I'm Sure This Will All Go Fine & Be Super Okay

(PRAY FOR US IN OUR MISGUIDED DIY HOUR OF NEED.) Also, since my site was utterly borked post-Halloween I couldn't post any photos, but figured the ones I'd posted to FB/Instagram were all anybody would be interested in but APPARENTLY NOT so here are some Halloween pics which are now positively ancient in social media years but I have to go deal with that tile up there and also end this goddamn sentence already. Ike's face. IKE'S FAAAACE. Please note the addition of white tissue paper to the eyes of this Steve from Minecraft costume. This is because Noah is Herobrine, NOT Steve, and if you understand what I'm talking about here I can only say, I'm sorry. Bluen dressed up in my old Cabbage Patch doll's cowgirl outfit and went trick-or-treating with us. (Translation: I carried a stuffed bear in cowgirl clothing around the neighborhood all night while her boots fell off approximately 400 million times.) Ezra and Ike were positively insistent that I dress as Black Widow to complement their Avengers costumes. (Somehow Jason escaped being asked to be Thor.) I was like, okay, I can be fun, ordered some cheap-o Age of Ultron polyester thing from Amazon... Read more →

Like Watching Paint Dry

Our original plan for the kitchen was to keep everything expensive (or labor-intensive) as neutral as possible, and then have some fun with the cheaper, easy-to-swap out elements. Like the wall color! We were going to go EARTHY and BOLD and SPICY, like we were a TACO BELL CRUNCHINATOR SUPREME up in here. It sounded good in theory, but after bringing home a variety of BIG BOLD colors and testing them out on several walls around the kitchen, they looked less like "fun pops of color" and more like "drunk uncle vomiting Skittles all over his Tommy Bahama." (Somebody get me a job naming paint colors. I will give them super-specifically accurate names so no one will ever come home with a can of "Elderwood Green" and discover that it's more of a "Slimer From Ghostbusters.") None of the colors were technically hideous on their own (the kids are still so mad about us not going with that orange in the middle it's probably going to end up in the dining room), but they. Did. Not. Look. Good. In this kitchen. Especially since we went a little bigger and blacker with the chalkboard walls this time -- the bright paint... Read more →

Let There Be Light at the End of This Tunnel

We have lights! (Well, two of them. We're converting the light over the sink next, and probably swapping the hanging fixture on the other side at some point.) We said a happy farewell to the big fluorescent plastic box of dead bug corpses yesterday and put these industrial-ish style fixtures up, which may or may not have been chosen primarily because there is no place for bugs to crawl inside and die. Also, Edison bulbs are warm and glowy and happy-making. These were actually the very first fixtures I looked at and was like, "BAM THOSE," but then the dude supervising the remodel told me no, those are too big, you want something smaller. And so I've spent the last couple weeks searching for a smaller alternative, while this particular fixture followed me all around the internet via programmatic advertising. Finally I just went WHATEVA I DO WAT I WANT I'M A LIGHTING REBEL and ordered them. They are NOT too big. And even if they are, I don't care, because I MADE A DECISION!!!!!1! I am also !!!!!!!1!!!ELEVENTY! excited to have a working sink and dishwasher again. Although: Whoops. Today the rest of the cabinet hardware gets installed and... Read more →

Kitchen, Hair & Spiderman's Hot New Look

We have counters! In real life the counters have a bit more brown/putty color in them and the floors have more gray, so it all ties together in a really nice neutral-as-shit boring way. But I still have some lingering pain from our house-hunting days when we're walk into a (clearly expensive as hell) remodeled kitchen that was chock full of...um...interesting design choices. Things we do NOT have: 1) The back panel for the peninsula because mystery. 2) Non-hideous lighting because I only just finally made up my mind. 3) The correct cabinet for this spot (it was supposed to be drawers for pots and pans, not doors) because we needed SOMETHING to go wrong and hold up everything else on this list, including getting the fridge out of the dining room. 4) A functioning dishwasher, sink or disposal because of that damn cabinet. 5) Cabinet hardware because of that fucking piece of shit cabinet. 6) A useless desk in this spot, sized for a hobbit. (This is a good thing.) 7) A pantry door because backordered. The (asshole) cabinet should be in this week, at which point the crew will come back and knock out all the remaining loose... Read more →

Palettes and Pallets

We have floors! And a full set of cabinets! Including one that is wrong and needs to be re-ordered! (Arrived with doors instead of drawers, nobody noticed at first because we were simply blinded with joy over having cabinets again.) Now we're just waiting on the countertops and new light fixtures to arrive, and to settle on a paint color. We went to the paint store yesterday, because for some reason we mistook ourselves for Confident Proactive Decision Makers and thought we'd be able to pick out not only a color for the kitchen, but an entirely new color scheme for the entire main level of the house. We'd start with the kitchen and then move into the dining room, living room, the foyer and all the various big ass walls and we'd come home with a whole slew of paint and FUCK YEAH HOME IMPROVEMENT. Instead, we were promptly overwhelmed with all the choices and frustrated by our inability to remember/recognize any of the paint colors we liked from the old house. (Although the million barely different shades of yellow-ish beige that tormented our touch-up/patching efforts for nine damn years are still all seared into my brain, probably forever.)... Read more →

