The Motherhood of the Traveling Shorts
Note That I Still Technically Did Not Get Out of Bed Today, But Not Because I'm Sick. Just Lazy.

You Failed Me, Blog. You Failed Me Hard.

The bin of 3T shorts remains missing. At large. Presumably armed, dangerous and in desperate need of some Febreze. Look out! It's behind you! God, it's always in the last place you look, and then it murders you. Ain't that just the way.

I really did hope and believe that by taking the disappearance to the Internet, I would immediately figure out where I put it, leading to an embarrassed, anti-climatic update post the next day. Like, whoops, I found the shorts in Ike's sock drawer, or on a shelf I'd checked six times already, or under my own butt because I've been sitting on it THIS WHOLE TIME. Whomp-whomp.

Some of your suggestions actually did prompt me to look in a few new places, so thank you for trying to help — I realized there was a bag of clothing destined for a local drop-off box in Jason's car trunk, one that I packed up a couple months ago, but of course Jason promptly forgot about it.* I was all set to declare the mystery solved and send the person who made the suggestion a gift card, only to dump out the entire contents in our dining room and confirming that nope. Nope nope. A bunch of Ike's outgrown shirts and a couple of my dresses that I've officially given up on ever getting my expanded ass and boobs back into. And hey! Now I'm reminded about them! Yaaaay. 

*Much like Jason promptly forgot about Ike's presence in his car yesterday, when he reversed the school drop-off order and then drove to work on autopilot, making it all the way to the Chain Bridge in D.C. before realizing he'd never dropped Ike off. Ike was just quietly chilling with a juice box, enjoying a little road trip with Dad. Dad was like, "Oh. Hi. Right. That."

So I dunno. I'm leaning ever more towards the possibility that I accidentally purged two sizes' worth of shorts last fall, when I switched Ike's closet over to pants. That alone was already a prematurely dumb move, because I'm sure Ike could still fit in the 2T shorts. But there's something about knowing he's the last baby that makes me insane for closure and finality and GET THIS ALL THIS CRAP OUTTA MAH HOUSE.

Oh, and since several people asked about it, we definitely had 3T shorts. I am definitely not searching high and low for a figment of my imagination, though I certainly wouldn't put that past me. But no, Noah (my giant baby) didn't skip any of the toddler sizes (like he skipped the Newborn, 9 months and 18 month sizes, then wore 24 months for two minutes before moving into 2T). Ezra (my skinny little peanut) wore 3T for what felt like FOREVER. At least two full years, with hand-me-downs from Noah and several other friends/relatives, resulting in more clothes than any one kid could possibly wear and destroy. And since he was only wearing 2T when Ike was born, there's no chance that the next size up would have been given away on purpose. 

(HOLY CRAP. I JUST GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THIS. WHY CAN'T I STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS. STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS. NO 1 CURR.)

Anyway, here's Ike wearing one of his fabulous new pairs of shorts, which were purchased with much hate in my heart but I can't deny are pretty snazzy and work well with the rest of his non-missing wardrobe.

Ike 51514

(Dressed in head-to-literal-toe blue, and yet still mistaken for a girl yesterday. C'MON!)

(If you think I'm touching that hair before Jamaica and all the opportunities for Wild Feral Toddler in a Humid Island Paradise-type photos, you are wrong. You are wrong and should feel badly about your wrongness.)

Comments

Acey

a) I love ALL your posts.
b) I had to look up NO 1 CURR on urbandictionary, heh.
c) my little one (13 mos) is starting to grow Ike-like hair. my husband keeps mentioning haircuts and clippers. all the women in our family have threatened to use those clippers in a different way if the child shows up shorn...
i love seeing Ike's hair and hoping that we are gonna end up with those BEAUTIFUL locks.

Acey

a) I love ALL your posts.
b) I had to look up NO 1 CURR on urbandictionary, heh.
c) my little one (13 mos) is starting to grow Ike-like hair. my husband keeps mentioning haircuts and clippers. all the women in our family have threatened to use those clippers in a different way if the child shows up shorn...
i love seeing Ike's hair and hoping that we are gonna end up with those BEAUTIFUL locks.

