Go To The Mattress

I got my hair done last weekend. I'd gotten it into my head that I wanted to go back to blonde, and so I did. I don't want to talk about it. (I don't liiiiiike iiiiiit. It's just not me anymore. I'm no more a natural blonde than I am a natural redhead — at least any shade of blonde anyone would actually want, unless you dig a blonde so ashy and washed out you look like you've gone gray. "Dishwater blonde," I believe it would be called if it came in a box. But of course it doesn't come in a box, because it's a terrible color. So I got blonde highlights over it and tried to give it a few days to grow on me and I think it looks fake and try-hard and wait, I said I don't want to talk about it.) ANYWAY. Moving on. This... Read more →


Back in May, we had another lovely family photo session with the lovely Wendy of Blue Lily Photography. Our shoot was in Rock Creek Park in the early evening, so we decided to head into the city a little early and get dinner at our favorite pizza spot. We all got dressed up, spruced up, and made it to the restaurant just in time to beat the dinner rush and snag a big table in the back. As soon as we sat down, I surveyed my dapperly dressed offspring and was like, oh, shit. I'd had them all wear their nice collared shirts to dinner, and I'd brought zero back-up outfits in case of a spill or other disaster. And by "disaster," I mean "thing that basically happens every single meal of our lives, and is as predictable as the moon and the stars and U R AN IDIOT, AMY."... Read more →


As of this morning, Ike's snowpants still had the tags attached. Even though they are snowpants that I myself did not even buy, but were handed down unworn from my nephew several years ago, and were originally intended for Ezra. I'm happy to say those snowpants finally got put to some good, heavy-duty use. This was Ike's first "real" time out playing in "real" snow. As in, snow that's more than a heavy dusting, and not half-melted by the time we got our collective acts together to get out in it. I think he's napped though every other play-in-the-snow opportunity this winter. This time, though. 15 inches! Enough to just open the front door and toss him into the nearest drift. It's safe to say he's a fan. Ezra, on the other hand, originally spent less time out in the snow than I spent getting him dressed for the snow,... Read more →


The DC metro area was pounded over the weekend with like...I dunno. A couple inches of snow and a coating of slushy stuff. So naturally it was time to 1) panic, 2) BUY ALL THE BREAD, 3) CANCEL ALL THE SCHOOLS, and 4) realize how poorly outfitted my children are for winter weather. I have a huge plastic bin full of snow pants, snow boots and other snow-related accessories. Most of the stuff inside still has the tags attached, since I apparently have the ability to control the weather. If I buy my kids boots and snow pants ahead of time, all proactive-like, it will not snow that winter. I'm like the Snow Queen from Frozen, only in reverse and more shoppy. I wave my magic hands in the direction of a 40% off outerwear sale and BOOM. We will not see snow or ice again until my children have... Read more →


Once upon a time, approximately one and a half hours ago, I posted the following photo to Instagram: And yes, I posted it from my car, which is of course a terrible horrible no-no thing to do, though in my defense I posted it while the car was sitting still in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Completely, terribly, horribly no-no-no-OH-FUCK still. (I also used the microphone thing-y to transcribe the caption. SAFETY FIRST.) When I left my house to pick Ike up from school, the info screen informed me that I had 11 miles to go before empty. Ike's school is about four miles away, with a gas station smack dab in the middle. So we cool, Info Screen Bro. We cool. TWENTY MINUTES LATER, I arrived at Ike's school — over 10 minutes late and completely baffled by the traffic I'd just sat through. It's noon! On a Thursday! The government isn't... Read more →


I have written (many, many times) already about my love/hate relationship with the zoo. Here's the Tl;dr summary... THINGS I LOVE ABOUT GOING TO THE ZOO: 1) The idea of going to the zoo. THINGS I HATE ABOUT GOING TO THE ZOO: 2) Everything else. But today I am happy to report that I have done it. I have SOLVED THE ZOO. I solved the zoo by not actually going to the zoo, but instead getting my hair cut (and various patches of body hair forcibly yanked out, because TREAT YO SELF) while my crazy husband took our children to the zoo. All three of them. By himself, alone, with just his two measly arms and two puny eyeballs. Just...cuz. I dunno. He just woke up Saturday morning and decided to take them to the zoo. He took our double stroller, some bug spray, two diapers, half a package of... Read more →


For our anniversary, we did our typical thing of better parenting through abandonment (patent pending) and once again left the boys with the grandparents while we got a hotel room in D.C. and did all sorts of scandalous things like SLEEP IN and READ BOOKS and BUY ALLERGY MEDICINE AT CVS. Back when we were first married, we would sometimes talk about how we would celebrate the big milestone-type anniversaries. We were VERY ambitious: I think we decided that at 10 years we'd throw a big party and renew our vows at a vineyard (on top of a mounnntain), and at 15 years we'd go to Italy. Then the actual milestones come up and we're like, what? We barely tolerated our original wedding, why did we think we'd ever feel some buring desire to do that again? And while a trip to Italy still sounds pretty awesome...well, The Book of... Read more →


So remind me to tell you about the time AB Chao bought me a shot of bourbon and drunk-dialed Heather Armstrong. And then promptly shoved the phone at my drunken ass while I shrieked in panic. I JUST WANTED A PICTURE. YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE. Later, I burst into drunken tears at the table while explaining to all the other lovely DC Design Camp attendees how AB and I know each other because you guys. You guyyyyyyssss. This. This right here. This lady and you people and the Internet and blogging and the ENTIRE PATH OF MY LIFE, plus also the universe and everything. Yes. I am very fun at parties. Always bring a towel, mostly because I will definitely spill something. (Yesterday it was coffee. I got up mid-session to refill my coffee and unscrewed the lid on an apparently still very full to-go container and coffee just... Read more →


Well, which IS it, Cereal Box? WHICH IS IT? Not all black and white? Or pretty black and white. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. STOP TOYING WITH ME. Especially in light of the National Zoo's devastating loss of the newborn panda cub this weekend. Which: No joke or snark, I am UPSET. I am feeling genuine feelings of feelingsosity and I don't like it. This goes against every word I've ever written about The Fucking Zoo and how it Fucking Sucks because it's Outside and Full Of Nature and Pooping Things and also Uphill In Every Possible Direction. But there it is. I am really terribly sad and bummed about the poor tiny wittle baby panda and the poor sad mama panda and DAMMIT, NATURE. YOU REALLY ARE THE WORST. Also the worst: Me, for deciding to tell Noah about the baby panda yesterday morning, while he pondered the... Read more →


This post is sponsored by Kraut Rocks I've written about the semi-complicated process of sponsored posts. I love them, I need them, I also kind of fear them because I tend to overthink them. What if the client hates it? What if you guys hate it? Cue the self-doubt-fueled writer's block gaaaaahhhhhhhhh. But then sometimes a sponsored post comes along that involves hanging out with an old friend, gossiping, drinking beer and cooking mussels and hot dogs and sauerkraut over an open flame on a bar counter wait WHAT. There's a month-long sauerkrautaganza going on in D.C. right now called Kraut Rocks. Top Chef's Spike Mendolsohn is the host and several other local chefs are featuring their take on sauerkraut on their menus. I was asked to write a post about it. Amy's Mouth: Sure! Why not? Amy's Brain: Why not? You mean other than the little fact that you... Read more →