Post-Vacashunzzzzzz
Brave Little Toaster

Tequila Mockingpets

This is the last post of the Sauza sponsorship, and I apologize for both the semi-awkward timing and for...well. You'll see.

In honor of the Sauza Fireman & Kitten Amazingness video, I ordered a twee little beret for my own animals. Oh, how funny that would be! They would look so dashing and jaunty! Like this!

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ZOMG.

But alas, the beret, it was backordered. I was thwarted by upside-down supply/demand economics! A run on the kitty-beret market! Dump your orange juice futures and invest heavily in felt!

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I SHOULD HAVE STOLEN THAT PINK ONE I KNEW IT.

So in desperation I went to the local big-box pet store in search of the Most Ridiculous Thing I Could Put On My Pets' Heads. 

I found it, all right. In the form of a doggie doo-rag and some Super Ironical pink skull-and-crossbone hair bows. These items may or may not have come from the "Bret Michaels Pets Rock" apparel collection, which is actually something that actually exists, God save us all.

Anyway! Maximum LOLCAT potential unlocked! Now all I had to do was put said Most Ridiculous Things on said pets' heads and the Internet laughs would flow like tequila. Right? Right.

Horrible pet owner alert11

NOT AMUSED. GOIN TO MURDER YOO IN UR SLEEP.

Our photo op was a bit more...challenging than the one I witnessed at the commercial shoot

Horrible pet owner alert1

NO.

Horrible pet owner alert2

NO HATE NO

Horrible pet owner alert4

hate everything goin poop on her bed then murder in sleep hate no

Horrible pet owner alert5

THIS IS NOT EVEN THE CORRECT WAY TO TIE A DOO-RAG! DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM "ROCK OF LOVE," WOMAN?

Horrible pet owner alert3

Seriously. Just don't look at her. Pretend she's not even there. It takes away her power. 

Horrible pet owner alert7

YOU CAN TIE IT PROPERLY ALL YOU WANT NOW, BUT TEH MOMENT HAZ PASSED. LEMME INSIDE FOR WAFFLES.

So it seems, much like tequila recipes, putting things on animals' heads is also best left to the professionals. My pets are clearly warped from their early days as child blog stars, back before the human babies took over around here. Uncooperative divas, I suppose. 

PS: Max is totally going to eat my eyeballs tonight, and I will have deserved it. 

Horrible pet owner alert8

PPS: DON'T CARE. WORTH IT. HAAAAAAA.

PPPS: I think we should declare June 7th a national holiday where we all drink tequila and put stupid things on our pets' heads. Who's in? I think it could rival Cinco de Mayo. Séptimo de Junio! Hats for all! Dignity for none!

PPPPS: Okay, I'm done now. Thanks for sponsoring these posts and for letting me be so weird, Sauza.

Comments

Wendy

Ohh I see a conspiracy coming up where they make your life hell.. remember the "mystery poops"? I suspect this will be worse.

Dawn

Aw, Ceiba is wearing a wee babushka!

And yeah, better go ahead and write that farewell post now.

Mermil

This is the single greatest thing I have ever seen. EVER.

neal

So, dressing up pets is cool, but I don't have any. Next best is dressing up my two year old in creepy costumes. I want to get her skeleton pajamas and a face mask (remember Johnny and gang from Karate Kid?). Or a jawa costume. I'm really obsessed with the jawa idea. Maybe...one of those halloween costumes where you can put another fake head on your shuolder. I'd love to see my wife's face when she saw that for the first time.

slane

This was the BEST!

I'm ready to celebrate Séptimo de Junio - dignity for none!

MissRed

HAHA thank you for the laugh, Amalah's pets, I needed that! :-) . And I agree, Septimo de Junio, Dignity for None! :-)

SweetPea

Can we include large animals? Like equine large?

*evil laugh*

They will really love all the ways I can dress them up ;)

souphead

ZOMG! CRYING laughing here. My boss thinks something is wrong.

