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September 2012
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November 2012

This Official Everything Is Okay Alarm

We're fine, yes, for those of you who aren't on Teh Twittermajob or Teh Instagramamajig and therefore missed my HOURS LONG, hurricane-related, compulsive-shopping bender, during which I purchased approximately four dozen mismatched pieces of vintage Depression and Indiana glass, because apparently I am That Person now, That Person Who Collects Mismatched Vintage Glass And Gets Like, Scary Into It. OMG PLATES OMG BOWLS OMG CANDLEHOLDERS HOLY SHIT IT'S A GODDAMN CREAMER OMG. A warning to anyone contemplating spending the holidays with us: I am now obligated to cook approximately 35 different side dishes, including stuff that will fit in a... Read more →


Okay, so I'm guessing we're only a few hours away from being plunged into hurricane-related darkness and Nick-Jr-less misery, so I'm typing as fast as I can to get this entry done and we all nkow nothing goood kan com of thsi. You stay classy, East Coast! (And safe. That too.) On the opposite end of the weather spectrum, Friday was a beautiful day. Almost unfair, even, that such a perfect fall day was ruined by intrusive thoughts of "I don't trust that tree over there" and "I need to go buy bread and canned goods and booze and a... Read more →

Bait and Switch. BAIT AND SWITCH!

On the other end of the Halloween Drama Spectrum, Noah walked into Target a few weeks ago and calmly and casually pointed at an Anakin Skywalker costume. "That one," he said, like a perfectly regular kid who has never flipped his everloving shit at the mere mention of dressing up. It was one of those hugely baffling, come-from-nowhere breakthroughs that I no longer question. Just shut your mouth and hand over the credit card, Mom, lest you say the wrong thing and accidentally rip open the fabric of the universe anew. I planned to take Ezra to Party City yesterday,... Read more →

The DIY Green Ninja Costume of Fail

So. As you may have gathered from the million and seventeen point two times I have mentioned it, my children are pretty obsessed with the Ninjago series from Lego. (Well, Noah and Ezra, anyway. Ike seems on the fence about it. On the one hand, you can't actually ride on any of the Sonic Raider Dragon Chopper Skull Truck Whatever The Hell things, unlike our ancient neglected Cozy Coupe which is getting a late-in-life chance at love again. He especially enjoys driving it off the step into our living room, Thelma-and-Louise style.) (On the other hand, he very much enjoys... Read more →

This Is the Birthday That Never Ends

After a few years of convincing our children that a visit from Grandma and Grandpa totally counts as a birthday party, we decided that we owed them a wee bit of a blowout. And so in accordance with our local traditions, we set two dozen or so children loose in a local inflatable thunderdome for a couple hours. Not to brag or anything, but this was THE birthday party to be at, at least between the hours of 1:00 and 2:45 pm. The next party started at three and was probably pretty much the same. Slides, climbing, jumping, bouncing and... Read more →

So Long & Thanks For All the Fish

I used to wonder when we'd be "done." After the speech therapy? Occupational therapy? After the mock preschools, special preschools, summer camps, kindergarten or...? I don't even know what I thought "done" meant. No more therapy? No more IEP? A final ruling out of SPD, PDD, ASD, ADHD, AFLACDIAFOMGBBQ? A child with no label? A child who is "cured" and "easy" and "totally predictable" and "not such a quirky little amped-to-11 question mark?" Obviously, duh. Bless my precious little heart, I just wasn't that bright. Noah is who he is, he will always be who he is, and we will... Read more →

She's Lump, Part Who Cares

So. Basically. Epic Post-MRI Runaround was Epic. I waited patiently by the phone for several days, because of COURSE my doctor would call me. He SAID he would call me. And no one has ever lied about calling me back in my entire life ever. I mean, except for all those times in middle school, high school and college. OTHER THAN THAT, I AM JUST BRIMMING WITH RAINBOW-TINTED OPTIMISM. My doctor never called me. So I took the drastic step of — omfg — calling him back. Or...I tried, at least. This particular ENT doctor is part of a absolutely... Read more →

Eat Like No One's Watching

It's easy to get a little melancholy around their birthdays...I spend a couple days going through photos and videos, watching them grow up in fast-forward mode, feeling alternately proud and wistful while absent-mindedly tugging the sagging, aging skin around my jawline over and up, like a fake facelift, because FOUR. He's FOUR. My baby is four. So it's good know that some things haven't changed. Much. Yet. That boy still enjoys the hell out of a good cupcake. Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate-chip cookies on top. Young minds, BLOWN. And there it is. It's like a choco-riffic autopsy. However, he IS... Read more →

Four Going On Awesome

Today is Ezra's fourth birthday. Happy birthday, my funny little wonderful Zahbaby, and thanks for still letting me call you that. He woke up insisting that no, he is NOT four. He is six and a half. He has been waiting his whole life to be six and a half, like Noah was. Apparently he thought once Noah turned seven, he could move into the six and a half spot, like claiming an older sibling's room once they head off to college. He's still a little grumpy about the whole topic. Which means it's time for me to queue up... Read more →

Every Which Way But Good

I. The Genetics of Crud-Covered Scrunchface Me, circa the days when metal cabinets with sharp rusty edges ruled the earth. Ike, circa last week. It's awesome how they only look like me when they're acting like goofball weirdos. Awesome and telling. II. No, But Seriously, He's Huge Now And all day long he's like "Shhzz? Go? Shhzz? Go?" which roughly translates to "Put my shoes on, woman, and let's bust this joint." One of these doors has to take me outside. Or at least protect somethng dangerous and perfectly sized for my mouth. III. Call Me Maybe Hello? OMG YOU... Read more →