February 15, 2016
So I get that Valentine's Day is a cheesy, unnecessary holiday birthed from crass marketing and consumerism, and it's cool to be all, "whatever, we don't do anything for Valentine's Day because we don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays blah yadda blah."
But I married a romantic with a penchant for big gestures and special occasions. Not doing anything for Valentine's Day goes against his very DNA. So we celebrate Valentine's Day, but to prove that we're not complete lemmings, we don't celebrate it specifically ON Valentine's day. This year we went with February 13th. Yeah, that'll show 'em! Stick it to the man!
(On Valentine's Day Proper we took the boys to see Kung Fu Panda 3, which wasn't technically terrible or anything, but I feel like the storytelling possibilities and overall concept of a kung fu fighting panda have officially run the full course and it is time to move on.)
(Next up: Jujitsu Shrimp! Crossfit Honey Badgers!)
On Saturday, Jason woke me up with the news that he'd booked me a surprise massage appointment, because he is amazing and also loves to ignore our "no gifts this year, right?" agreement every single time. Probably just to make me look bad.
(I got him a card and made a morbid Seinfeld joke on the envelope.)
(I did write something sweet and loving on the inside, which is an improvement over last year, when I mostly just drew dicks and boobs.)
(He did the yellow roses in the empty bourbon bottle though, so I think you see why our marriage works so well.)
(And while I'm stuck in a parentheses loop, absolutely have to give a shoutiest of shout-outs to Will Coleman at Premier Touch Therapeutic Massage in Columbia for the greatest massage of my entire life. In 90 minutes he worked out a decade's worth of neck and shoulder tension, and days later, I still feel fantastic. As an anxious person and chronic shoulder-huncher, I completely forgot what it was like to have shoulder muscles that aren't riddled with knots. Genuinely amazing.)
While I spent the rest of the afternoon flapping my arms and rolling my neck around in rapt wonderment at how GOOD everything felt, Jason entered the kitchen around 3 p.m. and did not leave until the boys were fed an early dinner and bundled off to bed.
Kale and shaved Brussels sprouts salad with almonds, aka the most delicious salad I have ever eaten.
Jason pulled one of the live lobsters out of a bag to show the boys (who were eating leftover pizza from UNO's, like a pack of real gourmands), which...yeah. Little distressing, and Noah in particular seemed to regard us with a level of horror and baffled disgust reserved for serial killers. But we have always tried to be super honest with them about food and where it comes from, including the fact that yes, that pepperoni you're eating didn't grow fully formed from a pepperoni tree. Noah then pledged to become a vegetarian for about a minute and a half, during which I pledged to support that decision and rattled off a few of the menu substitutions he'd need to be okay with (i.e. ACTUAL VEGETABLES) in order to stay healthy.
"Well," he capitulated, "maybe when I'm a grown-up. Grown-ups like that stuff better than kids anyway."
They finished their (meat-topped) pizza and left to go watch a movie, during which the lobster slaughter occurred (Jason followed all the steps/advice he could find to ensure it happened as humanely as possible, but it was still pretty weird), and they've never brought it up again since. Fingers crossed they don't go into the freezer in search of nuggets and find the bag of lobster shells and carcasses I've hidden in there so we can make lobster stock.
Jason's dessert attempt (caramel pot du creme) did not work out, unfortunately, but it really was okay because I was SO STUFFED at that point and just all around glowing with happiness.
I really did marry a good one. He's my lobster!