Skinny Ike
HAIRZ ALIVE, DAMMIT (It's a Miracle!)

The End of the Hairz

I was down in the basement finishing up my workout when Ike appeared at the top of the stairs. He said he had something to show me. 

"You'll never believe this, Mom," he said. "Now that I'm six years old my hair is different."

My stomach sunk. I turned around. It sunk even more and took my heart with it. 

"OH IKE," I shrieked, "OH NOOOOOO. WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOO?"

I knew what he did, obviously. He'd gotten the scissors (again) and cut his own hair (again), but this time it wasn't just one small random snip off the top. He'd hacked his bangs off entirely, almost to the roots in some places, and taken off large random chunks around the sides of his head. Only the long, straight locks in the back were untouched.

I more wanted to know WHY. And of course, the unanswerable, perpetual question of CHILD WHAT WERE YOU THINKING.

"Did you want your hair short? Because we could cut your hair short! Oh, Ike, why why why did you do that?"

"No!" he responded, shaking his head and looking slightly stricken, "I still have long hair! I just wanted to make the front look cute like in that picture! No hair cut! NO HAIR CUT!" 

At this point my emotions got the better of me and I started to cry, as the reality of what he'd done sunk in and how completely unfixable it was. This was it. Then end of our long-haired little blond boy. 

"Baby, we're going to have to cut your hair."

Then he started to cry. Then he ran to look at himself in a mirror and started to sob.

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(He'd done all the cutting in his bedroom, without a mirror.)

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(The "picture" in question: A doodle portrait from an arts street festival last year. It is indeed cute, but not really an appropriate choice for hairstyle inspiration.)

(The peace sign he's flashing there now looks remarkably like a pair of scissors instead and I cannot unsee.)

The apologies and the bargaining began. He was sorry, so sorry, he made a mistake. It was just a mistake! His hair will grow back! School doesn't start for forever, right? We could glue it back on! What about tape! Please don't cut the rest of it off, please! Business in the front, party in the back, etc.  

"I know!" he said, in a desperately heartbreaking moment, "I'll wish on the wishing star!"

I'm sorry, buddy. 

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Jason called the woman who cuts our hair, in hopes of taking him somewhere other than a barber, somewhere that would understand Ike's emotional attachment to his hair and do...well, something other than just a buzzcut as a repair job. I'm taking him to see her later today. We'll see what can be salvaged without veering too much into mullet territory. 

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I still don't think it's really sunk in yet. 

I've caught him staring at the mirror, pulling on his bangs, trying to get them to grow. He's brushed it and combed it and messed it back up again, trying to make it look like before. I've shown him lots of photos of short hair cuts, trying to convince him that he'll still look adorable and handsome and all that. I'm promised him that after this cut, he can absolutely grow it long again if he wants to; we just have to...uh...even things out a little bit. 

"But I won't look like Ike," he sighs. "I'm going to look so boring."

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Impossible on both counts, buddy, I promise. 

Comments

Isabel

I just had to laugh - I know you guys are sad but this is just so damn CUTE!!!

tifRN

Oh nooooooo!!! I'm so sad about this (and not all displacing the future haircut of my five year old with shoulder length hair).

sylvie

soooooooooo sad...but still atrociously funny. Sorry Ike and Mom.
Maybe a little padawan braid in the back will make the short hair acceptable?

Kelsey

Oh no :(

elsiroomom

One thing I can promise you - he will never do this again. :) My sister played "beauty shop" once (she was about six)- the neighbor girl cut my sister's hair -but then refused to let my sister cut her hair (I think they got a little freaked out by the piles of hair - my mother thought they'd ripped apart a doll). Needless to say - it did grow back - and became a part of family lore. It probably isn't funny at the moment to you or to Ike, but no doubt it will be a story for years to come.

Kathryn

Oh nooooo! I feel your pain. My son didn't cut his own, but the stylist at the kids' salon we take him to hacked off all his amazing curls last month. It was such a butcher job, random weird chunks were shaved almost to the skull, but the edges were still long and untrimmed. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when our nanny sent me a picture. I went with laugh and reassure myself that it would grow out, and it's already starting to look semi-normal again.

Rachel

Oh no! My heart sunk when you described him realizing what he'd done. And I'm not gonna lie, I was wondering how the street artist knew to draw a scissor in the picture? Was he/she a fortune teller, too? Or had you told him/her a story of Ike previously cutting his hairz?

I'm looking forward to an update after your trip to have it evened out later.

