Omg. So GET THIS.
Remember the ear lump? The ear lump that made me the novelty-freak-show hit of the dermatologist office? Yes, that one.
My dermatologist referred me to a plastic surgeon. That appointment was this morning. After spending an hour in the waiting room (covetously eyeballing the tummy tuck and neck lift brochures), then another half hour in the doctor's office...the plastic surgeon spent 10 minutes examining the lump before saying, basically: Yeah, there is no way in FUCK I am touching that.
So while my dermatologist was right that the lump probably formed in utero — like when I was just a wee, oversharing zygote — removing it is actually a super-complicated, involved thing. I need an Ear, Nose & Throat surgeon because the malformation likely goes very deep and is very close to very important facial nerves. (In some cases, he said, they actually wrap around the nerves.) If those nerves get damaged in any way during the surgery, I'll have facial paralysis and look like I had a stroke.
But forgoing the surgery is not really an option either, because at the rate it's been growing, the lump itself will eventually put pressure on the nerves and cause damage or paralysis ANYWAY.
WTF EAR LUMP. I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL.
The good news is that it's "definitely not cancer." It's just a stupid mass of pain-in-the-ass bullshit that will now keep me awake at night for non-fatal reasons.
Anyway. I am now waiting for a surgeon recommendation. (He wants to confer with my dermatologist first, you know, because Weird Ear Lump is Just That Weird.) Just wanted to keep y'all up-to-date about my fascinatingly unusual malformed head, UGH.