The Week's Stunning Accomplishments
June 27, 2014
1) Get ready to be wildly impressed, because it's been quite a week.
2) I gave my children over to the cult of Minecraft in exchange for not being bothered for the next 48 solid hours.
Noah played Minecraft for the first time at a friend's house last weekend, and went predictably nuts over it. At least, I assume that's a predictable reaction? Minecraft seems to be one of those things that every kid his age is going nuts over, and another one of those things that pushes me deeper and deeper into Uncool Mom Territory, because Noah goes on and on about it while I nod blankly and glaze over, and my brain is all I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THIS. DISENGAGE.
So at first I figured, okay, I'll get him the game. It is...a game, right? Like an app? I actually was not entirely sure. I really missed out on even the most basic of information about what we were talking about, and I am now officially basing my parenting/media choices on whether or not 1) other kids' parents seem cool with it, and 2) Target sells kid-sized t-shirts of it. That's the bar now: IT CANNOT BE WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE IF IT'S BEING LICENSED FOR KID-SIZED T-SHIRTS.
But then I looked it up in the app store and it was like, $6.99 and I was like, I am too damn cheap for that. I am all about the crappy free apps that then stymie my children at every turn because I've disabled in-app purchases.
Noah and Ezra were really determined, however. They spent a considerable amount of time shaking coins out of their piggy banks and between the two of them, were able to come up with $7 in quarters and dimes.
I took that $7 (I owe them a penny, I guess) and bought them Minecraft. We have barely spoken to each other since as they have been beyond singularly obsessed with it, like Noah wakes up even earlier now to play it and I have to remind him to eat meals and I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS. Something with blocks and Noah keeps accidentally setting houses on fire.
But hey, they did some math one time. Achievement unlocked. A champion is me.
3) We left the house! We left the motherflipping house! Hell yeah!
We met a friend at a splash playground.
It takes about a half hour to drive there.
Plus the time to get everyone in their suits and sunscreen.
And packing up snacks, drinks, towels and changes of clothes always seems to take longer than it should.
The kids played hard and had fun...
...for like an hour. And then they all started complaining about being hungry/tired/bored.
So we all got back in the car and went home. But hey! At least I had $7 in Minecraft money to treat myself to an overpriced Coke from the vending machines. I am truly living the dream.
4) I got a lot of work done.
No lie, I did! I landed a new long-term writing/research gig and heard back about two other jobs that look like they're close to being a done deal and also had a very productive conference call that got interrupted by a small child walking into the office to loudly announce I WENT POOP ON THE POTTY! COME WIPE MY BUTT.
Did I mention I was on speakerphone? Of course I was on speakerphone.
(Ezra and Ike are going to camp next week, oh yes yes yessssshhhmyprecious. Noah will stay home with me, surely getting hours of excellent enrichment via whatever the fuck is the point of Minecraft.)
5) Ike spent his first full week completely out of the crib.
Oh, man. I was pretending this was just a summertime sleepover treat, but it's a done deal now. No crib, no diapers, no training pants, no containment, no going back.
He and Ezra are sharing opposite ends of the bottom bunk (it's a double, so there's still room for 500 pounds of essential stuffed animal) and Noah is still on the top, and no one seems to have any enthusiasm about changing this arrangement and turning the nursery into a single Big Kid room.
It's sweet that they can fight and wale on each other all day but still want to be together and pile up like puppies at night. So three kids in one room it is, for now. Zero babies in the other.
(Really smells like feet in there, tho.)