Of Cabinets & Cat Pee, aka a really weird hodgepodge of a post

We have (some) cabinets! That was as of last night, actually. By the time I left to take Ike to school we already had a few more, and the foyer looked like it was getting the final prep for tile. IT'S ALL HAPPENING. It turns out getting your kitchen remodeled is a bit like being pregnant. "How long will it take?" is the new "So what's your birth plan?" and then everybody really just wants to talk about how they were in labor for 175 hours before an unmedicated breech birth and also THEIR kitchen remodel started five years ago and STILL isn't done, so ha ha good luck with your "two to three weeks" and also your vaginal delivery. So far, so good, is all I can and will say. It probably helps that we're not doing any major structural changes, and also that the house isn't that old so we're free of the "WHOOPS THAT'S A LOAD BEARING WALL THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT BEARING THE LOAD" snafus you get with older (or previously remodeled but maaaaybe not done very well) houses. (Our old condo in the city was built as a dormitory for war workers in the... Read more →


So as it turns out, the "putting shit back together" phase of the kitchen remodel is EVERY BIT AS LOUD AND IRRITATING as the initial "smashing shit to hell" phase. It's just a bit more rhythmic and water torture-y. The crew's been installing cement board since Saturday, and it's like: jangling of nails DRILLLLZZZZZTTTT jangling of nails DRILLLLZZZZZTTTT jangling of nails DRILLLLZZZZZTTTT ...for hours and hours on end. Our children are handling the chaos and noise just as I expected, which is terribly. Even though I'd generally describe the breakfast time decibel level around here as OMG WHY ARE YOU ALL SO LOUD STOP YELLING HERE PUT MORE FOOD IN YOUR FACE HOLES I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE YET, they are all suddenly very Downton Abbey about their morning meal being disrupted by construction noise. Covering their ears and expecting me to DO SOMETHING about it, they cannot CONCENTRATE on the important task of eating an entire box of Corn Flakes in a single morning, also, where are the WAFFLES, Jeeves? In the freezer, staying frozen, because the toaster is in the family room and I don't feel like walking that far. much dismay and dramatic weeping We planned to spend... Read more →

Demolition Derby

HELLO HAPPY FRIDAY! HOW ARE YOU? ANY PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND? SORRY YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK LOUDER BECAUSE OH MY GOD THE NOISE. THE NOOOOOOIIIIIIIISSSSSSE. (Speakers on for that link to join in my misery and also Ike's amazing napping prowess, particularly for a child who was #NOTTIRED.) So. Day one resulted in some terrifically smashy progress. (Small dog gazing woefully at pantry wondering where her foodz went included for scale.) (Also someone tell me what to do about that center light, besides banish it to the depths of Bad Lighting Hell, obviously. Basic recessed lighting? A couple cool flush mount fixtures that I suppose exist but have been unable to find myself, at least for not an insane amount of money?) So as it turns out, the tile was not original to the house after all, but was installed at some point later, over a layer of plywood, which was then liquid nailed over some SUPER ATTRACTIVE peel-and-stick linoleum. Getting through all these layers of flooring is taking considerable effort and jackhammering and pulverizing and again, SO MUCH GODDAMN NOISE. Shit is starting to fall off walls in the basement, or migrate towards shelf edges, so yeah. Really... Read more →

And So It Begins

So after finally unpacking (most of) the boxes and fully settling into the new digs, we decided it was high time to re-pack everything in the kitchen and blow some shit to smithereens. The kitchen was...obviously not a big selling point/major attraction for Yellow House. Everything is original and builders' grade, the floor tile is cracked, and there's just a lot of wear and tear on the cabinets and countertop. Sagging shelves, warped hinges, chips and scrapes. We knew going in that we needed to factor a kitchen remodel into our offer and budget. (Also could never figure out who, exactly, that SUPER LOW desk was intended for, as no chair or stool we own is the appropriate height. It's a desk for ants!) We also knew we were NOT going to do that thing where we waited and waited to do anything, only to invest in improvements right before we needed to move. We keep doing that. Stop doing that! Old Kitchen of Bland Blahness is getting demo'd to hell today. New Kitchen of...well, probably still Bland Blahness but at least more of a this century variety, with less floor cracks/Haunted Tiles and a countertop that's dark enough to... Read more →

Three Important But Hopefully Unrelated Things

1) We signed the contract and placed a deposit on a kitchen remodel yesterday! Sadness Kitchen of Bland Blahness will soon be no more, although it only JUST occurred to us that oh, this means we have to pack up everything in the kitchen AGAIN and live out of boxes and on crappy takeout food AGAIN. Pfft. NOTE: We are not doing any of it ourselves, nope nope nope sirree, other than a modest project of relocating some of the cabinets to the garage. This hopefully means the remodel go mostly smoothly, with only about a 75% chance of disaster, like us causing the back wall of the garage* to collapse in on the laundry room. The thing I am MOST looking forward to, actually, is replacing the floor tile, which extends from the kitchen all the way to the front door, and is similarly blah but pretty cracked up in places, and also possessed by a vengeful rage spirit from an early 2000s remake of a J-horror movie starring Buffy the Vampire Slayer. FACT. On our very first night in the new house (during which we MAY or MAY NOT have been residing there 100% legally), I woke up... Read more →