(So it's come to this. Oh, blogging. The world had such high hopes for you!)
Despite the now-documented existence of ZOMBIE BETCHTABULS, Ezra continues to blow my tiny little mind with his love of salad. And Noah continues to glare tiredly at me, meal after meal, because he is NOT RELATED TO THAT FREAK OVER THERE. THE ONE EATING RAW LETTUCE LEAVES.
So meal planning continues to be a delicate dance o' Food Tetris — Child A will eat this but not that, Child B will eat that but not this. Child C is a wildcard, accepting and rejecting foods randomly and capriously like a total freaking jerk.
Meanwhile, Jason and I would also, you know, like to eat things that we like. And to eat things that are healthy-to-healthy-ish, but are satisfying enough to curb the 10 pm cravings for ALL THE CARBS IN THE HOUSE. And can it not take a million hours to make? Also, please include some free diamonds and a unicorn, while we're making requests.
We have had some successes, though. Noah discovered that he likes carrots. Cooked carrots, anyway, and carrots that have been glazed in butter and maple syrup. Which...okay, maybe not the biggest nutrition win in the world but I will take it. He calls them "fruit carrots," and I will take that as well. Especially since he gamely tried and roundly hated all of the following:
- Cantaloupe <--- WHAT
- Grapes <--- ARE YOU HUMAN
- Strawberries <--- SERIOUSLY I AM ASKING
- Kiwi <--- okay the seeds are kind of weird
- Cauliflower browned in sesame oil with a little sea salt <--- FINE KID MOAR FOR MEEEE
But! Buuuuut! He also ate these turkey burgers and these bison burgers, despite them being completely chock full of things that could be picked out. And despite them being BURGERS, which he refused to have anything to with for about 80% of his life. (He would eat the bun, maybe, and only if he could pick off any microscopic flecks of any evidence that it came in contact with the burger patty.) After a dubious breakthrough involving a McDonald's cheeseburger last year, I of course tried to get him to eat burgers at home, but was informed that my homemade burgers were not McDonaldsy enough, either in taste or appearance.
What changed? I bought a package of slider buns.
And my kids were TOTAL SUCKERS for those slider buns. They were so excited about the stupid tiny buns that they didn't even notice or care that we'd put beans in the burgers. Beans! TEXTURE MADNESS YOU GUYS.
(The recipe calls for kidney beans, which we did not have. I used cannelini instead and they were delicious. Thanks to basically being raised at a Chipotle, Ezra and Ike actually like plain beans, so I just served the rest of the can as a side for them with some olive oil and seasonings.)
Two nights later they were STILL so excited about the stupid tiny buns that they didn't even notice or care that we'd put DICED JALAPENO in the burgers.
I think I shall write my own book about how to get kids to eat. I shall call it "Stupid Tiny Buns" and it will be exactly three pages long.
Chapter One: Buy Yourself Some Stupid Tiny Buns
Chapter Two: Put Stuff on the Stupid Tiny Buns
Chapter Three: PROFITTTT
Now I want try some veggie burgers on the Stupid Tiny Buns because I can't leave well enough alone. I will up this goddamn burger ante to antes previous un-upped. (Anyone have a good recipe? Preferably one with lots of beans and lentils since I THINK that would have a higher chance of acceptance? Of course now that I've put that in writing...)
For the record, and in the interest of full disclosure, this one would not even TRY the bison burger, despite loving the turkey version. He ate some tomato and two Stupid Tiny Buns. Luckily he is cute and obviously not wasting away to a carb-based nothing.