Since We've Been Back
June 18, 2014
I still have not unpacked the boys' suitcase, even though everything inside it is clean and pressed and they are rapidly running out of underwear and pajamas. I don't even know why I'm procrastinating, other than: Wah. It's over. We're really back.
We celebrated Father's Day by throwing out everything in the fridge that had expired or molded over while we were away, which led us to the strategic decision that we should go out for brunch unless we wanted to starve. Then we took the boys to see How to Train Your Dragon 2, basing THAT strategic decision simply on the fact that 1) it was really hot outside, and 2) it had a high percentage score at Rotten Tomatoes. But while (SPOILER ALERT) it is an incredibly well-done sequel and an excellent fantasy epic on its own and all that, I probably should have researched the plot a little more, or at least Googled "DO THEY KILL A PARENT OFF IN THIS MOVIE Y/N."
Not that my kids seemed bothered by it in the slightest, just like they weren't particularly bothered by (MORE SPOILERS) both parents biting it 15 minutes into Frozen. Another movie, FUNNY STORY, I did zero research about and bought us all tickets based on the fact that 1) it was really cold outside, and 2) Rotten Tomatoes once again seemed to suggest I wouldn't want to stab myself in the face halfway through. (I'm looking at you, Cars 2, you goddamned abomination.)
I was under the vague impression that it was about a snowman, and for at least the first hour Noah kept asking "WHERE'S THE SNOOOOOOOWMAAAAN" every 30 seconds.
"Dude, I don't know," I whispered back. And then, to Jason, as it finally dawned on me by like the third song: "Oh my God, it's a princess movie. We brought them to a fucking princess movie."
Nothing against princess movies (well, okay, a little something against princess movies), but my children just don't particularly enjoy the Disney/Pixar princess movies, like a good little wolf pack of good little gender stereotypes. They all like Mulan. They think The Little Mermaid is okay, and made it mostly through one showing of Beauty and the Beast, but only barely tolerated Tangled, and made us leave the theater during Brave. (Not because it was a princess movie, which I know it really wasn't — Brave just scared the everloving SHIT out of them.)
I was mostly concerned in that moment of princess movie realization that 1) oh God, what if there isn't a snowman at all, Noah is going to be SO MAD AT ME, and 2) I'm either going to fall asleep or they'll freak out make us leave. Either way I just wasted a ton of money on movie tickets.
And then That Scene with That Song started and Jason and I were like, "HEY IT'S MAUREEN FROM RENT!" and then she put on That Dress and was all SUCK IT, BITCHES and my little feeble girl brain just about short-circuited and squeeeeee and I loved it and bought and downloaded the soundtrack before we were even out of the parking lot.
(Them, during the sad instrumental part of "Do You Want To Build a Snowman?", every time: AND NOW THEIR PARENTS ARE DEAD. OH WELL.)
And then I took the boys to see it AGAIN the next weekend, and then AGAIN when a friend of theirs had her birthday party at a sing-along showing at the movie theater and I did indeed sing along like a moron, and I don't really know why I'm telling this story NOW, months later, except maybe to finally come clean and confess to anyone who has been driven mad by Frozen mania or been unable to get That Song out of your head since February that I'M SORRY. I WAS PART OF THE PROBLEM.
Anyway, back to Father's Day. The boys really enjoyed the movie, even though it was probably a little intense for the average 3 and 5 year old. I guess mine have just been thoroughly desensitised from my history of dragging them to any old animated movie I know nothing about because I don't know what else to do with them that day. Just sit back and enjoy the emotional scarring, kiddos. Have some popcorn.
Ezra felt, however, that our lack of real planning or special dad-related activities was insufficient. He came home and shoved a bunch of mini toy basketballs and footballs into a gift bag and presented it to Jason with a card he made out of a Target receipt. Then he announced that he was going to decorate the house for Fathers Day and needed some tape.
I didn't ask. I just gave him the tape. I really do prefer to go through life with as little information as possible.
His decorations: Two American flags, two "PARTICIPANT" ribbons from Noah's field Day, and a small piece of paper taped over the door that he claims says "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY" but actually says "PRiPKT DAD EZRAe."
They may still be out there. We have a couple weeks before it's considered tacky to still have your Father's Day decorations up, right?