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This Prob Could've Been a Tweet

Our iron broke yesterday morning. Jason discovered this when he went to iron Ezra's shirt for picture day (which woowowowowowwww tells you everything you need to know about Him As A Dad vs. Me As A Mom), and it wouldn't turn on or heat up or anything.

Good riddance. I hated that iron, as the steam setting never worked properly and always just dripped puddles of lukewarm water all over my clothes. Ten years, at least, I've hated that goddamn iron. Should I have just replaced it at some point? Of course! But then 1) that's one less thing in my life to bitch about, and bitching gives me life, and 2) come on. Does anybody remember the plastic wrap? I used that wretched, useless plastic wrap down to the last wretched, useless inch. Of course I'm not replacing a terrible iron. 

So I ordered a new iron. And was delighted to realize that I could get one delivered the same day, for FREE. Like, I sat there for multiple minutes contemplating this logistical and technological marvel. What a time to be alive, when irons will magically show up at your door mere hours after your old one gives up the ghost. Iron-related emergencies are officially a thing of the past, people! 

And so my iron arrived later that day, as promised. And I stared at it for awhile, because what the FUCK was I thinking? Why is this even here? 

I didn't need to iron anything else yesterday. I barely iron anything, ever. I could've enjoyed a completely iron-less, slightly wrinkled existence for weeks, if not months, and never even noticed. What kind of adult am I even pretending to be here? People in Puerto Rico have no water or electricity and I'm like, "I DEMAND FREE SAME-DAY SHIPPING FOR SMALL HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES I WILL POSSIBLY NOT USE UNTIL 2018."

Anyway. It turned out Ezra's picture day was actually today, not yesterday. 

I did not iron his shirt. 

 

 

Comments

Gabrielle

I feel like there was a missed opportunity for a series of #IronWatch posts while we waited for the non-functioning iron to be tossed and replaced, but I guess giving this whole "adulting" thing a shot works too. ;-)

Dori

My son wanted his shirt ironed for picture day. I did not see why that was necessary and would not have noticed any wrinkles. Dad ended up doing the ironing.

C

the breathtaking dumbness posts are your most relatable and fun. keep it up.

Zoot

We bought our first house in 2005 and it was some time in 2007 when remembered we left our ironing board hanging on the door in the apartment two years earlier. I had an iron that only saw the light of day when I need to fake-hem stuff with that glue tape. Then my KID started wearing nice clothes and asked if he could have my iron. So I gave it to him which he now uses in his own apartment when he's getting dressed for his real job where he gets paid a salary and I'm still wearing my PJs to work some days.

Laurie

I relate to every aspect of this!

Kim

We have an iron in a box in the basement that hasn't been unpacked over our last three moves. We also have an ironing board that is blocking my entrance to the under-the-basement stairs closet of doom. I'm in no hurry to get to either of them. Clothes dryer with steam option for the win!!

Amy X

I decided to be an adult and added an ironing board to my wedding registry. I had an iron, but had been using a mini travel (lolz) ironing board. It was time for an upgrade! That was four years ago and the most action my full-size ironing board has seen is when I used it to lay on an incline (per the Spinning Babies website) in an attempt to get my stubbornly breech baby to flip. So I guess it was worth it? Thanks for the wedding present Aunt Judy!

monica

I moved in 2010 and taped up the ironing board for transport. I just noticed it a few weeks ago in the basement, still taped up. I do iron every now and then on my bed, but it has never been worth getting the ironing board out.

Lindsay

Three words: hand held steamer. I bought ours after taking a "big firm" job, where suits were the daily attire. I haven't ironed in five years. It's life changing, it packs easily, and it's a lifesaver for travel weddings where you have a dress, a suit for the hubs, and three little boys with dress shirts that all need to be de-wrinkled. Best $25 I've ever spent. Go to Amazon, NOW and return that wretched hand held demon, stat!

Amy A

My hair straightening iron does a great job on collars and hems, and that is really all I care about ;)

Suzy Q

Clothes steamers are magical, I have recently discovered.

RzDrms

What’s an “iron?”

Linda

I don't iron. If something is terribly wrinkled, I've been known to use a hair flat iron.

Kaela W

I am a seamstress, i.e. I iron alllllllll the time. I live and die by my iron. I loved my old one for its weight, good steam, excellent heat...but the stupid thing only lasted a couple years before it started shorting out because of the ball and socket style cord attachment. I need to replace it but don't want to pick the wrong one so I was so excited for your post! It's Amy! She researches stuff and will do the leg work for me and pick a great iron! She...picked the exact iron I currently have, wah wah. It works brilliantly when it's working though, so enjoy :)

Jarsica

This made me lol

TheIronLady

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 6. Eighteen months ago he needed to iron his shirt because Very Important Person was coming to work and he wanted to look crisp. He ironed his shirt and it was miserable. So then I ironed it, and it turns out that ironing is like my secret domestic weapon thang that I'd been hiding from him for 9+ years (I used to iron my dad's shirts for work when I was a teenager). Now he begs me to do it, but we have small kids soooo I don't have time.

J

I remember the plastic wrap!! I remember it because I have the exact same plastic wrap and the exact same problem. In fact... I still have the same tube of plastic wrap I had when you wrote that post. And it is still making me miserable... just not enough to replace it apparently.

Kira

Thank you for this post on this random but sadly important topic. I never iron and swore that I never will, but now our household owns 2 dress shirts and thus we need to iron them on those 2 days per year when we wear them. I even put some money away to buy a cheap iron, but just couldn't force myself to do it. Today, I've read the comment section and just ordered a travel steamer. Yay 21st century and developing technologies that will save me from ironing!

Lynn

I do not own an iron.

I do not see this changing in my lifetime.

Chrissy

Hi, first time reader. I saw your article recommending crib soothers for sleep time. I use one with my 19 month old. It eats batteries like crazy though and we are trying to transitiin him to a music player but it doesn't have the lights and he can't turn it on himself (it stays on all night). You mentioned in the article i read that your boys outgrew it. At what age did they out grow it? Also, do you have any tips for weaning him off the crib soother or should we just suck it up and buy batteries. He is a great sleeper 12hrs a night. He wakes up 3 times a night for less than a minute and turns it on and falls right back asleep.

Erin

I swear to god that I read that first sentence like 14 times and was like, "Iron? Like...her vitamins?" Then I thought about it and was like, "A car..part?" Then I was trying to figure out a part of a house called an iron. And then I kept reading and REMEMBERED WHAT AN IRON IS.That is how long it has been since I used one of those things.

MAH LIFE.

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