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May 2015
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July 2015

A Completely Non-Essential Essential Tremor Update

I had an anxiety dream a couple weeks back — the first one I've had in awhile, so...progress? — that centered around an inability to write my name legibly on a name tag. (Think about that, for a moment. Of all the things one can worry about in the world today — a world full of danger and disaster and disease — my brain settles on NAME TAGS.) Of course, it was an easy dream to interpret. That blasted tremor. The dream took place at a big party, a mix of strangers and friends watched me struggle over and over again to write A M Y without it turning to gibberish, I was holding up a line of other partygoers who were awaiting their turn, gaaaaahhhhhh holy stressballs. Less than a week later, I found myself at a party in real life, holding a Sharpie and staring down at a blank name tag. I would say, overall, the tremor is better than it was before I last wrote about. Trying to fight it/stop it/hide it was never working for me (nor was being afraid that it was a symptom of something much more serious), and while it never really goes... Read more →


Like a Band-Aid

We did it. We told the kids that we are maybe probably most likely thinking about moving. It went well! Much better than we were expecting, given that the last we broached the subject with Noah he freaked out and threatened to run away from home AND tie himself to the tree in our front yard AND get adopted by whoever bought our house AND ALSO not move, at all, ever, can't make me, so there. He was a lot less dramatic this time. It helped that he offered us a wide-open opportunity when he mentioned how much fun he had in [POTENTIAL NEW NEIGHBORHOOD] recently and how much he wanted to go back to [POTENTIAL NEW NEIGHBORHOOD] and I was like, "Gee, what do you think about LIVING in [POTENTIAL NEW NEIGHBORHOOD] all the time?" He narrowed his eyes at me, "You guys are talking about moving again, aren't you?" "Yes," I said, honestly, and braced myself. But instead of arguing, he spent a few minutes thinking about it, and then announced that YES, moving to [POTENTIAL NEW NEIGHBORHOOD] was an excellent plan. There were a few understandable tears when he realized moving will mean a new school, and... Read more →


The Day of the Beepening

Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. Jason and I were both working from home when the beeping started. It wasn't loud, but it wouldn't stop. Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. Jason didn't hear it at first, but of course after I asked what is SAM HILL is that BEEPING it was all he could hear. Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. It definitely wasn't anything in our house, and after opening the window it got noticeably louder. I went outside, but the beeping took on a weird echo-like effect in our quiet neighborhood and seemed to be coming from everywhere. It wasn't a car alarm, but after spotting a construction crew repairing the sidewalk up the street, I figured it must have something to do with them. Really annoying, but would probably stop soon. Plus, I needed to leave for my piercing appointment, so I didn't have to listen to it anymore ANYWAY. Have fun, Jason! Jason did not have fun. Jason was going BONKERS. The beeping would not stop. There was no escaping it. You couldn't help but fixate on it. You could hear it everywhere in our house. And in between the beeps your brain would stupidly think, "oh, maybe it'll stop this... Read more →


37 is the New Poor Life Choices

The late-30s life crisis continues. I am officially ridiculous. Sorry, Mom. :( A friend asked for company/moral support during her piercing appointment, and that quickly spiraled into me finally getting the navel piercing I've wanted ever since I was 16. Which was over 20 years ago. Okay, self. Now let's get off the teenage wish fulfillment train before it takes us a NKOTB reunion concert. I should note that this is the EXACT scenario that led to me getting a terribly regrettable tattoo when I was 19 years old. I went with a friend for support and was like, MEEEE TOOOO but I only had $50 and awful ideas so I got JASON tattooed on my back hip. It now looks more like JBLSHN because the work was so shitty and I picked a stupid font to begin with. I want to get some cover-up work done on it but haven't yet because every time I go to a tattoo parlor I'm like YAY STAB ME SOMEWHERE INSTEAD. And then every time I get something pierced I remember HOW MUCH I HATE GETTING THINGS PIERCED. I don't mind the actual procedure (and this one was especially easy because after a... Read more →


Inside, Out

I almost made it through Father's Day without thinking about my dad. Okay, that sounds horrible, and isn't really true. There's no way NOT to think about him, what with the sheer volume of irritating PR email pitches that pile up all month. "Don't forget about Dad!" they say in the subject lines, "Please please blog about some crap we think is perfect for your dad! Who is dead!" is how I sarcastically translate them, right before I dump them into the trash can, unread. It's a new yearly tradition, although the righteous anger I used to feel over some poorly targeted email blasts has faded over the years. (No, I am NOT getting an early start on my Father's Day gift guide. Because I am at my father's FUNERAL, motherfucker. UNSUBSCRIBE.) I almost made it through without thinking about my dad in any painful, punch-in-the-gut sort-of way. That's more what I meant. I focused entirely on Jason (who also had his birthday yesterday), so I had lots of extra planning and shopping to focus on, with a goal to give him an entire weekend of fun and presents and relaxation. We got together with friends, went to picnics and... Read more →


