The Book of Jackass
August 12, 2013
For our anniversary, we did our typical thing of better parenting through abandonment (patent pending) and once again left the boys with the grandparents while we got a hotel room in D.C. and did all sorts of scandalous things like SLEEP IN and READ BOOKS and BUY ALLERGY MEDICINE AT CVS.
Back when we were first married, we would sometimes talk about how we would celebrate the big milestone-type anniversaries. We were VERY ambitious: I think we decided that at 10 years we'd throw a big party and renew our vows at a vineyard (on top of a mounnntain), and at 15 years we'd go to Italy. Then the actual milestones come up and we're like, what? We barely tolerated our original wedding, why did we think we'd ever feel some buring desire to do that again?
And while a trip to Italy still sounds pretty awesome...well, The Book of Mormon was in town this weekend, no airport or passport or the ability to ask for Zyrtec in Italian required.
(And thanks to my husband's awesome photo-taking skills, I may or may not have gotten all dressed up...or shown up in my pajamas. THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW.)
Unlike some of my more recent excursions out into the world, amongst the civilized people, I am ecstatic to report that I managed to not fall down and/or injure myself at all, not even a little. Unless you count one blister, four mosquito bites and the giant leg bruise I gave myself on Friday afternoon while packing.
(I bruised myself on the corner of an envelope. A regular paper envelope that did not contain any knives or rocks or anything. It started out like a paper cut and then morphed into a huge black-and-blue mark by Saturday. Iron supplements, per favore?)
So I don't know if you have heard anything about The Book of Mormon — I mean, I know I'm super cutting-edge when it comes to experimental indie musical theater and all — but it turns out it's really funny. Like so funny you're going to get on your own nerves for laughing so much because you just laughed through another joke and now everybody else is laughing and you missed it, and now you'll NEVER EVER KNOW what that joke was because you had to sell 1.5 of your children eight months ago for these tickets and this was kind of your only shot.
The other thing about The Book of Mormon is that it is unbelievably profane and offensive. (IN A GOOD WAY.) I know that shouldn't have surprised me because of the South Park/Avenue Q connections but STILL. There are lyrics that even I don't dare repeat here, and fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck, y'all. Of course, that just made me laugh even harder because holy shit, this show won every Tony Award ever and they just said...that. And then they said it AGAIN.
(I'm listening to the cast recording as I type this, for at least the four dozenth time. THAT SHOW HAS WARPED MAH FRAGILE LITTLE MIND.)
But anyway, the couple sitting right next to us was...older. A lot older. Dressed very fancy. Had that vibe of coming to the Kennedy Center a lot and probably knew where the bathrooms were, unlike me who was perpetually asking people only to be told I was on the completely wrong side. (There were a lot of wrong sides, apparently.) For some reason, I couldn't stop glancing over to gauge their reaction to the show — like the way I did when my parents and I saw Les Miserables and "Lovely Ladies" started and I was like, oooohhhh right. That.
At first it seemed like they were NOT laughing, and I started wondering if the view from their seats was slightly better than ours because they were OBVIOUSLY going to bail at intermission. Her mouth was a stiff line, arms crossed, he kept putting his head down like he was embarassed. I felt kind of bad for them. Because yeah, it's getting pretty South Park-y here and...wait. She's laughing. His shoulders are shaking. And did they just high five?
I swear I didn't spend the whole show obsessing over this couple but it turned out they were a HOOT. They kept trying to hold in their giggles and then failing and would both just erupt into hysterical laughter together. Kind of like Jason and I kept doing, in between our gleeful looks of oh my God did they just say that?
After the show (and the extended standing ovation, during which I am 72% sure I heard someone yell "FREEBIRD!") I was almost overcome with the urge to befriend them. Here's a picture of our baby; we totally named him after the one on South Park. You wanna go get a drink? Tell us your secrets to a happy longterm relationship? Maybe go hit up a strip club?
In the end I did none of those things, we all simply smiled and wished each other a good evening and then Jason and I went back to the hotel and ordered a cheeseburger from room service. He asked me what I thought we should do for our 20th wedding anniversary, or our 30th. I thought about it for a minute, and then about the older couple from the show.
"This," I said. "I think it would be great if we're still doing exactly this."