December 05, 2012
Ommahgod. Okay. I think...yes. I think I can finally stop leading off every. goddamned. blog post. with an update on Look Who's Puking Now. We're all better now. Jason, that magnificent bearded bastard, was our last holdout and it looks like he's going to make it through completely uninfected.
Unless I just jinxed him. Right then. I'd delete that sentence but 1) the universe KNOWS I typed it so the damage is probably already done, and 2) I've been waiting my entire life to type the words "magnificent bearded bastard" in reference to my husband, so whatever. SORRY, HONEY.
In fact, I like calling him that so much I might — finally, after eight freaking years of this shitshow — give him an anonymous blog moniker and refer to him as MBB full-time now. Until he shaves, which he keeps threatening to do, until I pout.
Anyway. I have lost my train of thought. It's okay, I didn't really have a point anyway.
And now I have a conference call for my other life, the one that doesn't involve talking about vomit and boobs. Hold on. This'll only take an hour or so, since that's my maximum limit on pretending to know what I'm talking about.
SOCIAL MEDIA ENGAGEMENT CLICKS IN-BOUND MARKETING KEYWORD DENSITY STRATEGERY MOTHERFUCKERS
Aaaaand now I'm sleepy.
So we finally have bid adieu to the Couch Bed and vaccuumed up the Recovery Cheerios that fell in between the cushions.
The only lasting effect seems to be Noah's insistence that it wasn't germs that made him sick, it was the candy he'd eaten Sunday night from the advent calendar.
Solution = never eat candy ever again.
We'll see how long that lasts.
(Though to this day I still cannot eat angel food cake after a particularly vicious stomach flu incident from my childhood. Hours upon hours of angel-food-cake-flavored nausea. Disgusting. I can't even smell angel food cake without gagging.)
For now he's been giving his candy to Ike, whose own bout with the barf began a few hours after we took them all to see Wreck-It Ralph, during which I kept Ike quiet by feeding him an entire bag of Reese's Pieces.
Let us never speak of that crib sheet again.
But Ike's still totally down with Reese's Pieces. And the advent calendar. And couch Cheerios. And basically all foods in general.