I have no idea what to write about, because I am having troubled coming up with any string of words or letters or even basic sounds that would come close to what life is like around my house right now. This is the closest I've been able to come: GAHGAHAGHAHFOSDLHJKAWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (needsmoreEEEEEE)KJALZPP;A,K293,A,NA,N>>>"*@#&DKJN I should copy/paste that so I can have it handy for the next person who asks, "So how's it going?" The house is almost ready to sell. Once the dishwasher get repaired tomorrow, because OF COURSE the dishwasher choose this very moment to break. (But it's fixable! And we are getting it fixed! Have no fear, prospective homebuyers. It just needed some little hose-y part replaced and we have ordered a top-of-the-line little hose-y part and will have it professionally repaired by a licensed and bonded hose-y part expert. Spared no expense! We also refinished the deck!) In the... Read more →

It's been one of those days/weeks when personal blogging feels especially self-absorbed. I have news coverage from South Carolina open in all my other browser tabs and then I come HERE and like...what do I even write about? The biggest problem I encountered all week is that we're down to only one working iPhone charger so Jason and I are constantly fighting for custody of it, and I ordered a few more but they haven't arrived yet because the next-day shipping from Amazon Prime is taking soooooo looooonnnnnng yoouuuuuuu guuuuuuuyyyyyysssssss. Yeah. Okay, self. I guess I'll just post some pictures and try to think about things that are not terrible. This week's "Are We Really Moving Or Is Jason Just Pulling An Elaborate Prank On Amy To Get Her To Clean Shit Up" project was organizing the shelves in the basement. This, believe or not, is the "AFTER" and is... Read more →

So we are maybe starting to hypothetically think about moving. Again. Deep down, I know how this will end: We spend a few months purging and cleaning and powering through the house repair/improvement to-do list, completely exhausting ourselves, then tour a couple houses that cost a bajillion more dollars than we can afford that also need like, a roof and floors and kitchen cabinets and ERMAHGERD THERE'S UGLY WALLPAPER EVERYWHERE, and then we look at each other and decide you know what? Let's just stay put for a little while longer. But now Jason's on a new long-term project at work that has rendered our super-convenient/central location irrelevant, because he's driving for hours every day. We have new neighbors in the rental next door who are sloooooowly driving us insane in a myriad of first-world-problem ways. We still have all the same old complaints about space/privacy/townhouse living as ever, plus... Read more →

Remember that time we painted a chalkboard wall in our kitchen? Remember how nice it looked at first? Yeah, me neither. From top to bottom: 1) Our grown-up behavior chart, which was abandoned (on a Wednesday, apparently) a good six months ago. 2) The ghostly remains of an Ike/Ezra behavior chart, which only tracked one behavior, which was Get Out Of Bed In The Morning And Put Clothes On Without Mom Losing Her Shit At You. There are zero stars awarded to either, so Ezra helpfully wrote "Ty" a couple times to keep us up-to-date on who was "winning." 3) A very pretty flower that I think our babysitter drew. No one in this household has those skillz. 4) I don't know who drew all those boobs around the light switch. Wasn't me. 5) Assorted scribbles and doodles. Ike says they are "battle machines." Ezra drew a "calendar" for Ike... Read more →

I don't mean to alarm anyone here, but apparently Thanksgiving is like, really super soon. I know, right? THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION. EVERYBODY PANIC. But it really did JUST occur to me this morning, and yet here I sit, tappity tap tapping on the glowy Internet box instead of getting my house somewhat company acceptable or making grocery lists or reminding my husband for the millionth that it's his turn to pick up the turkey at the farm, because every year I go, I time it wrong and arrive right when the line is at its most insane. Then I typically lose five hours of my life and at least one child. (The obvious solution of buying a previously frozen turkey instead of a fresh one, however, is completely unacceptable to me and I would thank you all to shut your whore mouths about it. Let me be alone... Read more →

The time has come to bid a fond, final farewell to the beloved, fantastical, fucked-up Isle of Sodor. Our neighbors threw a party this past weekend and I met a mom who lives down the street. A mom with a little boy; a little boy who was running around with trains in both hands and determined to make every other non-train item he encountered (toy cars, carrot sticks, a dog) into choo-choos. She was very pregnant. I sensed weakness. "Sooooooooooo have you guys bought any Thomas trains for him yet?" BAM. DONE. All our trains are belong to you, now. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY TRAINS. Despite being SO SURE that investing in a bajillion miles of train track was a worthwhile plan because "every kid we have will play with them!", it didn't really work out. Ezra was only mildly interested in them, while Ike could not care less... Read more →

So this finally, officially happened. Friends of ours are expecting and took the crib away this weekend, which was a weird mix of "aww" and "good riddance, giant heavy-ass thing we never use anymore." We've had that crib in our house for about nine full years, and while it wasn't always in constant use for nine full years, we at least had plans in place to fill it with another baby eventually. So it stayed up and assembled the whole time. No plans. No babies. Smell ya later, crib. This isn't really an official "after" photo of Noah's tiny new room, since it only reflects what we accomplished in a single weekend, which isn't much. Wait, no: We accomplished 1) going to Ikea to purchase this bed/desk combo, 2) reveling in the fact that ALL THREE of our children are height/age eligible for the children's area, 3) getting paged back... Read more →

So here's what you missed, during the Great Blog Outage of a Few Days of 2014: Me as a real-time walking exhibit of Pinterest Fail, because I decided to get obsessive over Easter eggs for some reason. Easter is not my holiday jam. I always forget about it, and when it comes on the heels of a week-long break from school I'm generally just sort of over life in general. My own mom used to go All Out for Easter — baskets were like a mini-Christmas morning! there was a cake shaped like a bunny and a big fancy meal and candy freaking everywhere omg candy candy candy! — so I'm not sure what happened. I suck at it. (Maybe because my love of holidays now is firmly carb- and entree-driven and I'm just not really that into ham.) Before spring break, Ezra's preschool class dyed Easter eggs, once again... Read more →

Ceiba has decided that she will no longer eat Floor Cheerios. This is a real problem, actually. This is the equivalent to a Roomba suddenly deciding that it will only vacuum up certain kinds of dust bunnies, and deliberately navigating itself around the other kind. This basically goes against her understood Prime Directive as a dog in a house with small children: Help me keep my damn floors clean. She's done an excellent job, historically. Every time we travel without her I invariably have a moment of profound befuddlement after our first meal, as I survey the mess under the high chair or table, wondering who the hell is supposed to clean that up? And then: Oh. Right. We're roughing it! How primitive! But now, she will not touch the Cheerios. Or the Trader Joes' Os. Or the Generic Big Ass Bag o' Osie Os. Honey nut, multi grain, whatever.... Read more →

Schools canceled. Snow day number 4,239. (Approximately. I've lost track.) I'd say we're officially out of ideas around here, but that would imply that we ever had any ideas in the first place. We've built a lot of pilow forts and LEGO, bothered the neighbor kids and been bothered right back, and the house is covered with a fine dusting of dried-out Play Doh bits. Yes, we've played in the snow, read some books and colored a lot of pictures, but mostly — if I'm being honest here — their time gets spent around the kitchen counter, wearing pajamas and eating an endless, absent-minded breakfast for HOURS AND HOURS, while the sounds of discordant cartoons and games bleat out from various screens. GOOD MORNING EZRA. CAN YOU LOOK HERE? NO? HELLO? HOW YOU DOING, IKE? IKE? IKE? *MUFFLED ANGRY BIRDS THEME SONG* Are their brains melting? Probably. But mostly I... Read more →