Noah's been sick since Saturday. Another round of strep, milder this time, but still. STILL.
When trying to decide what topic to write about yesterday, and ranking the thrilling options on a scale of "That'll Do, Pig" to "gurl no1 currr," I typed "sick" into my blog's search field, just to see.
Over 700 results, 10 solid pages of posts, 10 posts to a page, and every single one another repetive riff on someone in the household being sick. Colds, fevers, stomach bugs, viruses, flus and infections of all colors and stripes. Quite a few (DOZENS) of them are basically me writing about how I can't write anything REAL that day, because SICK. (And then I immediately follow up that excuse with 1,500 words about being sick. I am a very predictable monkey.)
Further scientific exploration reveals 183 results for 'vomit.' 154 for 'puke.' 102 for 'barf.' 67 for 'hurl' and a suprisingly piddly 19 for 'yak.'
You know, just in case one day I want to look back and read my life story, I've got a comprehensive record of every single time someone threw up. So that's covered, at least.
Here, kids. I compiled and printed out some stories from your childhoods. Sorry about all the snot talk and diarrhea. I think some other stuff happened, but I forgot to write it down.
Speaking from experience — and thoroughly documented experience, at that! — I can say that Noah being sick is definitely the easiest of the sicks. He's independent, not whiny and fairly sensible. He'll accept bad-tasting medicine with grace and dignity, rather than with full-body thrashing and clenched teeth. "I need the Hospital Cup, Mom," he said yesterday. "I need to stay hydrated." Unlike Ike, he'll lie down and take a nap, instead of barrelling around the house in a fevered frenzy of destruction. Unlike Ezra, he'll decline solid foods in the wake of a stomach illness, instead of constantly sneaking snacks that he will promptly barf (result #103!! Whoooo!!!) up. I mean, Noah can blow his own nose now. What a milestone, what a world.
There is actually no excuse for me not writing and working at my full potential today, because the poor child has not demanded a thing from me, save for a sufficiently charged iPad and the warm, darkened inside of an Ikea futon slipcover.
(Number of results for 'Ikea' on my blog: 287)