The great kitchen appliance I'm Not Dead Yet tour lumbers on. The refrigerator's ice maker broke and leaked water everywhere (something I discovered while sitting downstairs in the basement, when water began dripping on my head halfway through The Cloverfield Paradox). And then that duct-taped shelf randomly un-duct-taped itself the very next morning and took out a dozen eggs and a bottle of mustard.
Jason attempted to fix the ice maker, but after spending 10 minutes behind the fridge he realized it was a goddamn miracle the thing was running at all, or not currently on fire. (Maybe it was! Maybe the water leak just canceled it out.) Bitch was old. And very much on its last legs.
Not going to lie: I straight-up clapped my hands and cheered. New fridge! New fridge!
(In case you're wondering where all this money we suddenly seem to have came from: We took out a home equity loan a few months ago to fund several projects, like the floors and a new patio out back that is getting underway later this week. We also included some buffer/padding money in case of something going over budget or, say, all our major appliances turning to shit at once.)
Our shiny new refrigerator arrives later today, and I spent most of last night and this morning emptying the current one out. An absolutely disgusting job, I'm embarrassed to admit, that involved tossing a lot of fuzzy condiment bottles and Mystery Tupperware directly into the trash.
(I blamed the fridge layout, of course, for making things too hard to see and/or too easy to get buried in the far back. The new fridge is a completely different configuration and will totally solve all those problems and we'll never have a gross fridge again for ever and ever. I am so adorable sometimes.)
Here is a list of everything I found on top of the fridge. It's safe to say there was a bit of a theme:
1) A very old and alarmingly sticky iPad
3) Water gun
4) Cap gun
5) Ray gun
9) Wooden sword
10) Plastic sword
11) Party favor noisemaker someone was using like a sword
12) An assortment of whistles
The new fridge is, alas, a couple inches taller than the current one, which means I need to find a new place to put all the things my children beat each other and/or annoy the shit out of me with.
RIP OLD FRIDGE. I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY.