The Continuing Adventures of Gimpy McGee
Home Improvementish, Part Three

Home Improvementish, Part Two

So first of all, this:



In what is officially the slowest-moving, most-procrastinated kitchen makeover EVER, we finally got around to painting the damn walls this weekend. It tooks us several more weeks to decide on a color, and then...I don't know. The decision took a lot out of us. We had to lie down for awhile. Or a month.

And then we also painted the dining room, getting rid of the gloomy blood-red half-wall that I once declared would be "the first thing to go" when we moved in. (Six years ago.) (But who's counting?) 

In the meantime, this:



My toes continue to be reinforced with toothpicks and silly putty, as I managed to fucking DESTROY my middle toe right in the middle of the project by tripping over the vaccuum cleaner. I've never broken this particular toe before, though, so that's fun. Painful, painful fun. Maybe I should put some booze on it.

Anyway, as much as I would LOVE to show you photos of the finished rooms, it should come as no surprise that...uh...we're still a day or two away from putting shit back in its place and stuff.

Plus I need time to recover from the trip to Ikea that I took by myself, with Noah and Ezra, in search of cabinet handles, only to find that Smaland was over capacity and the wait was at least an hour. And whatever, I'm just here for cabinet handles and that will take 10 minutes so I'll just take the kids into Ikea with me, it'll be fine.

Two hours (plus 26 cabinet handles, one desk lamp and a medicine cabinet for the guest bathroom) later, my toe had swollen to the size of an EKTORP, I'd run out of privileges to revoke and lives to threaten and my children had loudly and officially declared me to be the meanest mommy in the entire world. 

And then I came home and accidentally threw myself against a freshly-painted doorjam in a dramatic NEVER AGAIN flourish.

All in all, a ragingly productive weekend for me, as long as you set the bar low, like at NOT DYING as the baseline criteria for success and moving up from there.



Broken toes are the devil. Ouchy!

I am yet to attempt IKEA with the sproglet but when I do I shall heed the advice!


Oh. Urk. And...ouch. And this is why home improvement projects should never be attempted. I'll point to this post as the reason when I'm asked when I'm going to finish the basement. Too dodgy man. Too. Dodgy.


My husband is trying to re-do our breakfast area. We are on week three of putting up bead board. Nothing ever goes fast or efficiently around here.


Ok, there seriously needs to be an Ikea app that tells you when Smaland is at or nearing capacity so you can just circle the parking lot till space becomes available. Someone smarter than me get on that!

crabby appleseed

...sooo, how on earth do you guys do these projects yourselves? What with the three small children? Because my husband and I cannot accomplish a thing.

crabby appleseed

...sooo, how on earth do you guys do these projects yourselves? What with the three small children? Because my husband and I cannot accomplish a thing.

crabby appleseed

...sooo, how on earth do you guys do these projects yourselves? What with the three small children? Because my husband and I cannot accomplish a thing.

Amy in StL

Dude! Your bruising matches your toenail polish! Also, I'm in the process of buying a house that needs a little refreshing. Hold me.


The doorjam (my computer would like me to spell that doorjamb?) part killed me because that is something that I would absolutely do.


Hmmm. I too have broken a toe by jamming it on our vacuum...twice. Two different toes. And our housemate is a house cleaner by profession and just came home with a broken toe having jammed it on a vacuum. I think the vacuums are rising up and taking over. One broken toe at a time.


Steel. Toed. Boots.


Stupid IKEA. I still have PTSD from taking a colicky newborn there alone. Did you know that an infant car seat does not fit in any manner in their giant carts? Colicky infant thrashed around so mightily as to fling her whole carseat off the top of the cart, where it was precariously balanced at 137 degrees on a half-tilt. Had to carry infant in one arm and push massive Hümmer cart with one hand, spraining wrist. Hate you, IKEA.


Katie, the word is door jamb. The only reason I know this is because we are currently looking at remodeling our tiny 1940's house and I found plans from the original house that talk about door jambs.

Suzy Q

I spy with my little eye...the Makers Mark! And also that ridiculous Alton Brown salt cellar that I also bought (HAD TO HAVE IT) and now never use.

Hope you heal up before Sparklecorn!


I've got an EKTORP. They're that cheap because they are build to miniature people who don't mind torture. We ended up buying another couch within a year.


Woah, I painted my toenails the exact same color this morning :-). But then again, I don't have the rainbow effect on that one toe. Unlucky you!!

Rebecca @ Sink Or Swim

Can't wait for pictures... and I am sad because there is no IKEA here in Hawaii! What am I going to do without my cheap Swedish furniture fix!


On a happy note, your color picking-out skills are improving, as that nail polish shade compliments your bruise so well!

cagey (Kelli Oliver George)

Ugh. I hear you. 3 weeks ago I embarked on our dining room, which sported 1989 wallpaper (striped above the chair rail and floral BELOW the chair rail - Classy!) I am only just getting the damned room back together.

I hear wine does wonders on the healing of toes and whatnot.

Shannon @nwaMotherlode

Ouch! I truly winced when I saw that picture of your poor toe. Sign of a fabulous weekend.


A day where nobody ends up dead? Totally productive.

However, someday when you're asked if you had a productive day, and you're like, "Eh. Not really," they'll hang there head and look greatly embarrassed, and say, "I'm really sorry. I didn't know." And you'll be like, "Wha?" and they'll give you a big, un-asked for hug and look soberly into your eyes and say, "You are SO strong. But really. If there's anything, ANYTHING I can do, promise you'll let me know." And they'll beat a quick retreat.

This story is still going on in my head, but I'ma cut it off here.

Big Gay Sam

hmm... 49 years and I've never broken a toe. Of course this coming from a regional cultural aberration that considers bare feet an affront to humanity.

Plus we have cactus spines and scorpions and other nasty critters that love to pierce soft feet to consider.

Wear shoes, girl! :p


I love, love, LOVE the blue glitter nail polish!


gahhhhhhh. I've been living in suspense for months wondering what shade of grey you would pick. Seriously - I'm also picking from six billion shades of grey for my living room and can't pick.


What kind of nail polish is on your toes!? I love it! Hope your toe heals soon! :)


Is it sad that I knew EKTORP is a sofa without clicking on the link?


Come over to my house and be gloriously clumsy please. I'd like my family to stop teasing me for falling on my ass and nearly breaking my wrist now.

Korinthia Klein

"Maybe I should pour some booze on it" made me laugh out loud! Thanks for that.


Hahaha, I read this after returning home from a trip to Ikea with my mom and son, so your timing could not have been better! (Also? I think your baseline criteria for a good day is spot on!) :)

Mom In Two Cultures

If it home improvement was left to me, we would all be in big trouble. Kudos for never giving up (even when it seems pretty obvious that you should :)).


Sympathy for your toe pain, but it's nice to know I'm not the only who gets injured doing home renovations. We just gutted our bathroom, a job that was supposed to take a week has, unsurprisingly, morphed into three. During which I stabbed myself in the palm requiring an ER trip. Even though it happened while prying the pit from an avocado, I'm totally blaming on power tools.

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