Bathroom of the Flies
There Is a Tire at the End of This Post

Road Rash

Question: Have you ever gotten to a point where you are so thoroughly stressed out that you wake up every morning covered in a rash? And then you become convinced that the rash is from bedbugs, but bedbugs that exist ONLY on your side of the bed and ONLY bite you, and then you get even more stressed out and stop sleeping because GAAAAHHHH bedbugs and also persistent, recurring anxiety dreams. And then during the day you're basically a sleep-deprived anxiety zombie whose hands shake uncontrollably every time you think about all the things that are making you feel so overwhelmed, to the point that you can barely even type or hold a pen or apply topical ointment to your super-attractive stress rash?

Yeah, me neither. 

(But I can confirm that no, we most definitely do not have bedbugs. So that's a plus.)

Anyway. Changes afoot, big decisions to ponder. Necessary and positive changes, obviously, to address everything going on in that first big run-sentence-laden paragraph up there. I'm still trying to decide what and and when to get into specifics, though, and I'm sorry about that. (No, not pregnant. No, not divorcing. No, not signing up for fucking Pinterest STOP ASKING ME THAT.) 

So in the meantime...



Long-time readers may remember TIREWATCH 2006, during which I documented the irritating presence of a spare tire that sat in the foyer of our little city condo for goddamn weeks and months on end, because of Jason and Reasons. 

Deck Tire is the new Foyer Tire. it's been sitting there for about a month now. Jason says he plans to sell it on Craigslist. That is a fine plan! Please to proceed with that plan any time now, Jason.  



This has been TIREWATCH 2015: THE TIREWATCHENING, brought to you by your friendly neighborhood assholes who keep a spare tire on their back deck. 




I saw the tire and immediately thought of tire watch! Long time reader :) Good luck with your decision!


Oh geez, I thought it was the same tire at first! History repeats itself

Sarah B

To answer your stress question, yes. Yes I have. I'm sorry you're going through that. You're not alone! Hope things look brighter soon.


The suspense! It burns! (like your rash)


OMG YES. Right's all over my neck.....we should talk.


YES! I get stress induced eczema. It's the worst!


Yes, actually - while I was job hunting from several hundred miles away, dealing with an awful job situation, and trying to make sure we had somewhere to live when we moved, I got stress hives. Meditation helped a lot more than anything else. I wouldn't have tried it but my doctor said medications wouldn't do anything considering the sources. I thought it was just-my-side-of-the-bed bedbugs, too! :-P


YES! Yes, I have had that exact type of rash! Except I was totally convinced of the bedbugs thing because we had to stay in a hotel right before moving. We had decided to follow financial opportunities to the Alaskan bush and the week we moved I developed a mystery rash that bothered nobody else and had no evidence at all of being bedbugs. I now know that it was both anxiety and a reaction to anxiety meds that I had just been prescribed.
If you are considering moving to the Alaskan bush for financial opportunities my advice would be to exhaust all other options first. Probably not what you are considering, though.


Oh gosh. You seem way too nice to have to endure that level of stress. I guess not that the universe doles out stress according to niceness, but I do hope decisions are made and life continues and all is well.


Cetaphil cleanser (I prefer the bar to the liquid) helps with my stress rash.


I used to have a tire in my back bedroom/storage room. That was also annoying.


Ive been reading for, oh God, since I found your blog on baby center well before Noah. And the first thing I thought of when I saw the tire was that damn one in your foyer. Its good to see some things never change, haha.
I also check which way your toilet paper is hanging in every bathroom picture. Gosh I feel like a stalker right now....


Oh man, I saw that tire and thought "Huh. The foyer tire has been living on the deck all these years. WHO KNEW?" And then you had to go and point out that Foyer Tire was back in 2006 and that was a really long time ago when I was young and I'm not young anymore? This is horrible, horrible news! Thanks a lot, stupid tire.


Fuck that noise! After all this time? Take that tire away for good, and IF he even notices it's gone, tell him somebody stole it.

Jen R

Throw the tire into the yard, fill with dirt, and plant flowers in it. (I was going to suggest veggies, but I decided that would be kind of yucky)


Give him a deadline. If the tire's not sold by April 30, then it's on like Donkey Kong.


Yes and no. Mine came in the form of a f'ed up back. Sigh. Gotta make some major changes soon too. The stress anxiety of life blows. Hope yours gets better soon.


I love it when Ceiba talks.


please dont give up your blog as the thing you are thinking of. I have enjoyed it for so many years. You are always my sunshine on the days you blog.


It's probably weird that my first thought was "Yes! The tire!" but that's only because Tirewatch 2006 was so funny. For me. Because I didn't have to live it. :)


Please keep on blogging I have been reading for nay years. Ehen I am nervous or depressed reading your blog always bring me in a much better mood. Love it....


Hydroxyzine. It's an antihistamine that works to reduce anxiety. Not addictive and works within in half an hour. MIRACLE.


You should get on Pinterest. Really.


I do indeed remember TIREWATCH. Wow, I've been reading your blog a long time!

Good luck with all of your life change-y decision-y things. That is very very stressful and I hope everything works out well!


I just want to recommend the web based program GTDnext for reducing stress by putting ALL THE THINGS down in one place and then they stop taking up so much space in you brain! I was hugely skeptical it would work but it did, like some sort of productivity miracle and now I am less stabby.


