Friday Happy
Beach House Rules, 2018 Edition

Better Now

Quick question. No, wait. Two questions.

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1) WHYYYYYY DID I BUY THEM THIS

2) How long before the batteries die a malicious early death and I can claim that oh, sorry, those are SPECIAL batteries that we don't have and need to be special-ordered and delivered via yak from Malaysia, meanwhile, why don't you leave Simon with me and also, bring me a hammer. For reasons. Unrelated.

Other than the beep-borping-insanity brought on by that damn thing, I'm doing pretty well. I still hit the occasional rough patch where either the depression or anxiety spike, but since I finally have the ability to know what life feels like WITHOUT those dueling bastards, I can actually stop and recognize that okay, time for some self-care or mindfulness or deep breathing or sunshine or whatever the fuck. 

It's been a really, really long time since I could even tell the difference. 

The kids are doing really well too -- they're all such funny, matter-of-fact sorts who are just like, okay, Mom was sick but now she's getting better. She takes medicine and goes to a lot of doctor's appointments to stay better and out of the hospital. Yay Mom!

I'm hoping that if there is any upside to this whole disaster (besides me being like, alive), is that they've developed a healthy, helpful understanding that yep, brains can get sick just like any other body part. Noah takes his ADHD medication, Ezra takes allergy medication (for dust/pollen/basically all of nature), Ike takes....well, Ike takes a multivitamin, because he's as healthy as a horse despite eating the calorie intake of a gnat. Mom takes stuff now too.

Not to mention that they're already deeply familiar with invisible brain and neurological differences, so hearing that their mom struggles with something too wasn't deeply frightening or jarring. It was more like Moms! They're just like us!

(Ezra, being the lone "typical" kid stuck in the middle, proudly announces his status as an empath whenever the topic of his brothers' diagnoses comes up. Noah has ASD/ADHD, Ike has dyslexia, and "I have empathy," he says. "I feel other people's feelings and it's a lot of feelings to deal with sometimes.")

Lest I get too smug and comfortable about how great everybody is dealing with everything, however, kids are kids and love getting in the occasional, out-of-the-blue gut punch. 

I came back from a therapy appointment and Noah was taking the garbage cans out. He asked where I'd gone and I told him. He nodded, walked down to the curb, and then turned around and hollered up the driveway at the top of his lungs, " I FORGET. WHAT ARE YOU DEPRESSED ABOUT AGAIN?"

I made everybody fruit salad the other day and spent a little extra time making the bowls pretty, then topped them with some whipped cream. They were delighted, and then Ezra said,"I love when you make me food, Mom. You stopped doing it for awhile, you know."

(I know, I know. The eggs. I didn't make you eggs.)

And then Ike, randomly, last week: "You remember that time you went to the hospital?"

Yes, I remember.

"I didn't like that time."

No, I didn't like it either.

"It felt like I didn't have a mom anymore."

Ohhhhhh, buddy. I am so sorry. But you do have a mom! Thank freaking goodness, you still do. 

 

 

 

Comments

Cecily

All the love, Amy.

Sue W.

Yes! That is all. Just. Yes!

JillJill

💗

Elizabeth_K

I think about you and your journey so often and am just so glad you five are all still on it together (plus the dogs and cats, of course ...)

flybigd

Hugs to all of you. None of this life is easy, is it?

Paige

I'm so happy to read this I had to just sit and let my eyes leak a little before typing this out. Rooting for you and yours so hard.

Chris

Wellllll I'm crying. I love your family. So happy you're here to share with us. Thank you.

Heather Laura Clarke

We're all so glad. *tears up at the keyboard*

Nancy R.

"I feel other people's feelings and it's a lot of feelings to deal with sometimes." -- love this so much. Thanks for being so truthful about shit, Amy. It's appreciated, so much. xoxoxoxoxo to infinity and beyond

Lisa

Your boys communicate so well with you. Way to go Mama, way to go.

Jessica

So many hugs 🤗 and so much love 💕 to you and yours.

Jelourai

Making me cry again. Thank you for continuing to share. It matters. ❤

MJ

Thank goodness they still have you. Hang in there.

Lindsey

Hugs and good thoughts and happiness!

Rebecca M.

You know what? Ezra's totally right.

Don't ever change your empathetic ways, dude. You're awesome, and so are your brothers.

Emily

Kids can be so brutally sweet. I love them. Keep on keeping on

Heather

Love you. Happy you're here.

Kim

I have leaky eyes. Sending love for you and yours always. I am so glad you are still here.

Erin

D'awwww. I had a few years where anxiety and depression took over and I know just what you mean, when you talked about how you can now tell the difference because you have experienced life without a&d. Me too. And I feel like that is such a huge thing... there is something about being able to keep your rational mind standing outside of it, like there is this little voice that says "oh hey, we know what this is. Deploy anti-anxiety hacks and remember this will pass." It's kind of amazing. Also, Ezra as an empath! Love it! I wish I'd known this about myself as a little kid, it would have explained SO MUCH. Lots of love to the Storch fam!

Stephanie

Happy you're here. :)

Elizabeth Miller

Right in the tear ducts. So glad that you are still with us. XOXOXOXO

Cheryl S.

Another good thing about all the brainz issues is that if one of the kids start going through the anxiety/depression spiral you will see it RIGHT AWAY. I've suffered from depression since forever and anxiety runs in my family, so when the anxiety monster reared it's ugly head with my daughter I was ALL OVER THAT getting her help.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well!

Amy A

Ezra the empath. I love this child so much. You’re doing great, mama. It’s good to hear the good days are outweighing the bad.

Dani

We are happy you're still here too! :)

Arnebya

I'm glad they're able to voice these thoughts TO YOU especially (because, you know, you're still here) but the gut punch, man, how the fuck do we get past that? And by we I mean you and me and the rest of allofus who have been through shit to give our kids reason to have to say they didn't like that time we were going through shit. I think back to my childhood and wonder when I got ok. When did I come to terms with the fuckedupness of growing up and seeing my parents be humans? When did I stop thinking all the time about that one time mom did ___________ and bringing it up randomly? And how? How?

(Separately, I still love and have Simon (full size and travel) and no one can beat me.)

Amelia Bowler

Oh God. I'm so glad you wrote down all those little quotes, because kids have a way of just laying it all bare. Like, Noah pointed out the maddening paradox of depression: I know, kid, it seems like we should be depressed "about" something but it's really just everything and nothing. Ezra offering gratitude and grace. Ike letting you know that just being there is enough. Well done guys. I hope you all become beautiful writers like your mom.

jwg

Years ago Simon had a way to disable the sound, I think. Try the manual. It's a great toy that helps with concentration and small motor development but I understand the wish to drown it or harm it in some way.

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