Total Eclipse of the Elbow
Middling

A Post That Is Not About My Elbow

(HA HA SUCKERS, of course Imma talk about my stupid elbow.)

Another week, another doctor's visit, X-ray and this time, a bonus ultrasound. We can now add "tricep avulsion" to my diagnosis, which basically means my tricep muscle cracked off a tiny piece of my olecranon (aka ye olde nubby pointy bit) in what I like to imagine was a fit of super-strong tricep Hulk rage. Also I have a HUGE hematoma under there too, literally bigger than all the elbow bones put together, so I look forward to watching my elbow turn 500 different shades of purple in the weeks ahead. It'll be like watching the eclipse all over again!

IMG_20170820_134748

SEGUE TIME. Here is my elbow out in the wild. Please note my ability to hold a beer remains unaffected, blessed be to the alcohol gods.

A friend of ours scored us three kids' vouchers for free Orioles tickets for them and deeply discounted tickets for us, which meant we could take the money we saved on tickets and blow it all on hats.  

IMG_20170820_134234_874

Lesson learned, do NOT wait to panic-buy five hats at the baseball stadium because you didn't pay attention to where your seats were and anticipate being out in the blazing hot August sun. They will cost you a million and four dollars and Amazon has them so much cheaper. My children have been strictly warned not to EVER lose these hats because I am not replacing them; honestly I'm putting them into our will as part of their official inheritance.

IMG_20170820_154812

And if that weren't enough, Jason and Ezra went out in search of  the world's most expensive peanuts and came back with this giant foam...thing. That I'm sure was super reasonably priced and highly practical and also, totally lost or disintegrated by now. 

IMG_20170820_155223

Jason ALSO returned with this shirt on, which he claimed he needed because his other one was all sweaty and gross, but I feel like this super cajjjjjjjjj selfie I found later in his camera roll suggests a different reason lololol. I see you, boo. 

(He's totally going to lock me out of his OneDrive now and frankly, I probably deserve that.)

IMG_20170820_155223

Ice cream served up in a plastic souvenir batting helmet? WHY THE HECK NOT, JASON, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE SHORT-TERM DISABILITY TO MAKE UP FOR MY LACK OF INCOME THIS MONTH RIGHT? HA HA HA SOB PLZ TELL ME YOU GUYS ARE GONNA SHARE SOME WITH ME.

IMG_20170820_144530

(I did eat most of Ike's, as he was way more interested in the hat than its contents. It did not disappoint him, and I'm hopeful this .02 cent hunk of branded plastic will one day appreciate into a rare Orioles collectible worth millions of dollars.)

(If you guessed from these photos that Noah was the ONLY child who was actually more interested in watching the game itself than begging Dad for treats and snacks, you are correct! Pick a prize from our prize box. It's mostly broken crayons and used cotton balls. though.)

20170820_201912812_iOS

In summary, even with free tickets, taking three children to a ballgame is kind of ridiculous, especially when one parent goes off on a spoily-spendy-spree. On the other hand, he always made sure I had a fresh cold beer available, for medicinal purposes of course. So I guess it's okay.

Also, we're saving a fortune on housecleaning costs.

IMG_20170815_164902

(Yes, that's the kids' suitcase from our trip a couple weeks ago still sitting in our foyer. I haven't unpacked it because next week is our little family beach trip, and I'm just gonna take all the same shit, with a couple extra bathing suits or whatever. This is highly strategic, well-thought-out laziness, people.)

Comments

Brandy K

Ha ha - I love that the first hits on that Amazon link were $200-$300 (signed) hats. Adds some extra hyperbole. (Yes, there were $10 listings below). And my husband is the same. damn. way. Ice cream! Shirts! Key chains! Churros! Belt buckles! Buy all the things! Whee! We will be poor and fat(ter) tomorrow, but live for today!

Amy Jo

We took our kids to a pirate's game (with tickets that INCLUDED HATS) and still spent eleventy gillion dollars. Did you know that dippin' dots are not ice cream, and therefore additional actual ice cream purchases must be made? And also my husband is a sucker.

Sue W

Bucket list to come to Bal-more (as an Uncle who was born there pronounced it!) and see a Rays/ Oreos (another pronunciation from Uncle Bill!) series. I have to have cotton candy when we go to a game. Usually get some to bring home too! I KNEW Zah-man was my favorite of your kids for a reason. Love me a man who loves baseball!
You know we want to see more pics of your hematoma as it changes colors!

Rachel

I thought the suitcase was going to turn into "suitcase watch" similar to "tire watch", now I'm disappointed that's actually strategically placed. =)

Kate

I had one of those tiny plastic hats as a kid and it was a favorite toy of mine. I thought it was hysterical to put it on my stuffed animals. My parents didn't even take me to the game, just my mom went with my brother, but that hat, man, way better than a dumb ball game.

KGC

Hubba hubba, Jason!

Flybigd

I second that Hubba!

Lauren Parker

"Super cajjjjjjjjjj selfie" made me laugh out loud! Also, what does Jason's bicep tattoo say?

Amalah

Jason got "Noah Ezra Ike" in the shape of a heart. Those boys have him HARD.

http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2017/06/look-out-we-got-some-middle-aged-badasses-over-here.html

Fraulein N

Soooo ... I feel like surely you must have blogged about the vacuum at one point -- in fact, I'm sure I remember a post about your happy little clean-up elves -- but I don't remember reading about WHAT VACUUM IS THAT? I'm in the market for a new one and your floors always look so clean!

And yes, pls continue sharing hematoma photos because I am That Oddball too. It's strangely fascinating.

Amy in StL

So this year at our ballpark they serve mini donuts in those hats. Except the hats are bigger and the donuts are actually tiny tubular funnel cakes drizzled in icing and sprinkles. I initially scoffed at hot donuts at the ballpark. But.... then I had a few beers and the person behind me had them and the smell... Oh the smell of hot funnel cake and icing!

Traci

If you think the hats were expensive, don't ask him what he spent on beer!

Christine

This is why we go to the Bowie Baysox. The tickets are cheap enough that if you can't stay for the whole game it's okay. The overpriced crap is all still there. Also, they have special "bring your dogs" nights and an amazing Star Wars night every summer with light saber fights between innings.

The comments to this entry are closed.