Pat

So cute - I actually thought that was a pair of scissors in the doodle (until I kept scrolling down) and thought 'what a weird choice - to draw scissors in his hand!?) I raised 3 boys, all in their 20's now. You will have lots more stories that will first make you cry and that eventually -- sometimes it takes a LONG time -- you will laugh about.

Valerie Clark

Yikes! It will grow. Unlike my Barbie's hair. I think we all have a hair cutting tale. I hope Ike survives the trauma.

Lori

Oh my heart.

Cara

Oh gosh Ike! Hoping your stylist has magic shears! Also hoping this doesn't take away too many precious ounces from his potential weight gains!

Katie H.

Oh Ike!!! So innocently adorably IKE. His little face and "I'll wish on the wishing star!" I almost started crying. I'll bet you anything he'll end up liking it and it will be his NEW favorite hair.

Betsy

Two weeks between a bad haircut and a semi-grown out, kid-cut-it-himself haircut. My brother did something similar the day before school pictures, naturally and I trimmed my own wet bangs in 7th grade. It's a rite of passage. Though as a stylist, if you brought him to me, I'm not all that sure what I would do to blend the front without taking much off. We all know how Ike (and you) love that hair!!

RzDrms

Can we vote?!?! Plz?! I vote mullet, 1000%. #TeamHairz

Amy in StL

My brother cut his eyelashes when he was little. The other boys made fun of his long eyelashes, so he cut them off.... of one eye. So then my mom (single at the time) had to figure out how to hold him still enough to kind of even up the other one.

Meredith

Tell him he is going to be a trendsetter.....first kid in his school with the new manic pixie dreamboy cut. Google some photos of Michelle Williams or Winona Ryder or Charlize Theron with their super short pixie cuts. And then introduce him to the wonderful world of hair products. This is fixable without a buzz cut. Although he would totally rock that as well.

Sue W

I fear this may be the end of Our Baby (not so baby anymore) Ile.
I took the scissors to my own self when I was 4. I had gotten a Chatty Cathy doll who had short hair and I wanted to look like her. I guess in my little kid mind, I knew I was breaking some sort of "rule" because I went outside behind a tree and did the deed. I managed to get my bangs and one side of my hair wacked before my dad came and found me. Hands were wrung, tears were shed, my butt got blistered and my hair grew back.
I hope Ike doesn't take the fixing of the hair too hard. Who knows, when he's almost 60, maybe he will have a story to share with his grandkids.

Sarah

As a fellow Mama to a long haired boy, this actually made me cry. I am so sorry :(

Betsy

Come on, now. It will grow back! Not the end of long hair. My son is 8, and always had long flowing locks as a toddler. I cried the first time my husband gave him a buzz cut. But... we let it grow back. He's had long hair AND buzzcuts several times since then. Hair grows six inches in a year! He will have long hair again before you know it!

liz

OH NO!!! Poor Ike.

Erin

One of the hardest things I've experienced as a mom are the "what the heck were you thinking?!" moments when my son (3.5yo) just....can't really explain. To watch him realize what he's done and feel so confused about why he did it, but feel so bad about it? Ugh. I can remember feeling that way as a kid and I just can't bear it. Poor Ike, poor you.

Chi

He is so precious! I just want to gobble him up. :) Poor little guy. So glad hair grows back! (I've had a bunch of haircut-related trauma, so I send Ike the Fistbump of Solidarity. :))

kimmjo87

as the mother of 3 grown girls and one boy, who played barbershop together, this is hilarious. i know now that tradegies like these will be the least of your worries! rite of passage mama, roll with it!

MamaKaren

If there's enough in the back , Ike can be the 3rd kid in the county to wear a rat-tail since the 80s ended (my sons are the first 2).

Evelynne

Um... am I the only one who is completely questioning, right now, why hair needs to be even? Who says? Seriously.

That said, I'm certain he'll be Ike and Not Boring no matter what the stylist does.

Kim

I hope there's an 'after' picture tomorrow!! Poor kid!

Leigh Ann

Oh man. No way around it. But it'll grow back!

Lindsay

Baby Ike!! Poor sweet kiddo. I wish I could give him a hug.

Jennifer

I do hope you bring the inspiration picture along to the salon. You never know what magic might be worked?

Kim

The buzz cut thing might not be so bad. We played up the fuzzy part of it with my 6yo girl (repeated cuttings, until there was nothing else to do) last summer, and she ended up *loving* it. Almost buzzed it again this summer.
I mea, I'm hoping for a miracle, but it will grow out again.

SarahB

I definitely saw the peace sign as scissors...oh, baby Ike.

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