The Continuing Adventures of Gimpy McGee
July 20, 2012
Not long after the Vet Bill of Unspeakable Horrors — I believe our credit card was still hot to the touch — Ceiba starting limping.
Limping isn't a zero to X-ray thing with her, as Min Pins tend to have trick kneecaps (luxating patellas, if you wanna be all science-y about it). Ceiba's knees haven't bothered her in years, at least not as frequently as when she was a puppy, but I still assumed that was the problem and her kneecap would pop back into place on its own, as usual.
When it didn't, I stretched and massaged it, then puzzled a bit because her kneecap felt fine, at least to my inexpert fingers. Later I realized that all that stretching and massaging seemed to have made things worse, because her leg was now noticeably swollen and I was an asshole.
I told Jason it was probably time to go back to the vet — and while at first he protested with this wild, terrified look in his eyes, like oh god oh no not again with all of the money — he agreed and took her to the emergency vet for an examination and x-ray.
Good news: 'Tis merely a sprain. Try to get her to rest it for awhile. Here are some pain pills.
(And oh. That'll be $400.)
Ceiba, being the idiot pea brain that she is, did not rest it. Despite my PERFECTLY REASONED explanations that she needed to stay on her dog bed and let a human carry her up and down stairs, she continued to behave like a spastic moneky. She chased squirrels. She wigged out over the mail. She jumped on and off the couch. She fell down the stairs. She antagonized the cat who promptly laid her ass out flat.
By my count, she has partially healed and then re-sprained that same damn leg a half-dozen times. The vet recommended upping the pill frequency to keep her doped and still.
You guys, I think my dog is intentionally engaging in drug-seeking behaviors.
Or maybe just peanut-butter seeking. Three times a day, she gets a baby spoon's worth of peanut butter with the doggie equivalent of oxycontin ("doxy," I call it, because I am stupid and think this is an hilarious pun) hidden inside. Twice a day, she loses her ever-loving mind over this amazing treat with an enthusiasm previously reserved for waffles.
SPOON SPOON OH GOD IT'S A SPOON MAH LEG HURTS REAL BAD, YO
OH NOM NOM
OH HOW I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER WITH A MEDICINAL BURNY CENTER
SEE YOU IN EIGHT HOURS, SPOON
(Seriously though: Dog. Calm the fuck down and stop hurting your damn leg. Everybody already feels sorry enough for your goofy hamster self without the pathetic limp. GO LIE DOWN.)