Sarah

I am choosing to believe that those folks who called Ike a girl were doing so out of their enlightened belief that color does not determine gender identity. Either that or they were so strapped for cash that they couldn't afford a clue because look at that face! That is a boy face! A boy face that is well complimented with some snazzy plaid shorts. Will Sir also be requiring a juice box for tee time? Or were the beverages on the Daddy Road Trip sufficiently thirst quenching?

SarahB

Those are cute shorts, and Ike's hair is a wonder of curl.

You're not the only one giving up on clothes of one's own. I've got to go buy some new pants...mine shrunk, I swear.

DontBlameTheKids

Shorts=adorable.
But still coming down off the panic attack from reading about Ike in the car. That's my worst fear, right there. Except with a more tragic ending. Gene Weingarten wrote an article about it and now I leave my purse in the back seat.

Katie

I have a 2 year old girl with similarly awesome Ikeish curls. Her favorite color is blue and she wears a lot of boyish (or flat out purchased from the boy section) clothes. She is constantly mistaken for a boy.

Also, my husband has the same hair and doesn't like getting haircuts. So, he often has shoulder length curls. Nobody mistakes him for a girl (I'm sure the facial stubble helps). So it won't last forever, although hopefully the yummy curls will.

Shelbey

You always make me laugh :) And isn't that the worst, when you know you are talking about a boring subject no one but you cares about, yet you care about it so much that you just can't help yourself. At least you made it funny!

Shelbey

You always make me laugh :) And isn't that the worst, when you know you are talking about a boring subject no one but you cares about, yet you care about it so much that you just can't help yourself. At least you made it funny!

Laura

I can't wait to see what Ike's hair does in Jamaica. I think you should start a pool - does it go full afro? do you go cornrows with shells ala Monica in that one Friends episode? Or does it go (ladies clutch your pearls) FLAT? Collective shudder as everyone feels me even THINK that....and then I WROTE it. Horror.

JD

Ok, so 3T and 4T shorts are missing? Did you check with the other kids' shorts? They get mixed in together, mebbeh?

Sorry, someone else probably already suggested it and you probs already thought of it, but I hate losing things. Like, if I could have ONE SUPER POWER, it would be the ability to find lost things. Keys? Why they're under that pile of magazines over there. cell phone? You stuck it in the fridge because you hung up at the same time you were putting the milk back and Little #2 was trying to eat ovaltene straight from the jar. Etc.

Anyway. Your post about missing shorts has vicariously triggered my Must Find Lost THING impulse and my eyebrow is beginning to twitch.

Issa

NEVER TOUCH THE HAIR!!!! Ha. Ike has the best hair ever! I can't wait to see the photos of that hair in Jamaica.

I seriously was about to ask you if you wanted all of my sons 3T shorts...and then I realized I have them to a cousin last year.

Suzy

Ha ha, wouldn't it be hilarious to get Ike's hair braided in Jamaica?? ^_~

Amy in StL

I may be wrong, but I don't feel bad about all my wrongness. I'm not a fan of boys with long(ish) hair. Its me, but I see how someone would think he's a girl. It's society maaaaan.

Courtney

I cannot WAIT to take my daughter up to Maine in July just to see the humidity make curls sprout up all over her until-recently-bald little head. (Big head, actually--95th percentile.)

I will never cut it! Never! Solidarity!

Jennifer-Mommy Life After PhD

Ah, yes, the land of missing items must have swallowed that bin up whole. Cause you know if mommy cain't find it, ain't nobody gonna find it!!!:)

Sorry for your loss...:)

YP

Have you looked carefully through the bins? Perhaps there weren't that many 3Ts and you combined them with 2T or 4T?

Meeshie

You totally must get Ike's hair braided right before you leave Jamaica. He must be sportin da braids, man!

