Three Nights at Amy's
When It Flows It Pours

Quote of the Day

Nay, of the year. Of the DECADE.

Noah, to Ike, who was whining loudly about his sock getting wet:

"It'll dry! It'll be fine!"

It will dry. It will be fine. 

This, from the kid for whom socks in general were once a regular source of meltdowns, who required special-order sensory socks without toe seams, who most certainly would've required a fresh dry change of socks IMMEDIATELY after stepping in something wet, oh my God, are you kidding. 

It's easy to get bogged down in the tiny details of the present, with how things are right now, because their future seems too big to worry about. Parents of typical kids make the jokes about "no kid goes to college in diapers" or "I promise he won't still ask for a bottle in junior high," and of course, that's all true. But there are kids in college who special order their socks. There are kids in junior high who wear noise-cancelling earmuffs and sit on special seat cushions. (I know that one is true because next year it'll be mine.) There are adults who struggle every single day with so many things, and it's easy to picture your child's struggles following them for life, bothering them, limiting them. 

Will he be able to talk, to chew and swallow, stop melting down over every little thing? Will the stimming always be so obvious? Will the feel of grass always bother him so much? Is he going to make friends? Is he going to get teased, or bullied? Will he ever enjoy a party, a concert, a date? Will he be able to work in an office, hold down a job, have a relationship? 

For every little victory or bit of progress you celebrate, there's always something else to worry about, fogging up your view of the big picture. Yes, he's comesofar and donesowell, and yet there's always a fresh batch of A, B and C that could potentially lead to X, Y and Z. 

I do try very hard not to do that. To step back from the worry and take a deep look at him, in all his quirky, accomplished glory. He's come so far, and done so well. 

It will dry. 

It will be fine. 

Comments

Myriam

We are in the early stages of intervention with our 3 1/2 yo. Severe speach (expressive) and socio-emotional delays, with moderate fine motor skill delay. Nothing "pervasive", we think. But still, it's very encouraging to read about the journey...

Jean

I am a parent of a 13 year old 7th grader on the spectrum. I can tell you that things have changed drastically. If other kids pick on him (and know that he has a good group of friends), he uses his humor, sarcasm and self-confidence to shut them down. None of it bothers him. He is soooo much more self-confident than I ever was and I am so very proud of him. He tells us everything and I am always checking in to make sure it is ok, but seriously, he has learned so much in the past year and become super comfortable with himself. He marches to his own drum and he is very ok with that :) Noah is going to continue to blow your mind.

Joanna

Thank you for sharing! We are in the early stages of my son's diagnosis (3 1/2) and our days are really intense right now. Thinking about Noah's journey (been reading since he was a baby) calms down my what-if spiral.
I have to say I do get annoyed by the "don't worry, he won't be wearing diapers in kindergarten" comments. I know people are trying to reassure me but actually he may still be in diapers and if that's his timeline, that's okay.
I hope we can help him grow into a confident guy like Noah and PP's son. I do really worry about how others will treat him.

Kathy

I've been reading you since Noah was about two. Of course there's more to worry about says this mom of a 23 and a 21 year old. But oh my does this post make me happy!

Lauren

Awww love this! Very philosophical, Noah. Thank you for sharing your boy's triumphs and trials with us.

Erin

This weekend, I was at a birthday party for one of my friends' children (turning 4). One of the other kids' dads was wearing noise-canceling headphones, and when I first saw him, I thought, "What on Earth...?" and then I realized that he probably has sensory processing issues. No one at the party made any sort of fuss about it, or even asked him, but he was chatting with my (low-talking) husband at one point and said, "Would you mind moving over here so I can hear you better? I need to wear these headphones because I get sensory overload, but I want to be able to hear you." I was so glad that this gentleman (who's in his 50s) had the confidence to do what he needed to do to manage a hectic situation (lord knows a party for a 4-year-old is anything but chill!), and I was really glad that I have had you and other bloggers educating me about Asperger's and SPD for so many years that I was able to quickly figure out what was going on and then not think about it anymore. You are doing SUCH a service to society by helping people without direct experience with these diagnoses understand them. THANK YOU.

Lynn

Oh, goodness, this was wonderful to read.

Sue W.

Okay, Amy. I thought you were gonna clean up this dusty old blog that nobody reads any more. You missed a spot, because there is dust in my eyes and leakage coming from them.
This does my poor old calloused heart good. Your kids give me hope.
And me?
My eyes will dry.
I will be fine.

Leeann

This was gorgeous. I love it.

I have three "kids" now 22, 18 and 15. In some ways I worry more and harder about them now then I did back then. I didn't know that would happen and it has caught me off guard.

You and Jason are doing such a nice job with your three kids. You are raising three great humans.

Cheryl S.

WONDERFUL!!!
I have a daughter with slight sensory issues. She's 11 and in 6th grade. My mom was trying to plan a dinner out for the family. She asked if we wanted to go to Dave and Buster's. (If you don't have them, it's a restaurant, but has a large arcade for kids. Lots of video games, skee ball, etc.) She wanted to check because my daughter has issues with noise. I asked my daughter and she said "Mom, I"m over that now" I know it's not completely true, but in that moment, I heard angels singing!

Patt M

My 20 year old daughter is on the spectrum and has some slight sensory issues. elementary school was the most difficult to navigate, mostly because autism and understanding was just becoming known. We had great teachers and special ed staff, however. She was mainstreamed in jr high and high school, had a circle of friends and through her Life Skills class (aka how to adult) is better prepared for real life than her other three "neuro-typical" siblings. She works full time as a lunch lady in the elementary school cafeteria and her job is not dumbed down for her but they are very accommodating to her needs.
I still worry about her quality of life, but she is fine with her limitation--in fact, she doesn't see them as a problem. That's how she is and her attitude it that it is other people's problems. You never stop worrying but, yes, it will be fine.

Robyn

Our oldest son Jake was right on the edge of some of the behaviors you talk about with Noah. He's grown out of so many of them, but I still notice a facial tick here or rapid eye blinking when something new is going on but it's really not like it used to be. This post reminded me of the time when he was a toddler and my husband accidentally plopped him in the tub with his socks still on, and you could actually see the moment his little brain short circuited. Jake's 13 now, and my husband remembers it like it was yesterday. Thankfully Jake does not remember this at all!

Denise

My son is 22 and autistic. On Sunday, we went to a comic expo and he got a tattoo.

If you'd told me 10 years ago that the kid who couldn't wear certain fabrics because they hurt or who had screaming meltdowns when he got his hair cut was going to someday sit quietly while an artist drew on him with a needle, I would have thought you'd lost your damn mind.

I might be the only mum ever who has teared up with pride when their child got a tattoo, but whatever. He worked so hard to get there.

Karen

I love the post and I love the comments. It WILL be fine!

Karen

I love all of these comments. I have a 10 year old (who is so much like Noah and in the same grade) and I am a college disability services administrator. I take each and every accomplishment of 'my' kids as a reason to throw a parade.
Then, yesterday, I walked my son to join the group going on a field trip and he was so excited, he forgot to say goodbye. He just ran off to be with the others. You would think I would be so happy about the friends he finally has but I wept in the car like an idiot. Oh, how these kids keep us on our toes.

junkie

LOVE everything about this!!! :)

Pippa

Thankyou Amy for sharing your trials and tribulations. I have been reading your blog since long before I was a parent, and not only has your honesty in saying it how it is made the transition into motherhood far easier but has also inspired me to share something other than the socially expected rainbows and unicorn experiences with others. Please keep sharing!

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