Mall Santa 2017
The Morning After

Merry Crashmas

We decided to keep things simple this year, so instead of visiting a tree farm, we picked one up pre-cut from the nearest lot. 


And for the first year ever, all three kids were actually genuinely helpful. The tree got evenly and uniformly decorated (as opposed to 17 ornaments stacked up on a single bottom branch) and -- perhaps even more monumentally, they didn't break a single ornament. The tree looked perfect. 


A few days later, however, the cats were like, HOLD OUR BEER. 





Thankfully, the majority of our ornaments are the of the cheap shatter-proof or kids arts-and-crafts varieties, but we still managed to lose a good number of the delicate, sentimental kind. (Trying not to look at the shards of the very last 70s vintage glass ball from my childhood Christmas tree in that last photo.) Jason and I propped the tree back up, frantically redecorated and scrubbed the crime scene of mass-needle-carnage evidence before the kids got home from school. 

Of course, it took Ike all of 30 seconds to notice that several of "his" ornaments were either missing or on different branches and we eventually had to come clean and admit that yeah, we're pretty sure one or both of the cats tried to climb the tree and timbered the hell out of it. 

The cats, for their part, admit nothing and have learned nothing, except perhaps that the tree is more fun to climb in while horizontal. 


Happy Holidays, you filthy animals. 



Fraulein N

I can't get over the fact that they not only toppled it, they then apparently proceeded to PLAY in the destruction. Those adorable little bastards.

Stephanie M

Oh...I’m so sorry that nobody mentioned this before but if you have young cats, it’s a good idea to tie the tree up. Fishing line, from at least two angles, to the wall or ceiling. Good luck the rest of the season!

(We tied ours up in preparation because we have two new cats since last year who are definitely naughty, curious, and of course they’ve shown very little interest in the tree. Brats.)


Hold our beer. Love it.


Our cat knocked over the tree last year. So from then on, our tree has bungee cord reinforcement, in festive red and green of course.


Our three year olds did that this year. After it had been up for all of two hours. We took it back down and said they had to be less badly behaved with their regular stuff before we'd trust them with a tree again. Thankfully, we only did the cheap plastic crappy ornaments from IKEA. At this rate they'll be in middle school before we have anything nice again. Sigh.

Miz Middling

Oh, cats. Good thing they're cute.


Cats are such asshats. It’s why we love them.

Katie H.

"The cats were like HOLD OUR BEER." That made me LOL! We're lucky neither of ours really gives a damn about it, except for one poor "test" ornament Pipsy decided to swat off a lower branch. Gonna have to tie that sucker to the wall like a dresser girl!

Sue W

Beer, hell! I'm willing to bet those fuckers were in the whiskey! It's a good thing they're cute! And at least the boys don't have to worry about Santa not bringing gifts if THEY had knocked the tree over.


I had a tree fall over a few years ago due to a crooked trunk. It was a disaster. And my first Christmas with my husband his cat toppled the tree he put up at his apartment. This year the cats are content to just tear the ornaments off in the night.


Don't be surprised if the cats return, time and time again, to the scene of the crime. We had a similar issue and after much frustration and many, many expletives, we purchased a medium-sized tree and put it on a high, small table to stop the carnage. Out of sight, out of kitty's mind. More or less.... Merry Christmas!

Randy Bachand

Merry Christmas! Did the shuttlecraft ornament I sent a few years back survive the timbering? I have more :)


Late to the party, but trees often topple when not evenly decorated - you’d be surprised how heavy decorations can be, and if they’re just on the front- “timberrrrrrr”

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