The Continuing Adventures of Gimpy McGee

Not long after the Vet Bill of Unspeakable Horrors — I believe our credit card was still hot to the touch — Ceiba starting limping. Limping isn't a zero to X-ray thing with her, as Min Pins tend to have trick kneecaps (luxating patellas, if you wanna be all science-y about it). Ceiba's knees haven't bothered her in years, at least not as frequently as when she was a puppy, but I still assumed that was the problem and her kneecap would pop back into place on its own, as usual. When it didn't, I stretched and massaged it, then... Read more →


Things We Broke While On Vacation

1) The shower. Okay, first of all, you need to know something about our Ocean City vacations. We stay for free with Jason's great-aunt and great-uncle, who retired there. Who are very nice and gracious and welcoming, but also COMPLETELY KIND OF TERRIFYING. I mean, first, they're in-laws. Distant in-laws. That's baseline intimidating already. And all my in-laws have this quiet, measured, Germanic stoicism about them, which is the complete opposite of my family. We're a bunch of hand-talking Irish drunks with voice immodulation syndrome. Plus...well, they are very particular and set-in-their-ways and they keep their condo impeccably clean and... Read more →


Tequila Mockingpets

This is the last post of the Sauza sponsorship, and I apologize for both the semi-awkward timing and for...well. You'll see. In honor of the Sauza Fireman & Kitten Amazingness video, I ordered a twee little beret for my own animals. Oh, how funny that would be! They would look so dashing and jaunty! Like this! ZOMG. But alas, the beret, it was backordered. I was thwarted by upside-down supply/demand economics! A run on the kitty-beret market! Dump your orange juice futures and invest heavily in felt! I SHOULD HAVE STOLEN THAT PINK ONE I KNEW IT. So in desperation... Read more →


Masterfeces Theater Presents

Last night, while we were all enjoying a delicious dinner of grilled chicken chicken and ratatouille (well, except for Noah, who threatened to punch our house apart [WITH HIS FISTS!!!] if we ever made him eat such things again), I noticed a single, compact little turd had suddenly appeared on the floor next to the table. Now, the problem with having a cat and a very small dog is that it is literally impossible to tell their poop apart. And yes, this is a problem. One that we are very familiar with. Hey kids! Who wants to play another round... Read more →


SO MUCH NON-STOP CRAZY EXCITEMENT, Vol. 2

Fifth disease. Ezra has it. Now, if you're anything like me (read: insane), you hear the words "fifth disease" and think HOLY SHIT, DISEASE? THE FIFTH ONE? OUT OF HOW MANY? LIKE, ON A SCALE OF THE TOP TEN MOST TERRIBLE DISEASES YOUR PRESCHOOLER CAN GET? Not so much. It basically means: He had a cold, and then got a rash. Oh, and it looks like someone backhanded him across the face a couple times. No biggie. *** I recently ordered a retractable clothesline for our backyard, pledging to take my dirty hippitude to a new level: I was gonna... Read more →


CLEAN ALL THE THINGS

We have family coming to visit in about...oh, NOW. Family who have never actually been to our house, live and in person, since we moved here almost five years ago. Which means I have spent the last five hours FRANTICALLY trying to clean and organize everything so it actually looks like we've lived here for five years. Instead of...five hours. It's your lucky day, unlabeled box of mystery that we never unpacked because clearly your contents were never missed! You're finally getting unpacked moved to an out-of-the-way spot in the basement! They have a three-and-a-half year old little girl. So... Read more →


THINGS THAT ARE NOT CLOTH DIAPERS

THING #1: LIFE INSURANCE. WAIT WHAT? In perhaps the ultimate "try to make THIS topic interesting" challenge ever, the folks at Lifehappens.org asked me to contribute a blog entry about life insurance. How did I do? Don't answer that. But maybe just go read it? It's about Ceiba? Remember her? She remembers you. Aww, wookit. THING #2: SHOPPY SHOPPY SHOPPY And then! In perhaps the ultimate "Amalah can be bought very easily" example, Old Navy sponsored a series of posts over at Babble Voices about going shopping with your children. So I went shopping with my children. Then I wrote... Read more →


Dog, Thwarted

In which Ceiba is introduced to the new laminate floors in the basement... MY GOD WOMAN. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. WHAAAAAT HAVE YOU DONNNNNNE. MY VERY BEST FAVORITE CARPETED PEE SPOT! IT WAS RIGHT HERE! I WILL SEEK OUT RESPONSIBLE PARTY. THEN DESTROY. AHA! PREPARE TO BE SNIFFED AT FORCEFULLY. HMM. OKAY. HI. IS MAYBE NOT SUCH A BAD SORT AFTER ALL. WILL JUST GO UPSTAIRS TO POUT. WAIT A SECOND. WAT'S THIS? *** So that's been happening. Randy came and ripped up the hideously befouled carpet and put down laminate and my dog is all THERE IS NO TRACTION... Read more →


Dogged Determination

I got an email the other day from someone asking me if, by any chance, I was ALSO the author of a different blog. Like, a blog beyond any of the other four frillion sites I contribute to, maintained under someone else's name and life story, all sneaky-seekrit-identity-like. I cannot even imagine having the copious amounts of free time one would need to pull off something like that, and also the organizational skills. Like, is this the blog where I'm a boring suburban mother-of-two with a penchant for sucker-punching my readers in the vaginas at the end of every post,... Read more →


Quixotelah

So help me, I'm potty-training the baby. I KNOW. Okay, so far it's technically been more of an exploratory mission to gauge potential interest, but early results appear to be promising, though the paper towel usage readouts have been...lengthy. Also: damp. But still. I think we're on the verge of a breakthrough, because the kid's got heart. He's hungry. He wants it. Eyes on the big boy pants prize. His coach is just having a hard time with the fancy iPhone app she got to help her with the timing. Also: keeping her business/sports metaphors consistent. Obviously, this is not... Read more →