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November 2013
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January 2014

Holiday Portraits of Incompetence

Good news! I finally found the "real" camera. Bad news! Almost every photo I took with it is terrible. Which means good news for you, the easily-amused people of the Internet, because you get to point and laugh at my pathetic photography skills. And perhaps learn some lessons! Because that's what this blog is all about, right? The lessons, and the learning. Let's hold hands. Sorry mine are so alarmingly sweaty. LESSON #1: Maybe move the overflowing hamper full of cloth diapers out of frame. (In my defense, they were clean, having been washed in the last gasp of hot... Read more →


Merry Belated Christmas. Here's a Crappy Numbered Listicle Post.

1) Homeownership. Fuck yeah! On twas'd the night before Christmas, our water heater broke. No hot water. A plumber came on the twas'd morning after Christmas and fixed it, and also replaced our leaking-since-Thanksgiving garbage disposal, after determining that my solution (PUT A BOWL UNDER IT) was probably not going to work for us long-term. So that was fun and spendy and gaaaahhhh. 2) What blogger is this? I got sewing machine! Like for to sew things on, all crafty and domestic and shit. I haven't taken it out of the box yet, because I am kind of intimidated by... Read more →


Last Minute DIY Holiday Decorating Tips

OH HI. Today is the first day of Christmas break. For my kids, anyway. I had to do some work this morning and left them somewhat unsupervised downstairs for an hour or so, figuring that breakfast and the glowing glowy glow of the iPad would keep them out of trouble. Y'all. It's going to be a long two weeks. The living room is covered with a rich, full pelt of Legos, stuffed animals, pillows and a pool floatie. You know, in case you wanna go swimming in those there hoard-piles. (And yes. By all means, let's give these poor children... Read more →


Those Moments Where You're Like, Yes, This. This Is Why.

I was still working upstairs when Jason brought Ezra home from school. "He's asking for you," Jason informed me with a smile. "He made you something." I went downstairs to find Ezra nervously pacing the foyer. He was clutching a piece of brown construction paper and some beads strung on plastic lacing cord. He beamed when he saw me. "I made you necklaces, Mommy! Now you will look so beautiful." He handed me two necklaces. "This is your snow necklace," he explained, pointing at the one featuring shiny, metallic beads. "And this is your beach necklace," pointing to the other.... Read more →


In Which I'm Going To Make You All Totes Jelus Of My Toddler

Blergh. Blergh, I say! So surprise, surprise, after three cooped-up days of wiping up toddler snot and getting my face coughed on, I came down with Ike's cold. And dear holy gods of Sudafed, what a cold it was. Is. I'm still not fully over it. *stares at wall in foggy-headed stupor for 20 minutes* *loses train of thought* *CANDY CRUSSSSSH!!!1!!11one!* So that's been the last few days, more or less. My in-laws visited over the weekend to celebrate Christmas with the boys and spoil them completely no-good down-and-dirty rotten. My plan for Ike's Christmas gifts were to dig out... Read more →


Ike Fever

What better way to follow up a couple of snow days than with a couple of sick days? Yay! And hooray! I can't stop compulsively rhyming, hey! Ike's been home with some crappy viral fever thing for two days now, and to say that I am having a "hard time" getting anything accomplished would be very much of an understatement. I don't actually believe I've "accomplished" anything at all, unless you count the 27 half-finished email drafts I've piled up and the 10 minutes I just spent staring at the word "accomplished" while trying to remember if it was a... Read more →


I'd Say I'm Going Stir Crazy But Y'all Know This Is Just My Natural State

Well, so much for that theory. It's snowing again. But today my boys have no real interest in playing outside so it's still entirely possible that I wasted a bunch of money on snow pants and boots yet again. And that's what really counts, you know? Ah, traditions. Speaking of 1) traditions, and 2) seasonal wastes of money, we took the pack for their annual visit to the local Mall Santa. They submitted their requests (Ninja Turtles and MORE LEGOS GOOD MERCIFUL CHRIST) and quizzed the poor man mercilessly about why our Elf on the Shelf has to go home... Read more →


SNOW DAY!

The DC metro area was pounded over the weekend with like...I dunno. A couple inches of snow and a coating of slushy stuff. So naturally it was time to 1) panic, 2) BUY ALL THE BREAD, 3) CANCEL ALL THE SCHOOLS, and 4) realize how poorly outfitted my children are for winter weather. I have a huge plastic bin full of snow pants, snow boots and other snow-related accessories. Most of the stuff inside still has the tags attached, since I apparently have the ability to control the weather. If I buy my kids boots and snow pants ahead of... Read more →


Things I Have Been Doing

1) Not getting any better at coming up with interesting blog post titles. OBVIOUSLY. Ten years, I've been at this. I'm thinking that post titles are just never going to be a skill and I should make peace with that. From here on out expect me to just start titling every post "Things" and "Stuff" and "ASDFGHJKL." 2) Putting various things back together with Scotch Tape and gum. About five minutes after our last Thanksgiving guest left, everything in my house fell apart. Seriously. Towel hooks suddenly fell off of the wall. The garbage disposal started leaking. A cabinet door... Read more →