN of COLOR because it is so "broadening". (I say this will all the love in my heart for those folks because I too am white, well educated and very liberal....but it don't keep that s**t from being wicked funny).

PippaD @ A Mothers Ramblings

I was so drooling over these pictures and then I remembered that I shouldn't drool it's impolite when I haven't congratulated Noah on his graduation!

Congratulations!

Now I can go back to drooling. And making plans to move country, I'll post a picture of BB's soon to be teacher and you'll understand why.

Elizabeth

I just had a ridiculously long, semi-serious conversation with a co-worker about how to build a literacy campaign around these two guys, just so we could get MOR FOTOES.

eva

Hot teacher. Lucky momma.

Can you maybe talk more sometime about lunch packing for kindergarten? Our kindergartener will start in September, has been in full time daycare since she was 13 months old, but lunch-making is different for sure for daycare-goers. There are multiple teachers at daycare, who refrigerate things, open containers etc, and provide milk with snacks and lunches so we don't have to send drinks. You send milk box drinks? With ice packs? Does Noah like that? How big is his lunch kit and how big is his backpack? My daughter's lunch kit seems enormous enough, I can't imagine her huffing it around on her back in a pack with ... whatever the hell kindergarteners pack around these days. Also, lunch ideas? Any? We have been sending nut butter and apple butter sandwiches for years and of course kindergarten is nut-free and my kid is picky. Anyway sorry to hijack the comments, good luck and congrats to Noah and to you! You worked just as hard to get him to this point as he did!

Whitney Worthington

SO cute. Those gentlemen are delish. That really never happens. I mean, shit! They still have their hair and everything.

Jo

I was going to try and post a thoughtful, encouraging and celebratory comment, but all that's going through my mind is HURRR DURRR HUBBA HUBBA wowza.

Jules

Ridiculously hot teacher (and aide) aside, I must say that Noah looks particularly dashing in that outfit. Love those little shorts!

I will also say that it's a travesty that we have such a lack of (good looking, former soccer playing) male early education teachers. I think more children could benefit from having a(nother) male role model in their lives.

sarah

I am also so glad you addressed the gorgeous elephant in the room. I would have gone PT at work just to sit in once a week and "help." (need to stop drooling!).
Yeah for Noah!

Lynne

Clearly focused photos of yummy man teachers please!

Steve

Congrats Noah!! You're so awesome dude. If the name wasn't a dead giveaway you could tell by my comment that I'm a guy. Lolz

Korinthia Klein

My daughter had a male teacher this year and he was great. It is a shame it's so rare because how great is that quote: "I want to be a dad and a teacher"??!

Megan

LOL about the teacher and classroom aide, if only because I bet the principal patted him/herself on the back aaaaaall year.

My husband is a teacher (granted, the kids are just a bit older), and yeah, it's hot stuff all right. Women get awfully flirty with him at parties when they find out he teaches. (I just snicker, because girl, please.)

elz

First, Yay! Kindergarten graduation. Second-yahoo teacher and teacher's aide. My kids are in the 1st and 3rd grade and I'm here to tell you that there are no teachers even slightly resembling those -ahem-very good looking teachers. Stupid, rotten luck.

Angela

You are just SUCH a good writer. Congrats to Noah, hope you all have a good summer prepping for first grade! We are in a similar boat:o)

Christine

That's just great, on so many levels.

I was really pleased to see a male kindergarten teacher in my kid's school too (and, actually, he's sort of hot as well), and was hoping my son would be in his class, as he's never had a male teacher. In the end he was in a different class and I was quite happy about that because his teacher was a perfect fit for him. Anyway, we never see the teachers at the front door because they go to make sure the bus riders are all getting on the right buses.

Liz

Congratulations, Noah! And a bigger congratulations to you, Amy. You have done such an awesome job as you raise him (and Ez and Ike). You must be so proud.

And those are prettttttty men. Pretty, PRETTY men.

-k-

Noah! Is a giant! How did that happen so fast? So proud of him, and happy for you. :)

Christina

I was planning on commenting on the photo the second I saw it. Nothing else.

I would tear that classroom UP.

Julie

My 3rd grader's teacher this year was a ridiculously hot Italian man. I kept drooling on myself, so gently handed off the classroom contact stuff to Dad.

Gabrielle

Its such a sexy trait for a man to be loving and "mother-y" to children. I re-fall in love each time I see my husband playing "tea party" with my daughters.

Laura

There is a male teacher at my son's elementary (one! only one!) and I soooo hope he gets him for second grade. I have heard he is wonderful - and I really think that particularly - ahem- active (read:ADHD) boys do so well with male teachers. Men understand boys in a way that women never can, I think (not to sound sexist - but it is true) and little- ahem- ACTIVE- boys respond and relate to men!

Suzy Q

Congrats, Noah!

And also, YOWZA for those teachers. My kindergarten teacher, Miss Grace, was about 110 years old and was missing part of a finger. YOU WIN.

Becca

My kid had a male teacher in her 4K classroom, too! And he was awesomesauce.

Corey Feldman

I don't flirt, but I do give into celebrity crushes.

Erika Mitchell

I'm like that with firemen. Can't seem to un-fluster myself and do anything more coherent than point and nod. It's all very fetching, I'm sure.

Chicgogall

Do you think that by having a male teacher that Noah somehow connected better? Not to down play his own triumphs or your awesomeness as a mom, but do you think that he was more at ease with a male teacher? Curious.

Arnebya

Ezra's expression is still killing me. And first grade, huh? Damn. That's just...smile inducing. I will not, however, fall into the silly territory of commenting about the teachers' looks because seriously ladies, that type of inane look at how attractive they are as though they can't also be smart, well, it's just unnecessary nonsense and furthermore oh bitch shut up because damn they's fine.