Let's Distract Ourselves With All the Dumb Stuff I Did This Week

It's been one of those days/weeks when personal blogging feels especially self-absorbed. I have news coverage from South Carolina open in all my other browser tabs and then I come HERE and like...what do I even write about? The biggest problem I encountered all week is that we're down to only one working iPhone charger so Jason and I are constantly fighting for custody of it, and I ordered a few more but they haven't arrived yet because the next-day shipping from Amazon Prime is taking soooooo looooonnnnnng yoouuuuuuu guuuuuuuyyyyyysssssss. Yeah. Okay, self. I guess I'll just post some pictures and try to think about things that are not terrible. This week's "Are We Really Moving Or Is Jason Just Pulling An Elaborate Prank On Amy To Get Her To Clean Shit Up" project was organizing the shelves in the basement. This, believe or not, is the "AFTER" and is the result of many hours of sorting and purging and (of course) at least one overly dramatic-looking injury: Note that basement photo does include the shelves in the corners. Those are still a damn mess. But look! There's an EMPTY shelf! There's no shit piled up on the floor except... Read more →


Summer House Rules

1) No fighting. 2) No fake fighting, where one of you screeeeeeeeeeeams bloody murder because someone else is doing something you actually secretly love/want them to do/were literally just doing to them 15 seconds earlier. 3) Are you bleeding? 3a) No? You're fine. 3b) Yes? You know where the band-aids are. You're fine. 4) No letting neighborhood kids in our house to play before 7 a.m., oh my God. 5) It's 11 a.m. STOP EATING BREAKFAST. 6) It's 12:01 p.m. FINE FINE I WILL MAKE LUNCH STOP ASKING 7) No interrupting Mom while she's working. 8) Especially to talk about Minecraft. 9) Or to ask if I'm done with work yet, are you done yet, how about now, are you done yet. 10) Anyone who whines about being bored gets to unload the dishwasher, yay! 11) Anyone who claims they're "starving" gets a nice big bowl of vegetables, yum! 12) Unless you are Ezra, who actually will make me get up and make him a nice big bowl of vegetables. 13) Ezra gets my sincerest best wishes on not dying of starvation in the next 45 minutes or whatever. 14) Look, you can stay in pajamas all day if you... Read more →


Funny Faces

Last night, after dinner but before Game of Thrones straight-up murdered my soul, I asked the boys to stand together for a photo. I really don't know what I was expecting. Other than a perfectly accurate picture of what life is like around these three. Which is exactly what I got. Ike looks to Ezra... Ezra looks to Noah... Noah does his own thing and does not care if anyone can see him... And Ike needs a haircut. Just another typical night in the Storch household. Noah and Ezra will be home from school in approximately 45 minutes, and then shit will get real. I'm just glad they like each other. For now, anyway. Read more →


The Quiet Before the Summer Storm

And so the first (and last) week of ME & IKE & SUMMER VACATION comes to a close. We did pretty okay. We left the house for two different end-of-school year parties and Ike agreed to change out of his pajamas both times. A couple bumps and bruises but no ER visits or a significant amount of destruction. Today, not so much on the pajama thing. But for the record, Ike did not ask to watch TV or play with a tablet/screen even ONCE this week, so we did not do either, at all. (Perhaps he finds Click the Camera as fucking annoying as I do?) He let me work. He amused himself. He asked for crayons, Play-Doh, books and the occasional help with a puzzle. THIS KID AND PUZZLES, by the way. Who knew? I did not. Because I am a terrible parent who keeps all our "big kid" puzzles in a locked cabinet to prevent the boys just grabbing box after box and dumping them all over the floor. So poor Ike has never played with our puzzles until this week, when he found two (still sealed, never opened) Peanuts puzzles I got in the $1 section of... Read more →


First Grade Bound

Yesterday afternoon was Ezra's end of year party slash kindergarten graduation. I'd possibly be more SUNRISE/SUNSET about it if the highlight hadn't been 20-plus 5- and 6-year-olds performing a parody version of "All About That Bass" called "All About First Grade." Not exactly an event dripping with pomp and circumstance. Ezra only seemed to know about half the words, but he performed with extra sass and hand gesture flair, and added an extra booty shake at the end for good measure. There was also a slideshow about every child's favorite thing about kindergarten. Ezra said it was a field trip to the Imagination Stage, and posed for the following photos as an accompaniment. I don't know, you guys, but I'm starting to suspect this kid is maaaaaaaybe a little bit of a ham. I sense some theater camp in our future. I had Ike with me, who was practically vibrating with excitement beforehand about getting to see Ezra in KINDERGARTEN, in the ACTUAL KINDERGARTEN ROOM, where there would be OTHER KINDERGARTNERS. I've been literally unable to convince this child to change out of his pajamas even once since preschool ended, but yesterday he was dressed and sitting by the front... Read more →