Holly

My daughter, without much hair at 2ish, wearing almost head to toe PINK - including a skirt.
"Oh! How old is he?"
"Uh, *she's* almost 2".
"He's having so much fun riding his bike, isn't he?"
SIGH. I think people are just weird.

RzDrms

I think Ez is still wearing the 3Ts. Or the bin is an end table in some room with a nice lamp skirt draped over it all "hi! I'm a nice organized house, please buy me!" style. OH! Unless it was loaned out to that one friend who needed 3T shorts right during the year you didn't need them. They're probably at the next-door neighbors or something.

RzDrms

(ps, sorry if I made you see and think about the dresses that no longer fit; that's the exact *opposite* of receiving a gift card! my bad.)

Jennifer

I understand wanting to get the piles of baby crap out of the house. I am 8 months pregnant with, what I have been told, is a girl, so I have just given away more than half of my newborn to 12 mo. boy clothes. I can't help myself! (murphy's law will deliver me a boy now I'm sure)

Cait

LMAO! I can't wait to see Jamaica pictures, not just for Ike's hair though I admit it's a huge draw. I'll likely be in labor or newborn madness while you lay in the sun so it will b nice to live vicariously. Especially since the chances of my boy having curls range in the slim to none variety. Though I may have a redhead...which would be AWESOME

On a side note, how long are you going to lord the "you forgot our son in the car" card over Jason?? I vote 6 months

Cran

I guess I'm in the minority here. The curls make me a little itchy. And he will probably hate you when he's older and sees these pics and the other boys are shorn. Just to be clear, all your little guys are adorable, no matter what.

Susan

I painted my 3 & 5 yo boys' toenails blue a few weeks ago (you know, a MASCULINE nail polish color) and they were so excited to show all their preschool friends and teachers. Well, right off the bat, one little boy said, "Boys can't wear nail polish, that's for GIRLS!" This was a child that, until about a week prior, had looong curly hair - so I don't think we're going to take gender cues from him, hmmmm?

Ike's curls are adorbs and I can't wait to see what the humidity does to them (though if your kids get as much sand and sea water ground into their scalps as mine do, you might want to pack some clippers...)

Meghan

I write children's apparel copy for a website and decided to call it a day today when I couldn't decide if people still said snazzy. And now you just said it. You have no idea how validated I feel.

Amy

Even if you do find them half of them will have elastic that is no longer "elastic". My son has found 3 pair in his giant pile of hand me downs that have suddenly become 2 sizes bigger than the tag without my noticing. He was jumping a gym the other day and having to grab his pants before they fell off. His kindergarten teacher said he's not allowed to wear them anymore. Gah mommy fail.

Jill

re: mistaken for a girl, I have two boys and then twin girls and even sitting side by side in their stroller both in dresses of various girly colors people STILL say "Oh a boy and a girl!" No. Nope.

Beth

Is it weird that all of my 3 and 4 shorts have gone missing, too? I find that an odd coincidence. I smell a conspiracy. The carefully organized bins of 5 and 6 are right where they should be, but no sign of the 3s or 4s. I, also, am assuming I accidentally donated.

Beth

Is it weird that all of my 3 and 4 shorts have gone missing, too? I find that an odd coincidence. I smell a conspiracy. The carefully organized bins of 5 and 6 are right where they should be, but no sign of the 3s or 4s. I, also, am assuming I accidentally donated.

Jill

Maybe the bins are communing with my sports kits. For some bizarro reason, I have the trainers (sneakers to you Yanks) but no sports bras, trackie bottoms (jogging pants?), or vests (not waistcoats, sleeveless tops). This has deteriorated into a language-based comment. Bah.

In-bloody-furiating.

pippip

[miss cleo voice] You'll find dem when you pack for Jamaica, chile. You been using da suitcase for dem 3T shorts.[/miss cleo voice]

New mystery: where is miss cleo now?

skroll63

ok, the shorts are gone, now take yourself to the thrift store, resale store and/or goodwill and buy some old shorts, just not your old shorts! LOL!

Jackie B

Two pairs of shorts is totally enough for the summer if you let him wear swimsuits and underwear at home...lol

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