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One Month On

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We spent the 4th of July in Baltimore, then went up to Hershey, PA for the rest of week. 

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The boys only had two requests for summer vacation: Fireworks and Hersheypark. We were happy to oblige.


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(And yes, of course Noah brought the Declaration of Independence to its birthday party. And Sonic the Hedgehog, because why not?)

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(My phone died barely an hour into our day at the park, so this is the only documentation of my physical presence.)

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It's now been a full month since it happened, the event, the attempt, the night it all nearly stopped but didn't. Sometimes it still feels very near and very close, while other times I look up at the sky and see fireworks, or the world whizzing past on a rollercoaster, and it fades far, far away. To a different time and place I have no interest in ever revisiting.

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Comments

reenie

Wonderful photos! I love Jason's tattoo, remember seeing that post, and creating my own version with my kids' names...and maybe someday I'll have the balls to actually get it done, maybe. And there's nothing like photos of boys watching fireworks. It's everything.

Glad to see a month has passed...can't wait for the "It's been a year..." post.


Shes

Smiles.....for you and your family. Just glad there are smiles....

Katie

So glad you enjoyed some time away with your family. What a difference a month makes. Keep taking care of yourself.

Jenni

Long time reader, first time commenter.... I wasglad to see this today- I had been thinking of you and wondering how you were. Your updates have been brave and heartbreaking and incredible and I’m so grateful for your sharing them.... and being ok enough to share them. Thanks for keeping on with the blog- seeing your updates is so comforting to know you’re still here and still doing ok.

Elizabeth_K

I'm so glad you are posting and that it seems far, far away. And so glad you are here.

Christina

Happy for you and your progress. As the spouse of someone who's been through something similar, time and distance can be incredibly healing. Months turn into years and life goes on. Glad you're still in it.

Lorrian Ippoliti

Noah's Declaration of Independence at the fireworks is everything!!

As are you.

xoxoxoxoxo

Sarah

Loved reading this. Love that you are a month out. It's been a bit over 3 years, here. (3 years, 21 days. Yes, I remember exactly. My husband drove himself to the ER and I found out the next morning.) Thinking of you and yours and keeping you in prayer daily.

Lisa

<3 <3 <3

Alison

Beautiful pictures. Beautiful boys. So glad you’re doing better. I hope you keep racking up good days.

Kim too

Love reading about you and yours. So glad the story will go on from here.

Jamie

I cannot say this enough, and please believe me - I'm not exaggerating. Your stories (I remember when Noah was born!) lift my spirits and brighten my days. I'm so glad you are here. We're here for you as well, should you ever be in need. XO from Chicago

Lynn

So very glad you were there with all of your men..and just so very glad you are here to stay.

zoot

Thank you for still writing and sharing your life with us! And since I'm the one who takes pictures my face is only ever documented in selfie form at anything :)

Susannah

Why do men age so well? It's incredibly, STUPIDLY unfair. (Also...I'm so very glad that you were there for this day. And the one before that and the one before that and the ones after too.Your world works better with you in it.)

Claudia

Good vibes to you. I have been reading you since 2003. I remember the battle of the deodorants in your bathroom took me out of a bad funk and I thank you for that. XOXO

Lindsay

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Shelly Kroll

XOXO

Lauren A

I still... it’s hard. I drove my mother to the hospital when she was trying to kill herself with alcohol. I begged her to stay for me and my brother. She said no... it’s hard. I don’t understand this line between choice and illness. I have gotten much, MUCH closer to maybe understanding through your struggle... but I still don’t understand. How you could look at them, those boys in that post, and do that? I just... you don’t have to help me see. That isn’t your responsibility. But it was so damaging to be on the other side of it- I see myself in the strain in Jason’s face in those pictures. We all hurt from mental illness... but to not take care of it/ yourself is equivalent to not taking your chemo drugs when you have cancer.. no?

I’m sorry, I love you so much, but this is such a personal thing for me- it cuts me deeply. I worry, daily for you. I hope, so deeply, for you. I don’t want to convey guilt- but there is collateral damage from this. I don’t even know. But I hurt that you hurt, please know that.

Elisabeth

So this is what happens if you read your favorite blog only once a month... I‘m a little bit ashamed to admit that here and now but my explanation is that I keep always some blog entries from you as a gift to myself or sometimes as a little comforting thing to look forward to. I‘m a long time reader since before Noah was born and a lot has happened since then in my own life, too. Cancer has come and changed my whole life and I had to laugh when I read your post about yourself belonging to a group of patients of a closed ward. When I ended my first round of fighting cancer with a stay in an oncogical rehab center (that‘s something we have here in Germany) and I looked around me in the dining room on my first evening there I only then realized how many other people were in the same situation - young and old, female and male - all fighting the same enemy!
That has been six years ago and I‘m still here and I can only beg you to go on and on - I want to see Noah going out with his first girlfriend! ;-)
Best regards from a woman who always has two siamese cats!

Liz

Adding my voice to the chorus here. I check your blog about once a month and so am late to the conversation. I'm a fellow boy mom, a special education mom, and I've been reading your blog since before Ezra was born. I've written to your advice column and you've helped me. I'm also a mom who needs to have her anxiety meds checked and the strength you've found to share your situation has helped me to check in with myself and find some honesty about some really big and hard things. I am thinking of you often and sending you solidarity. Thank you for fighting. Hugs.

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