We've been home almost as long as we were gone in the first place, and yet the post-travel chaos continues. Only one suitcase is unpacked (and the toiletry bag really only moved from Point A to Point B(athroom), so only partial credit there), I'm still doing laundry and we have yet to restock the fridge or pantry.
The kids all came running into our room this morning in a mass panic because there was no cereal. NO CEREAL. What are you even DOING, adults? You have ONE JOB and it is to PROCURE A STAGGERING AMOUNT OF CEREAL FOR OUR FACES.
(Nevermind all the waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, fruit and eggs. No cereal = breakfast is a pile of garbage.)
But oh! Speaking of jobs. I am (fingers crossed) about to start a big brand-new work project with a big brand-new client. I say fingers crossed because I got my resume in front of them well over six months ago for this project and eventually sort of gave up on it actually happening, but now it is. (No, it's not Amalah/Internet/Jackass/Funtime related, it's part of my secret identity/side hustle as a Capable Adult Human who gets shit done and knows how to write good, and for whom remembering to buy cereal is not a relevant metric of job performance.) I am excited because 1) money and 2) it'll involve some new skills/certifications that appeal to me deeply on a business nerd level.
I also say fingers crossed because this particular company has a realllllllllly serious onboarding process for contractors, part of which involved me peeing in a cup for a drug test yesterday. Which...is not at all a cause of personal concern for me, except that I, a total neurotic spazcase, decided to skip my allergy medicine in the morning on the off chance it could create a false positive. So naturally, I sneezed mid-test.
Now, being a three-time former pregnant lady/pee-cup champion, I walked in there pretty damn confident in my ability to pee in a stupid cup. But the sneeze created a chain reaction arm-jerk and specimen cup spill, and I came up short of the marked line I'd been instructed to meet by the large, no-nonsense man waiting outside who also warned me 10 times not to flush the toilet, so in between panicking over my insufficient sample I was also terrified that I would accidentally flush the toilet out of simple habit and thus fail my drug test for not following directions.
I did not flush the toilet, but I did sincerely apologize to large, no-nonsense man about my failure to fill the cup all the way up to the line.
He said it was fine, and also good luck with the job.
So assuming all goes well, I can also officially promise my clients that I absolutely do not perform my copywriting duties under the influence of the marijuana or bath salts or whatever else they test for. Which is true! It's mostly too much coffee and the occasional string cheese.