Noah For President
March 04, 2013
I imagine many of you, upon hearing the words "LET ME SHOW YOU MY KID'S ART PROJECT," have the exact same reaction as if I said "LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THIS WEIRD DREAM I HAD."
Which is to promptly set yourself on fire, and then run away screaming that you left the iron on and Beyonce's on the phone.
Which is fine and understandable and LET ME SHOW YOU MY KID'S ART PROJECT.
Noah had to put together a book for President's Day and answer some questions about what he would do when he becomes president. Which is definitely going to happen. Nothing is going to hold this kid back when it comes to fulfilling his dream of Holding A Stick and Having A Hat. NOTHING, I TELL YOU. IT"S THE AMERICAN DREAM. YOU WERE IN THE DREAM TOO, BUT NOT REALLY AS YOURSELF, YOU KNOW? IT WAS WEIRD.
I don't know who the man and woman are on the other side of the desk here, or what their speech squiggles represent, but I like to imagine that it's me and Jason, continuing to provide guidance and counsel to our hat-wearing, stick-holding runaway success of a child.
I also imagine Noah is telling us to get the hell away from his desk and out of his chair. God, Mom, shut up.
This is either a really solid presidential plan or a rejected storyboard from a Damon Lindelof sequel to Air Force One.
Ledis = lettuce? I think?
In other words, Mom, I will eat that salad when I am President, pigs fly, hell freezes over, etc.
COME BACK HERE DOG I HAVE A STICK.
Please note the SERIOUS EYEBROWS. He is not messing around. Everyone please commence caring about each other right this second. He will send your ass to jail, people. Stop being a bunch of jerks.
I cannot argue with that. He really would. STORCH 2040.