Dispatches From the Living Room of Sodor, Part One
Cloth Diaper Dropout

Dispatches From the Living Room of Sodor, Part Two

(Because of course when I said "tomorrow" way back on Thursday you know I actually meant "Monday" because I love to cause confusion and delay and also toy with your semi-half-interested emotions. I wish I could express that all in charm bracelet form.)

After Noah got back into the track-building action, there was a brief shining renaissance in the new and improved Sodor. Once again, getting from Point A to Point B involved crossing over an insane number of bridges and lots of going in circles, but the people liked it that way.

They also seemed fine with the fact that "Point A" and "Point B' didn't really exist either, because going specific places is not the POINT. The POINT, of course, is to chugga-chugga around in endless loppy circles for no damn reason while the nearby giants squabble over the blue train and the red train and the green train and the OTHER blue train that's mine THAT'S MINE THAT'S MIIIIIIINE MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM.

Of course, you're going to have to take my word for it about that renaissance, because by the time I returned to take pictures everything had promptly gone to shit once again.  

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Floors are the new train table. 

A war had broken out between several competing track designers, apparently. 

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"Hector!" James cries. "Why did I never profess my love for you, Hector? Now we are all derailed and it is forever too late."

"KEEP AWAY," Hector blasts. "I SHALL ONLY HURT YOU, FOR MY HEART IS BLACK AS THE COAL I CARRY."

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"It's happening again," says Thomas. "I can't go through this again. I'm not going back in that storage bin again, man. I'm old and chipped and faded — I won't make it this time. I'm gonna use this miniature Lego blaster gun and...and..."

"Shit," says Thomas. "I've got no arms."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the track, it's...

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DEATH PROOF II: THE ZOMBIE ROTISSERIE CHICKEN MINIVAN APOCALYPSE

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Not even Sir Topham Hat was spared when the picnic basket contents mutated and went on a rampage. And that's why you don't picnic too close to Ye Olde Genetics Mill.

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And for what? For a little bit of money. Lego money, that isn't even to fucking scale. 

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I can't even begin to think of something clever to say about this one. There's an Ove Glove, a sippy cup and a visible plastic toilet. Some things are just to randomly weird, even for me. 

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I will say that "James' Tender" is totally going to be the name of my adult contemporary death metal cover band, however. 

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The Isle of Sodor has been granted refugee status and is presently allowed to stay above ground in the living room, provided it is properly stowed at the end of every adventure, because at least the children are playing with all this pricey bullshit again, right? Right. 

(I predict I will step on something pointy within the next day or two and promptly hurl the entire lot back into the basement. Sorry, Thomas.)

 

Comments

Ann

Can I please be in your adult contemporary death metal cover band, too?

Ladotyk

Love it! My little girl is suddenly and deeply obsessed with Thomas as well. Lukily she's content to play with the trains from our dominoes game and push them around the Island of Sodor that I drew on a big piece of butcher paper.

Cara

I suspect some tampering with the setup... However, I will allow it as I almost peed myself over the heart black as coal bit.

Kristen

The rotisserie chicken in the driver's seat has me laughing like an idiot here at work.

Amy

I just love that you used a Sir Topham hat reference right of the bat in saying that you like to 'cause confusion and delay'. I dont know how proud I am of myself for recogninizing said reference....

Brandi

Amy you crack my shit up! The roasted turkey driving the mini-van gave me a MUCH needed laugh! Please thank whichever one of the boys was responsible for that bit of hilarity!

Cran

A bit off-topic but....my daughter had that mini van and the loving family and I think the babies were twins? At any rate, there was something demonic about the babies' eyes. Put them at the BOTTOM of the storage bin.

Mom in Two Cultures

Amy, won't you please, please, please caption this awesome story my 8 y.o. wrote? It's begging for good copy!

http://www.momintwocultures.com/2013/02/back-by-popular-demand.html?m=0

maggie

God! Not the rotisserie chicken!!! How could they?

Helen

James Tender could be an indie band too.

Amy M.

I'd love to be in your adult contemporary death metal cover band, too! If we ever do an original, it should be "Heart as black as the coal I carry".

Ashley

And you just KNOW there is some porn site somewhere that has already done the ove glove, sippy cup and plastic toiled setup. Derivative!

Heather

My brother and I both have kids addicted to Thomas, and one day we finally snapped and made a snarky Thomas twitter feed. (@RealWorldSodor) I say this not to fish for followers but to let you know that I feel your pain.

Literally, for I often step on Thomas toys myself. OMGOWWW.

JCF

When my 2 year old was a very colicky and spit-uppy baby, my then 3 year old used to announce with fury, "That baby is causing confusion and delay!"

That baby continues to cause confusion and delay every time they set up a track around the living room--he's like Godzilla on the Island of Sodor.

Barb

legos have $$$ ?

flybigd

In the words of Queens of the Stone Age, "all death metal, all the time." I think I will call my band Confusion and Delay....

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