Hope the life changing things settle in! I feel like I have been in that ZOMG SO MUCH US HAPPENING for about 5 years now and it shows little sign of settling down. Hopefully your turmoil doesn't last as long. Good luck!


Hope the life changing things settle in! I feel like I have been in that ZOMG SO MUCH US HAPPENING for about 5 years now and it shows little sign of settling down. Hopefully your turmoil doesn't last as long. Good luck!

Sue W.

I useta break out in a rash on my neck of all places! Stress! So damn weird.

The tyre. Throw a rope around a tree limb and attach it to the tyre. Instant tyre swing. Kids will love it. Trust me!


i'm the person in the first paragraph (insert night sweats in place of rash)! You make me LOL alla time!


Okay, but who buys just one tire? And why does Jason have only one to sell?

And, yes to the hives and thinking bed bugs. Went through that a st last summer. I'm not exactly sure what happened to make them go away. I guess I just accepted the situation.

Leslie in MA

While I didn't get the rash (thank goddess) I did actually weep on my way in to work, and in the ladies' room a couple of times a day, and then on the way home knowing I would have to endure it again. You have my sympathy and hopes that you can make the break with the stressor soon.

A tire?? For 9 years? I just started to read you so don't know the back-story, but my god. Tell him you'll tie him into it and push him into the waste treatment plant if it's not gone by April 15th. If you don't feel that energetic just change the damn locks.


Good grief! I thought "pregnant!" then "divorce?!" in that order! I can't even tell you how sad I am that it's not the first and GLAD it's not the second. I'm invested in you! I can't quit you!


Good grief! I thought "pregnant!" then "divorce?!" in that order! I can't even tell you how sad I am that it's not the first and GLAD it's not the second. I'm invested in you! I can't quit you!


For the record, this is NOT the same tire as the 2006 TIREWATCH. Foyer Tire was eventually called into service as a spare. Deck Tire is because Jason needed new rear tires but noticed Deck Tire is actually in good shape and could be useful as a spare for someone else, thus the Craigslist plan.



I get psoriasis spots when super stressed. On my lip and around my eyes. Sexy! Just take the tire to recycling yourself. It won't make any money, but you will thwart Jason in his money making from old tire scheme! And you will no longer have an old tire on your deck.

I'm kind of weird at revenge.

Suzy Q

I totally remember Tirewatch 2006!

And I also get the Stress Rash. It SUCKS.


I had the faux bedbug rash months last year? I would go to the doctor and they'd give me steroid cream which worked, but it always came back. I thought it was stress too (it wasn't). Eventually I went to an allergist and found out that I have an adult-onset egg allergy and since eggs are in practically everything, that's why the goddam rash never went away. I miss breakfast tacos.


Amy, please stay here and keep telling us how you figure out how to manage your life, because it inspires the rest of us. Truly. I can't tell you how much my husband and I enjoyed the weight loss post (project for us after baby #2 gets here!).

I too remember tire watch! :)

I have never had a stress rash, but I have psoriasis lurking that could always flare. I'm kind of surprised how many other commenters have had stress rashes themselves!


You are way nicer to your husband than I am. That tire would be in the trash now. =D


What is the source of all these random single tires? Also, never plant flowers in old tires unless you are truly a hobo.

Michelle B

I've been there, and had to make major decisions to get out of it. It was rocky, but now in retrospect I'm glad we as a family did what we did so that we can be where we are now. Mainly, rash-free. Best of luck as you journey down the same road.


Ha! Another long time reader here, apparently. Saw that photo and said out loud "oh god, not the tire!"


Talking Ceiba on Pinterest!


All I will say is, the fact that the tire is on your back deck and not your front porch (or lawn, or sidewalk, or leaning against the side of your house) means you live in a much fancier neighborhood than I do.

Of course, if the tire were left out on the sidewalk in my neighborhood (perhaps with a "Free" sign propped on it) it would be gone within minutes. Just a thought...

Perhaps the real source of the stress rash is the tire?


Oh, and if you were to join Pinterest, there's a shit ton of pins about tire planters...


We have had a big picture frame (for like a 16x20 picture) leaning against the wall in our upstairs hallway for YEARS. Every time my husband gives me a hard time about it, I think about your tire. I figure I still have at least a few months before "picture frame watch" takes over "tire watch" (in terms of time spent loitering in places it doesn't belong), so I still haven't done anything with it.


Yes to the rash, and it was SHINGLES. It took me days to figure out what it was because I am only thirty-mumblemumble, so I was not expecting it to be that. Hope it's not what you're dealing with - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.


If only we lived closer. My Jason would contact your Jason and buy said tire and I would wonder where in the hell we were putting another 1/2 bald tire, and for the love of God would you please just buy a new tire for the car already so we don't have to dick around with tires again in a few months.


So weird! After the birth of my second son this fall I became CONVINCED we had bed bugs that only bit my toddler (bc of a non-itchy rash that would come and go on his face). But like, I can't explain how obsessed and stressed out the bedbugs thing made me. I couldn't sleep and spent baby nursing time googling things about bites. To the point where I finally called a bug guy (during an unpaid pregnancy leave) to have him be like "nope you definitely don't have bed bugs. Thanks for the $200!".

In retrorepect, it was just post-pregnancy hormones showing up as anxiety (and probably a new-sibling related stress rash on my toddler who is probably inheriting my anxiety 😞) and now seems absolutely insane that I was that obsessed and anxious about it. Glad to hear someone had something somewhat similar though and I'm not totally batshiit crazy.

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