Kim W.

My oldest has had one male teacher -- his current Math and Science teacher in grade 7.

My middle child has had one male teacher in grade 1.

My youngest has had one -- his current preschool teacher.

I have to say -- at least for boys (I have no girl experience except my own) -- male teachers are the best. They do wonders for my boys' behavior (especially for my middle child!). I wish there were more of them.

(Seriously -- the first grade teacher could work magic with his 26 kids (2 were autistic). It seemed effortless, compared to the women teachers I've seen with the same class in subsequent years.)

Dawn

That is so sweet and Yay for Noah!

Now: where is this school so I can send my kids there? In the interests of science, of course.

Voice of reason

Yeah, I'd guess that part of your discomfort is due to the fact that this teacher STRONGLY resembles the married man you had an affair with eight years ago. What. The. Eff. Do you really think we have such short attention spans?

gorillabuns

Voice of Reason sounds a little unreasonable-like to me.

Heidi

Hawt. Mommy likey.

Amanda

WHOA...Voice of Reason? What's up with that comment? I must have a very short attention span.

My pre-k daughter has a male teacher, and he's delightful and likely gay. I think men in unexpected professions (and women too) are great role models for all kids.

Jhope

We needed these photos all year!

Brigette

HOLY HOTNESS. You've been holding out on us.

Anna

Hotness all up in the kindergarten room!

And congrats to Noah!

Tosha

Oh my gosh this post was awesome I needed after being with my baby who has a cold and my gosh the bodily fluids!
Those are some um yummy dudes. Congrats Noah!!

Jean

Never thought "pouring tiny cups of apple juice" would sound so much like porn, but MY, the effect it had on me...

Congrats, Noah, and way to be awesome!

Jess

Oh wow I'm hot for teacher. He is very smart to stick with early childhood education where there are fewer teen girl crushes to deal with.

I agree that it's good to see gender diversity in education. I work in elementary education and about a third of the staff is male, which I'm guessing is on the higher side.


Amanda

As I read the first part, I was formulating a comment all about how my 6 year old is so much like Noah and I know the pride (and anxiety) that goes along with him having a really great year, and the uncertainty of whats to come and yadda yadda yadda...and then I saw his teacher and I licked my computer screen and I can't remember what I was going to say now because ZOMG WOW. Yeah. I would never make it through a teacher conference without giggling incessantly. I probably couldn't even look that one in the eye. YOWZA.

JC

The boy teacher we loved was Mr. P. Both of my kids were lucky enough to have him for their 4th grade teacher. It wasn't so much the cute factor, although there was that. It was he was just the best darn teacher ever and he loved all his kids, even the unlovable ones. So, here it is 30 yrs. later. Mr. P is retiring. He is a friend on facebook and has been to our children's weddings. These great teacher types are just the best thing ever. Y'all have been lucky this year.

Mrs Q

I liked this post so much I read it twice. Male elementary school teachers are rare. A hot one is, well, I'd be a blithering idiot, too.

nicolette @ momnivore's dilemma

Hot for teacher, now has a new meaning.

Heather

Well dang! ;) I guess if the teacher ever needs an ego boost he knows where to come haha. The family I nanny for, their older two kids have both had male Kindergarten teachers, and both have been great.

Lis

Congratulations Noah!!!

First grade? Omg.

TallulahEulallie

HOT DAYUM! Anybody want to rent me some kids?

Nancy

The kindergarten our twin girls will go to this fall has 4 teachers, one of whom is a cutie pie guy. I hope that at least one of them gets to be in his classroom!

Mouse

My E. had a couple male preschool teachers and a male kindergarten teacher. I love that he's never thought it odd for men to be teachers.

Congrats to Noah (and to you) for a successful school year!

Jessica

Um...YUM. WOW. I don't have kids but I spose I could rent one...again...YUM!

Karen Ladley

I think it is awesome that these guys put quality of life and education ahead of money for their careers! Men are so often pressured to make huge salaries and not take on such a noble profession. My son had a male sub and he did very well with him - he has SPD as well.

But, yes...all that noble crap aside...*drool*. This teacher could make me actually look forward to an IEP meeting.

jive turkey

GODDAMN.

Hillary

HOT HOT HOT. Also, your description of them doing all these tender things to help the kids really iced the cake. I bet they even smell good (the teachers, not the kids). I don't envy you, though, I would hate to feel like a blathering idiot with my kid's teacher!

Isabel

Congrats for making it through the year to Noah and the rest of your little family.

My son had a male kindergarten teacher this year and it's amazing to watch him with the kids. He's also nice to look at. But he's gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'm just saying.) The most awesome thing about him is that he's about 7 feet tall. NO JOKE. So seeing this guy around all the kids makes him look like even more of a giant.

My dad was a teacher. (He retired last year.) There is something to be said about male teachers.

Lisa

Okay, first time commenter, long time reader. HAD to comment on the hot teacher! Glad you addressed it first. I opened up the blog and I was like "I don't remember Amy's husband being so hot!" (no offense at all intended to your husband).

Wow, just wow.

Sue C

Congrats Noah!!

I am chuckling over all the swooning for his teachers. I am old enough to "enjoy the view" and would probably do no better than any of the others were I to meet them.

Natalie

I would swoon every pick up time, how did you get through the year and why didn't you alert us to this awesomeness earlier!?!

Tara

Congrats, Noah!

And . . . I feel deprived. My son's elementary school has a grand total of 2 male teachers (PE and Music), and, well, they can't hold a candle to Noah's teacher & aide. *sigh*

At least our family really loved our son's teacher the last 2 years (had the same one for kindergarten & 1st grade). She is all kinds of awesome, even if I don't have a crush on her.

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