C

This may or may not be a mistake but I direct you to the awesomeness that is...Kitty Wigs.
http://www.kittywigs.com/

Ceiba looks like the right size for one too. I'm just saying...

Sherri

I'm in! My bulldog will look the fool as soon as I get home. It's my favorite hobby anyway...

beck

OMFSM - so awesome. I could stand to see 300% more posts featuring Max and Ceiba (not that your sweet boys aren't anerable - me just love teh animules.)

charlotte

I think it could catch on! I have a hairless dog that I have subjected to all sorts of ridiculous outfits. If he does not like the outfit he will not move as his form of protest. Like that time I put him in a denim jumpsuit that said hollywood across his butt in glitter.

Arnebya

Stupid humans. At least do this shit when you're drunk.

Max's voice is Antonio Banderas' voice as Puss in Boots: she will rue this day.

Call me Jo

Ha! What timing. I just posted a pic of my dogs in doo-rags (kinda, mostly) in my last blog post. Who knew I was so trendy/heartless?

Erme

Hahahahahahaha I LOVE! THE BEST!!!!

Erika Mitchell

Oh my gosh, there will almost certainly be a hairball in your shoes later.

Brooke

OMFG, Ceiba is totally starring in a community theater production of "Fiddler on the Roof."

"TRADI-SHUUUUNNNNN!!!"

tina

Have you seen these? http://kittywigs.com/wigs.html

I have one. There is only one semi-decent photo from way too many drunken "hey wouldn't it be awesome if we humiliated the animals" photoshoots. Still. Totes worth it.

Anna

The pictures of Ceiba are making me laugh so hard! And I love the one where they're both turned away from you. My dog has the sweetest, happiest expression, but if you put him in a costume where something goes on his head, he looks like he wants to kill himself. It's pitiful!

Corey Feldman

I love the hat on the cat

Sarah

Dear God, why did I take so long to watch that Sauza Tequila commercial?!

Suzy Q

Holy hell, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a looong time! Thanks for the stomach-muscle workout!

Cally

Ceiba is definitely ready to start her suburban hamsterdog street gang.

Becca Lynn

MAX AS A PIRATE FTW.

Stimey

My 7-year-old was sitting with me as I read this. His response? He laughed hysterically, said your dog was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, and then said, "I want to put things on the internet!"

Whimsi

Ceiba looks like a Russian immigrant in that first photo. That's probably already been pointed out but god, so middle-aged Serbian woman.

fire protection systems

Aw... they're soooo adorable! I'm already in love with them. Love all the photos. :)

Carrie

Man, I love that cat. And I have to say that my favourite pic is the very first one of him. Before he even has the bow on. The look on his face as he looks up at you is priceless. He knows something bad is coming. He knows you are up to no good. And he knows he has no choice. It's resignation. Cat's to resignation so well.

Love it.

Carrie

Carrie

Cats *do* resignation so well.

Leah

For the title "Tequila Mockingpets" alone, you win the internet 4eva.

Mary

Man, this is right up there with the deodorant soap opera dramas in my Amalah's favorite blog posts list. I mean, the ones with the now tri-annual birthday videos that make me stifle my sobs at work are great, but animals wearing hats steal the show. My mom has a Pope hat for her massively overweight dachshund. There aren't enough superlatives in the world for that one.

Tress

What I love the most is in "Horrible pet owner alert7" where the bow is already off Max's head and abandoned on the ground and the kitty is nowhere to be seen! *bwaha*

Cali

Ceiba looks like a Russian grandmother in one of those shots! Super cute!

Ashley

Max! Ceiba! Fun accessories! I love this post. :)

Erin

omg. So, I got served with a law suit today and that has a way of bumming a person out. And then I read this post and laughed and snorted and for about 4 minutes forgot I was being sued. Thank you for that. Seriously. I feel like at least 10% better now.

Marie

When you said "putting things on animals' heads is also best left to the professionals," I totally thought you were going to link to dooce for a minute. hahahaha! Oh, poor animals. hahaha!

Kate

Three cheers for Sauza.

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