We took the boys to a Christmas tree farm this weekend. We came home with a very beautiful tree, a bag of kettle corn, and a gigantic sticky puddle of spilled hot chocolate all over the minivan.
Have you ever gone on a family outing, taken a ton of pictures and then realized — once you were home — that basically every photo you took is an outtake, with somebody being a weirdo in every single shot? Just me?
Cheesy Facehole Board, Attempt #1:
From L to R: Ezra's making a pirate face, Noah's eyes are closed, my hulking shadow is distracting, and Ike is...
Oh, Ike is just LOVING this.
Cheesy Facehole Board, Attempt #2:
This time we have Suspicious Side Eye, Squinty Scrunch Face and Kid Who Smells Something Terrible.
Cheesy Facehole Board, Attempt #3:
I don't even know what's going on with Ike's face in this one. Either the sun was in his eyes or this is honestly what he thinks counts as a "smile" these days:
Cheesy Facehole Board, Attempt #4:
Ezra has now graduated to talking like a pirate, Noah is about to mime projectile vomiting because that's never NOT funny, and I think it just occurred to Ike that we're all pretending to be A BUNCH OF SEVERED HEADS IN A TREE.
Cheesy Facehole Board, Attempts #5-12:
(More of the same, minus additional points for at least one child removing his face from his facehole in every single shot.)
Group Photo in Front of Our Tree, Attempt #1:
Whoops, wait. Ike just fell down.
Group Photo in Front of Our Tree, Attempt #2:
Okay, now we've got closed eyes, kid not looking at the camera, another kid still pouting about that faceplant from 15 seconds ago, and a mother who can't properly frame up a shot to save her life.
Group Photo in Front of Our Tree, Attempts #3-5:
In which I did not realize Ike had such strong feelings about his mittens. Look at him. FUCK THESE MITTENS, he's thinking, while inexplicably tolerating a hat that is at least two sizes too big.
Ezra In the Tree Sled:
Actually, not a bad picture, although at this rate I'm never going to remember what he looked like at six years old without the big Theater Kid gestures. Also, this sled was covered in pine sap and it got all over his winter coat, something I didn't realize until this morning.
So one good photo = your child getting to be the "sticky one" at school later, and probably whispered about in the teachers' lounge, poor kid, where is his mother? I bet she's a lousy photographer too.
Jason Cutting Down Our Tree
Also not a bad picture, just a total lie. He'd gotten our tree completely cut down by the time Ezra and I returned with the sled, so he posed for a staged photo next to this other random, lesser tree. I'm telling you the truth because I love you and I don't like having secrets between us, Internets.
(So I guess I should also mention that I didn't even take the rest of these photos; I just swiped 'em off my dear husband's Facebook page.)
Ta-daaa! It's a tree with a bunch of crap on it. I will gaze upon it lovingly for about two weeks, at which point my love will turn into needle-and-sweeping-related rage, followed swiftly by ornament-removal tedium, and finally haul-to-the-curb-related misery.
Happy December, everybody!