Scenes From the Before

Since our move did not, exactly as planned, or even remotely smoothly, I ended up skipping over a whole slew of stuff that happened BEFORE everything went sideways/haywire/to shit. Thanks to a certain super helpful competent way good at their jobs relocation company (who I was giving the chance to privately make a few things right before publicly outing them but ha ha ha yeah that never happened thanks so much CARTUS CARTUS CARTUS), I was unable to enroll Noah and Ezra in their new school until just a few days before school started. Certainly not ideal, but amazingly I was far from the only parent who showed up that day with multiple kids and new county residency paperwork in tow. I handed over my triple-checked stacks of required documentation for my particular children, and then got to work filing out what felt like a million additional forms while the boys slowwwwwwwly slid off their chairs and into little whiny boredom puddles. About 15 minutes later, Noah's birth certificate vanished. Like: POOF. It never existed. I was told I never handed it to anyone, could I please get that to them, which hahahahahahahaha yeah no except I totally already... Read more →

Well I Don't Know What I Was Expecting

I spent most of Sunday tackling the kids' toys. I sorted stuff into baskets and bins and organized everything into these two (amazing! deep! illuminated!) closets in the basement. And I mean ORGANIZED. The contents of the play kitchen may or may not be sorted by FOOD GROUP. So, naturally, five minutes later... That was ALL IKE, by the way. Two-plus years of Montessori education in action, yo. Luckily, it was a pretty quick and painless clean-up thanks to the bins! bins! I am obsessed with bins!!, and Ike and I had good long talk about playing with ONE THING AT A TIME and with less of an...aggressively nuclear kind of play style. (Not pictured: the play kitchen at the end of that hallway, dumped completely over on a pile of defeated Ninja Turtle villains.) My next project was setting up some bookshelves in the kids' bedroom hallway, so they can pick books out before bed. And it actually looked JUST LIKE THIS for almost a full hour. That's a damn personal household best. Read more →

The Unpackening

Okay! First week in the new house! Who's ready for some amazeballs interior decorating p0rn? LOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLL Yeah, that's what's going on in almost every room right now. This particular pile is directly outside my office in the basement level, nearly barricading me in. We packed up about half of the old house ourselves, then had the movers come handle the rest of it. They did a great job, but perhaps went a little overboard on the packing paper to actual box contents ratio. Like I don't think my hairbrush and a random pile of already-broken crayons needed to each be separately wrapped in several layers of paper. One box I unpacked contained nothing but one laptop charger, a roll of cloth waxing strips , and a bag of cotton balls. Carefully and preciously individually wrapped, of course. So it's a bit frustrating that the more we unpack, the more of a mess builds up. We've been dragging boxes and paper out to the garage (where there is no room for our cars yet, only boxes and paper), but for the most part the house doesn't yet reflect how hard we've been working all week to settle in. (Especially because if... Read more →

The Move That Almost Wasn't

Welp. It's been a week, all right. As you probably gathered from Instagram/Facebook, our move did not exactly go as planned. In fact, in the span of about an hour on Friday afternoon, things went from moving along with near military-like precision to a complete and total clusterfuck. I've relayed the events and details over text message about 500 times since then, I estimate, and I always include something like "someday this will make a great/funny story, but right now I just caaaaaan't." I'm still not sure we're at "someday" yet, but I guess I can try. On Friday morning, my in-laws arrived at the hotel we'd spent the night at and took the kids and pets so we could head to settlement on the townhouse. The plan was for them to head to Yellow House and hang out in the backyard, have a picnic lunch, and possibly let the movers in if they arrived before we got back from the second settlement. (We'd been graciously given the garage door code by the owners ahead of time.) Settlement #1 went off without the slightest hitch. We were in and out in under 20 minutes, congratulated our lovely buyers and that... Read more →

A Brief Update

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ZOMGZOMGZOMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFG AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JJJJJJASUOJLAOWPPNKJLLJLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND ETCETERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Headed out to finalize some school stuff today. Movers coming to finish packing tomorrow. (Oh god bless them I don't care just take our money and hellllllllp usssssss.) Loading the trucks and cleaning and saying goodbye to the townhouse on Thursday. Night in a hotel, then back-to-back settlements and moving into Yellow House on Friday. At least, that was the plan as of 10 minutes ago, and the plan has changed at least a dozen times this week. So ready for this to all be over, Internet. So, so ready. Read more →

