And the Mondays Keep On Rolling

As a generally optimistic person (or just a naive dumbass), I naturally assumed that there was nowhere to go but up after the Monday morning clusterfuck. And yet I was in no way surprised when Tuesday morning kicked off promptly with Ike projectile vomiting at the breakfast table. I'd just smugly finished packing his bag for the day (INCLUDING HIS LUNCH GO ME) and turned around just to see it happen. An entire cup of milk, all over his nice clean bathing suit and matching(!) swim shirt, his chair, the floor, just everywhere. And so instead of a second day... Read more →


Yet Another Case of the Mondays

In retrospect, I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to schedule a doctor's appointment on the same morning Ike started summer camp. I mean, I can see it from the perspective of a normal human being, like: 1) Ike's summer camp is basically no different than Ike's preschool, except we walk in a different door to a different classroom. 2) The doctor's office is only five minutes away from Ike's summer camp. THEREFORE AND ERGO, it is perfectly reasonable to assume that I should easily be able to drop Ike off at 9:30 and be... Read more →


May the Overlords Have Mercy

So on the one hand, it's probably some form of public service to immediately let visitors know that yes, a crazy person lives here. On the other hand, I'm totally HA HA-ing myself, Nelson style right now. What a dork. Look at how it's trying to blend in with the furniture all casual-like. (I am also simultaneously fretting about the corner placement, because I bet they'd rather have it in front a window or sliding door. But then you don't even need to come inside to know that the pets run this bitch.) Beau is both casually ignoring the influx... Read more →


Blank the Dog

This morning Ike insisted on bringing his current-new-favorite-toy-ever in the car on the way to preschool. It's a crappy plastic toy from a Happy Meal (come at me bro) and also kind of creepy: It's the dog from Adventure Time, but his torso has been replaced with a rigid plastic spring. So he...kind of wobbles? You can...sort of stretch him out but not really that much? It's literally hours seconds of fun WTF! Now Ike has never seen Adventure Time. Noah went through a incredibly brief phase where he watched it, and we have at least one t-shirt and pajama... Read more →


The Dorks Awaken

At some point after Ike was born, I took a pretty big step back from the "blogosphere community." It was partly deliberate (newsflash: some people be crazy, or at least crazy exhausting, also I hate Twitter with the fire of All Of The Suns). But mostly I just didn't have the emotional or practical bandwidth for a ton of long-distance virtual friendships or conference hopping, and all the online gossip/cliquish-ness that occasionally plagues both. Too many kids and freelance gigs and loads of laundry to worry about imaginary Internet reputation points any more. So while once upon a time, 99%... Read more →


See Beau Run

So I casssssssually mentioned in Monday's post that Beau is a runner. That was...ever-so-slightly understating the situation by like, fourteen million words. His foster mom warned us about it: Keep him on the leash at all times outside, even within the fence. Don't open car doors until you've got a firm grip on it. Watch him around doors in the house, because he can bolt out like a flash. And the more you chase him, the faster and farther he'll go, because YAYAYAY THIS GAME IS FUN LET'S KEEP RUNNING FOREVER. Both Jason and I had dogs just like that... Read more →


Snakes on a Yellow House

This morning I successfully shooed a tiny baby snake off my front porch with a snow shovel. This afternoon I successfully gazed upon a squirming heaving pile of tiny baby snakes without losing my shit. Really growing as a person, over here, guys. I predict full-scale capable adulthood by the age of 55. So I never told this story, as it seemed unwise to write about at the time, but a couple weeks before we listed the townhouse for sale, I was straightening up the basement (AKA OBSESSIVELY DECLUTTERING AND FAKE STAGING) and discovered a huge wet spot on one... Read more →


The Game Changer That Wasn't

Late last week, in a fit of wine-induced TREAT YO SELF, I bought myself a light-up alarm clock. Specifically, this Phillips Wake-Up Clock mentioned in this Gizmodo post, which sings its life-changing praises. I have wanted one every since I read that post, but could never bring myself to spend $70 on a damn alarm clock. That's what phones are for. Or husbands. Or cats. Or any one of the three alarm clocks down the hall in my kids' rooms that they all regularly sleep through. But then I would go back and re-read that post, getting an almost inappropriate... Read more →


Your Questions, Answered, Using an Unnecessary Number of Words

I noticed a couple topic requests for Further Yakking About from the comments on the last post, and as I am in a procrastinating mood and have nothing better to yak about, let's do it: 1) The time-limit parental control thingie. Our kids used to solely play with our old, discarded iPhones. Plus an iPad that was technically still mine and I don't remember giving up custody but eventually it was chock full of nothing but kids' games and was always sort of sticky. I was never really happy with the parental control options in iOS. App purchases and downloads... Read more →


So That Went Well

Garages are so overrated. In my defense: 1) Our garage is a really, REALLY tight fit for the minivan, even with the mirrors closed. 2) The previous owners left a ton of shelving/storage crap in the garage that makes it even worse. 3) Today was literally the very first time I've even attempted to back a car out of a garage, ever, like in my entire life. 4) I was running late. 5) I forgot to make coffee. 6) I'm a virgin who can't drive. Anyway, it's been a great day for idiots doing idiotic things! I'm loving today! And... Read more →