Hello from the flip side, yo. I am typing this post-surgery, from my phone, while on ALL THE MEDS IN THE WORLD.
Everything went well on Saturday, aside from the things that didn't, and I will spare you details because gross gross gross. (It involves the words "wear-at-home surgical drains" and "loss of suction" and oh dear, I believe I've said too much.) It's all good now though, and much less like a scene from Carrie. (AMY! SHUT UP!)
(I was sent home with something called an "ON-Q" pain relief system, in addition to a bazillion pills. It's basically an IV of local anesthetic housed in a spiffy little fanny pack I wear around my waist. Tres chic!)
It turned out that the umbilical hernia was far worse than expected. Very deep and much larger. The entire surgical team agreed that it was a very, very good thing to get corrected now, because that bitch was a total stealthy punk-ass troublemaker. (And it's the wound area that hurts the fucking most. Go figure.)
And the ear lump was a classic ol' cyst after all, not a lipoma. It's all gone now, being biopsied (not concerned about it), and the scar is strategically hidden under my hair. That area feels so much better, like a huge amount of pressure just popped like a balloon. I can't believe I was ever able to ignore it for so long.
AND FINALLY, an update on the awful tacky vain superficial part of it all - I cannot look at my stomach yet because it's just too gross and REAL, but I've been told I will be pleased. And my doctor pointed out (as all modesty is waaaay outside the window by now) that removing the heavy extra skin below gave me a free bonus mini-boob lift, and YES HOT DAMN. Those things nursed three babies and I'm happy for any success they achieve. They deserve it. Treat yo self, Amy's Boobs.
(Wow, yeah. Muscle relaxants, fanny pack meds and blogging are maybe not the best combo because I think my brain to typing fingers filter is passed out cold or just really drunk.)
This morning I managed to put socks on all by myself, have a cup of coffee, and give all the boys tentative side-hugs/kisses/annahighfives. Ike thinks my ear lump bandage is hilarious and keeps pointing and laughing at me and calling me Baymax. My MIL is helping out and when I got home from surgery Jason had flowers on my nightstand and the refrigerator stocked with all the matzoh ball soup I could possibly eat.
So I am doing well. I am very, very bored, but unfortunately have the attention span of a LOOK SQUIRREL!!! and tend to fall asleep every hour or so. I've spent about 45 minutes typing this (because PHONE) and welp, that's probably enough Internet for today.
Thanks for all the well wishes and understanding, y'all. More later, though hopefully not so...whatever this mess was.