Eight Crazy Days

This is where a blog post should go. This is where I should be typing something of substance, or at least stringing words together in a somewhat coherent manner, to create said blog post. Instead, my brain is reduced to nothing but a string of letters, onomatopoeia style, as I am completely overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done before the move. Which is NEXT WEEK. When did that happen? The last time I checked I still had like, three weeks to go. What the ever-loving FUCK, oh ye relentless ongoing march of time? Can you just chill for a second? I toured a couple preschools earlier this week, one of which had the word "Montessori" in it but then I showed up and was like, "you keep using that word, blah blah tired Princess Bride quote, NOPE." Another one was really excessively Jesus-y. I'm going back early next week to tour another one that seems only moderately Jesus-y. Oh, and to enroll Noah and Ezra in the public school, with LESS THAN A WEEK TO GO BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. Surprise! Scooch over and make some room for the Storch boys, kids. We chose our crazy short-slash-ambitious closing date... Read more →

First Look at the Yellow House

Hi, Yellow House! (Yellow House be all, "Does this minivan make me look fat?") We had our inspection yesterday, and didn't really have much choice but to bring the kids along. They'd never been inside (we kept the car running, DVDs playing, snacks flowing during the house-hunting days, probably spending as much on gas as we would've blown on a sitter), and while there's always the nubbin of worry that the whole sale can find a way to go south, we were reasonably confident that it was okay to introduce them to the Yellow House. (The relocation company JUST had an inspection completed last month and gave us the report. So we weren't expecting to find any disasters or deal-breakers, and our own inspector did not! You go, Yellow House!) We started in the backyard. A very good first impression. There's also a sandbox, kid-sized picnic table AND a tire swing. And a hutch for bunnies. (NO BUNNIES PLZ.) Young townhouse-dwelling minds were BLOWN. Since I know so many of you have been like PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS, I must add a caveat here that I didn't really take the greatest blog-friendly photos yesterday. Most of what I snapped were more... Read more →

The Search for the Yellow House

The first thing you do when looking for a new house, of course, is to write down all the features you want. And then divide these into categories of "must haves" and "would be nice." It's important to be realistic here, and recognize that it's unlikely that any house will have everything on your list, and be prepared to compromise. As an example, our original list was probably something like this: MUST HAVES: 1) Single family 2) 4-5 bedrooms, with a spot for an office 3) 2-car garage 4) On a cul de sac 5) Private yard 6) Space for a garden 7) How about a pool? 8) How about a HOT TUB? 9) How about a HOT TUB TIME MACHINE! 10) Sweet-ass kitchen from the future, completely redone, with stupid shit like a sink just for filling up pots of pasta water and fancy moving shelves in the cabinets and I don't know, Bluetooth-enabled microwaves. 11) Also a gas range 12) Sweet-ass master bathroom with a giant jacuzzi tub that I can swim laps in 13) A MILLION CLOSETS! 14) Kids rooms that aren't right by my room 15) Also a door that actually locks 16) New roof, windows,... Read more →

Stuff Just Moves Itself, Right?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII So that's like, my primary operating state right now. I'm trying to write and work, keep kids fed and somewhat entertained, get all kinds of paperwork in order for schools and loans and god knows what else. And then the thoughts of I should pack I should pack I should pack creeps in. So I do that thing where you grab a box and are like, I am going to pack up everything in this room right now!, only the first box is full before you've even cleared off a small shelf. So you get another box, and that fills up just as quickly and there's still no visible progress being made and everything that's not a book is awkward and pointy and doesn't fit in the box AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII. (The full extent of my packing progress.) (Yes, we are getting estimates for both moving and packing. I have no idea how we'll pay for packing but I'm not really sure it's optional at this point. How much plasma can a human donate in three and a half weeks?) As soon as the home inspection was over* and the house OFFICIALLY did not need to be "show-ready," things immediately devolved... Read more →

Our Life in CAPS LOCK

So we have some news. We made an offer on a house yesterday morning. (A yellow one, obviously.) It was a lowball offer, but I wrote the sellers a letter, which apparently made a huge difference. (Go meeeeeee!) They countered, we accepted, we close on August 21. (And now you know where we're moving, if you can make it out through all the screaming.) (And yeah, my child is in his underwear because he doesn't have any clean pajamas. Because his parents haven't done a single blessed load of laundry in weeks. That was probably the last time I bothered to makeup on, too. What of it? We found us a house, bitches!) Read more →