Baby's First Swag Bag
July 26, 2013
Yesterday, Ezra went on a field trip with his YMCA camp. He had a ton of fun — even the camp director came over to comment on Ezra's super off-the-charts level of enthusiasm for the day's activities — however, I have honestly no idea where he went or what he did.
According to the thing they sent home (you know, the thing, the scrunched-up paper thing you find in the bottom of your child's backback, underneath a soggy towel and dirty swimsuit, the thing that was likely due back with a signature and $2 that morning, uh, whoops), the field trip was to something called THINGAMAJIG. Which is a very helpful and descriptive title, obviously. THINGAMAJIG seemed to be something that we were already supposed to be familiar with, as this was the 19th annual THINGAMAJIG, a grand and noble YMCA of Metropolitan Washington tradition, something we probably already had marked down in our calendars, because THINGAMAJIG.
Anyway, THINGAMAJIG is apparently an annual "Invention Convention" aimed at getting kids involved in STEM, and...here, I Googled it and found the website. You now know as much as me. You are now an Advanced THINGAMAJIGGER. Congratulations.
Honestly most of my confusion stemmed (HA! STEM! GEDDIT?) from the fact that it all clearly seemed aimed at older kids, so I wasn't really sure why Ezra's mini-camp of four-year-olds was also going. But then they told me that the THINGAMAJIG field trip included a free lunch AND two extra whole hours added onto the camp day, two extra whole free hours of childcare, so like, giddy up. Here's the permission form to take my child to a thing that I do not understand for an extended period of time. Please try to return him mostly undented.
Again, Ezra was floating on cloud nine when Jason picked him up. He was postively beaming. They rode there on a big yellow school bus! He made two new friends! There were sandwiches!
(His fingernails were also painted bright pink. I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT ASKING.)
I'm used to not really getting a good, full story on things from Ezra, though. He's...creative, that one. Our usual report from camp is something like, "My pretzels got soggy and the sun made me cold, and Peter was there but not the Regular Peter, and I wanted to play sports but we didn't play any sports. Then we played basketball and then I came home and now I'm hungry."
But he came back yesterday with a small backpack. It's one of those small drawstring pouch-style backpacks, printed with the official seal of the Federal Aviation Administration. Okay? He was very, VERY excited about it. He would not allow me to see the contents, however. "It's a purprise. For your birfday. So you have to wait until Friday."
Never let it be said that I am one to disrespect my child's random, nonsensical wishes. I dropped him off at camp and then came home to rifle through the contents of Baby's First Swag Bag, mostly in hopes that it would contain some clues about what he did yesterday.
Item #1: A small styofoam-ish airplane. It does not actually fly — more like flips itself over and immediately kamikazies to the floor— but that MIGHT be due to assembly error as the top side of tail piece is clearly labeled OTHER SIDE UP.
Please note that things stop making sense pretty quickly after this.
Item #2: A lanyard, sans badge, courtesy of GE. So if BlogHer ran out of lanyards this year, like they do every year, hit me up and I'll mail you this one.
Item #3: A plastic spoon. This item I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt to, as it's entirely possible that Ezra was given the spoon to eat a snack at some point and then decided to bring it home as a very important and valuable major award.
Item #4: A pen, courtesy of an accounting, tax and advisory firm. Rock on, kids! Stay in school! Pay your taxes! Please note that the pen is also branded with "WINDPOWER 2013."
Item #5: Seriously, the hell? Did Ezra like, wander away from the group and crash some rando expo hall somewhere? Who was he playing tic-tac-toe with? THE QUESTIONS ARE MOUNTING, YOU GUYS.
Item #6: Yup. Classssssic Ezra. He will never let me throw this out, either.
Item #7: The "Runway Safety Collection" DVD from the Federal Aviation Administration. It contains four short videos that "explore risk and prevention strategies, while operating in the terminal airspace and on the surface of airports." They are titled...
1. Heads Up, Hold Short, Fly Right
2. Listen Up, Read Back, Fly Right
3. "Was That For Us?"
4. Face to Face, Eye to Eye
...AND I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM OMG.
Item #8: A WiFi-N-Wireless CAM Finder. If you are not sure what a WiFi-N-Wireless CAM Finder does, or why they gave one to a FOUR-YEAR-OLD CHILD, rest assured that the packaging only really answers one of those questions:
It's small and compact! Fits in toddler-sized pockets! Detect your parents' privacy-invading baby monitors without even opening your notebook computer!
(And yet possibly not appropriate for those children's 35-year-old mothers, cuz snerk hee pffft haaa.)