June 07, 2012
This is the last post of the Sauza sponsorship, and I apologize for both the semi-awkward timing and for...well. You'll see.
In honor of the Sauza Fireman & Kitten Amazingness video, I ordered a twee little beret for my own animals. Oh, how funny that would be! They would look so dashing and jaunty! Like this!
But alas, the beret, it was backordered. I was thwarted by upside-down supply/demand economics! A run on the kitty-beret market! Dump your orange juice futures and invest heavily in felt!
I SHOULD HAVE STOLEN THAT PINK ONE I KNEW IT.
So in desperation I went to the local big-box pet store in search of the Most Ridiculous Thing I Could Put On My Pets' Heads.
I found it, all right. In the form of a doggie doo-rag and some Super Ironical pink skull-and-crossbone hair bows. These items may or may not have come from the "Bret Michaels Pets Rock" apparel collection, which is actually something that actually exists, God save us all.
Anyway! Maximum LOLCAT potential unlocked! Now all I had to do was put said Most Ridiculous Things on said pets' heads and the Internet laughs would flow like tequila. Right? Right.
NOT AMUSED. GOIN TO MURDER YOO IN UR SLEEP.
Our photo op was a bit more...challenging than the one I witnessed at the commercial shoot.
NO HATE NO
hate everything goin poop on her bed then murder in sleep hate no
THIS IS NOT EVEN THE CORRECT WAY TO TIE A DOO-RAG! DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM "ROCK OF LOVE," WOMAN?
Seriously. Just don't look at her. Pretend she's not even there. It takes away her power.
YOU CAN TIE IT PROPERLY ALL YOU WANT NOW, BUT TEH MOMENT HAZ PASSED. LEMME INSIDE FOR WAFFLES.
So it seems, much like tequila recipes, putting things on animals' heads is also best left to the professionals. My pets are clearly warped from their early days as child blog stars, back before the human babies took over around here. Uncooperative divas, I suppose.
PS: Max is totally going to eat my eyeballs tonight, and I will have deserved it.
PPS: DON'T CARE. WORTH IT. HAAAAAAA.
PPPS: I think we should declare June 7th a national holiday where we all drink tequila and put stupid things on our pets' heads. Who's in? I think it could rival Cinco de Mayo. Séptimo de Junio! Hats for all! Dignity for none!
PPPPS: Okay, I'm done now. Thanks for sponsoring these posts and for letting me be so weird, Sauza.