Ike's Third Year
T-Minus a Bunch of Hours or Something

School Year Scorecard, Three Kids Version

In honor of today, Ezra and Ike's first official day of summer vacation, and Noah's second-to-last day of second grade (an occasion we already marked by accidentally oversleeping until 15 minutes before it was time to catch the bus), let's review how we did this year, logistically speaking:

(All results are estimates, except for the ones that are not.)


Number of times we missed the bus: One

Number of times we almost-but-not-quite missed the bus: Way more than that


Boxes of cereal consumed by children: Epic

Gallons of milk consumed by children: Mind-boggling

Bananas consumed by children: There's probably an entire species of monkeys that went extinct from starvation thanks to us.

Average number of pancakes consumed every morning: Eight, because I am mean and won't let them eat any more pancakes than that.


Number of fights over who gets the dark blue plate: 180

Number of breakfast table stomp-offs, Ezra: 90

Number of breakfast table stomp-offs, Ike: 90

Number of children who do not give a crap about the dark blue plate: One

Number of dark blue plates in stock, September: Four

Number of dark blue plates in stock, June: One

Number of dark blue plates in stock, once I'm reasonably sure no one is looking: Zero


Number of children who didn't want milk but wanted juice even though they said they wanted milk but I should have known they actually wanted juice: GUESS WHAT MOMMY DOESN'T CARE

Number of times I forgot to make coffee:


Number of times we forgot to pack lunches the night before: 25

Number of times we frantically packed a lunch after a child already had one foot out the door: Three

Number of times a child grabbed an empty, unpacked lunch box instead of the one we totally did seriously remember to pack, I swear: One

Number of times we packed a lunch on a day when lunch was provided by school, dammit: Four


Number of days Noah requested a lunch of a milk box, PB&J and a granola bar: ALL OF THE DAYS

Number of times I convinced him to deviate with crazy items like, I don't know, lunch meat or canned pasta or Goldfish crackers: Six, maybe seven

Number of dinner leftovers Ezra happily accepted in his lunch, up to and including grilled asparagus and salmon with lentils: All of them, anything other than yet another boring sandwich, Mom

Most successful homemade lunch snack to bake in bulk and freeze:  mini banana chocolate chip muffins (minus nuts, cinnamon chips & sugar topping)


Number of times Noah forgot his backpack: Two

Number of times Ezra was the only one who realized Noah forgot his backpack and rushed it out to him: Both times, awww


Number of times we dropped one child off at preschool and forgot to drop off the other one: Four

Record distance driven with forgotten second child still in backseat: Nine miles


Number of times we were late picking someone up from school: Depends on what your definition of "late" is, your honor, but my client maintains they arrived within a reasonable-ish window of "late."

Number of times I was going to be on time to pick up a child, but my car battery died, so I had to ask a friend to smush Ike into her infant's car seat and bring him home while I waited for AAA: One

Number of new car batteries purchased: One

Number of times we just plain forgot to pick up an entire child from school: One


Number of times I went to crazy lengths to secure last-minute childcare for a work-related reason, calling every sitter I knew and then cashing in favors with neighbors because I didn't want to be That Mom who bails on work meetings because of her keeeeeeeeds: Three

Number of times the meeting totally ended up canceled anyway: Two


Number of children who still want a goodbye hug and kiss from me, even in front of other children: Three

Number of children who still scream, MOM!!!!! at the end of the day and run into my arms: Three

Number of mornings and days we mostly did okay: More than the ones when we didn't




As someone who is sending her kid of to big-boy preschool next fall and said kid will only eat like six foods, I'm happy to see Noah survived on the same lunch nearly every day.

The rat race of multiple drop offs starts in the fall for me - thanks for showing me how to handle it with grace!


OMG THE DARK BLUE PLATE. Every. Damn. Day. From the ubiquitous Ikea set, I take it?


*wild applause*

Sounds like a pretty good year!


*wild applause*

Sounds like a pretty good year!


there is no dark blue plate, it is purple and is teh bomb. gah.


You are funny. You are really really funny and I like reading your blog. I've read for a long time, switched computers and lost all my blog bookmarks, but miraculously remembered you ;-). Anyway, just a friendly, 'hi' and thanks for being funny. The monkeys/banana thing - hahahaha!


You are funny. You are really really funny and I like reading your blog. I've read for a long time, switched computers and lost all my blog bookmarks, but miraculously remembered you ;-). Anyway, just a friendly, 'hi' and thanks for being funny. The monkeys/banana thing - hahahaha!


You are so hilarious!


I will say that packing lunched for a sensory kiddo is at least simple. My SPD son has been eating the same lunch every day for 2 school years now; peas, mini banana muffins (made with quinoa flour so they're a protein), and fruit (95% of the time either grapes or cantaloupe).

Sue W.

You *almost* make me wish we'da had kids. But mine would have been total sh!theads and I'da had to kill them and then I'd be in jail. So I will continue to enjoy yours from afar. Happy Summer! Have fun in Jamaica-mon!


This the best! Gives me hope for the fall when I have one in kindergarten and one in preschool and I need to figure out food, backpacks, etc. for both. As well as start times. I am TERRIBLE at having all 3 of us ready and out the door in a timely fashion. Thank you for this post!


This is my most favorite "report card" ever. You win the blue ribbon and the gold star.


I feel your pain on the packing of lunches ----- most thankless job in the world, one virtually guaranteed to result in a torrent of complaints. Enjoy the summer break!


*sniff* those boys are much to much


I call that a great year. And I love how you slipped in Jason's big boo-boo without naming him, lol.


I'm a teacher, but I'm also a mom to three kids. I can relate to so many of your posts, but this one easily ranks in the top ten for me! I actually made a countdown chart for myself for the number of lunches I had to pack to get to the end of the school year. We survived…barely! Keep the funny coming :-)


So jealous that they aren't embarrassed to kiss you in front of their friends! My oldest son is 8 and has been doing that since last year. I thought he wouldn't do that until middle school! It was a sad, sad, day . . .


Love this! And that last bit made me tear up. It's so good to know that ALL THREE of your kids still hug and kiss you in front of other kids. And run into your arms! My 2 year-old daughter does this every day when I pick her up from daycare - best part of my day! I know it won't last forever but the fact that Noah still does it is giving me hope that is will last longer than I thought! :)



Number of mornings and days we mostly did okay: More than the ones when we didn't

one week left of kindergarten...


I'd give my left nut to be able to send a PB&J with my son - it seems like you practically have to go to a speakeasy to eat some peanut butter where I live. Or request it from the pharmacist with ID. My two (only one is school age though) would eat PB&J all the live long day if they could. For that reason granola bars (another favorite staple of theirs) are off limits, unless I could find some without nuts, so you would end up with, like...a 3 Musketeers? Maybe with raisins?

(I don't have a left nut. And hey, the kids can't have one either! *rimshot* *I just realized that we're talking about nuts both places!*)


Laughing throughout, this is hilarious.
TEARS by the end, because how sweet. All the chaos for that unbridled love.
I just returned to work this week after a year maternity leave (I know I know, I'm in Canada, I'm sorry) and needed this sweetness today. THANK YOU...
And I must say your blog remains the funniest most poignant one out there. Keep up the hilarious great work.


the last three items make up for everything. Happy Summer!


Congrats on making it through another school year. Good luck making it through the summer with 3 kids. :)

As for the loving on Mommy still. Keep them close and cherish. Once Bryant stopped hugging and kissing on me, we substituted high 5's for loves.

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