The Three Wise Hams

This week has been a messy bitch of early school closings, delayed school openings, and our first kid semi-down for the count with a cold. I believe making it illness-free until January is a family best, though, so go us! It shall now ping-pong around our household for the next week and a half, with at least two of us getting stuck with a persistent dry cough until April. IT IS OUR WAY. Also our way. Best not to question it. In other photos-in-search-of-a-blog-post news, Jason recently got the chance to take Ezra (and Hobbes, natch) to his very first Ravens game. (I've called dibs on everybody's first Broadway musical; Jason claimed all the sportsball and Monster Truck Jams.) The weather wasn't great but they stuck it out for the full game -- it helped that our team actually won, but really the key to holding Ezra's interest in any live sporting event is to simply keep feeding him. (It also helps to have seats with views of the cheerleaders, apparently.) Thumbs-up and bunny ears to some quality Dadding, right there. Ezra had a blast. Ike felt a little left out -- the tickets were free from a friend who... Read more →


Um. Brr.

It's currently 11 degrees outside (-1 with windchill), but apparently that's downright balmy compared to what a lot of ya'll are currently dealing with, as we're at least not digging ourselves out from piles of snow and/or frozen iguanas. We're mostly just piling on the layers*, gathering around the fireplace, and basking in the warming glow of some good ol' fashioned Fire and Fury, along allllll the schadenfreude-y popcorn our doomed planet currently has to offer. Here we are preparing to make the one block trek up to the bus stop. We made it as far as our driveway before I was like, fuck this bullshit, get in the car, we're driving. Sorry again, planet. *This includes a heavy layer of warm-body-seeking cats and dogs** at all times. **This weather justifies the purchase of some absolutely ridiculous pet sweaters Y/N? Read more →


The Morning After

Merry Day-After Christmas! Please enjoy this random assortment of child-like, hammy joy. (We take our PJ game very seriously around here, if you couldn't tell.) Our dining room is now Lego assembly central, while Ezra put his MasterChef Junior Breakfast Cooking Set to good use this morning and made French toast with a side of burning the house down, as he decided to get started without 1) waiting for me to wake up or 2) actually reading the enclosed recipe card. Be safe out there, kids. Read more →


Mall Santa 2017

A look back through the years: * 2005 * 2006 * 2007 * 2008 * 2009 * 2010 * 2011 * 2012 * 2013 * 2014 * 2015 * 2016 * And the tradition continues, because why not just keep it going 'til college at this point? I believe this is our best one yet, by far. In conclusion... ...and many happy LOLs and much hamming to you and yours. Read more →


Stuff Poppy Ate

A continuation. 1,498) IKE'S FRONT TOOTH I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. Ike came home from school soooooo excited (and sooooooooo adorably gap-toothed) yesterday, because his top front tooth fell out on the bus. He'd been waiting to lose that tooth for what felt like ages. "I look like a REAL first-grader now!" he announced proudly. And then he accidentally dropped the tooth on the kitchen floor. And then Poppy ate it. What. The. Fuck. Dog. One gulp, and it was gone, like so many dropped Cheerios before it. Ike burst into tears. "BAD DOG, Poppy!" he wailed, as we all rushed to console him. "We'll write the Tooth Fairy a letter!" Ezra proposed, ever the problem solver. "I lost a tooth in the OCEAN once." Noah reminded him. "And the Tooth Fairy still came! I got like $20!" (Thankfully this infamous conversation did not repeat itself.) Indeed, the Tooth Fairy was quite sympathetic to Ike's letter and explanation of "MY DOG ATE MY TOOTH" and left him five whole dollars. He rubbed Poppy's belly this morning before school and told her he forgave her and was sorry for calling her bad (since you can literally see her spirit collapse and... Read more →


Much Adulting Wow Not Really

Hello! It's been a bit. I have been quite the diligent little worker bee this past week, as one of my part-time freelancing clients suddenly morphed into a full-time 40+ hours stress monster. On the one hand, it always feels good to be extra productive (and hey, I'm paid hourly so MAKE IT RAIN OVERTIME), but on the other hand, weeks like that always serve as a reminder that I am so wired for freelancing and much prefer jumping from project to project throughout the day. (I didn't have any time to write about poop or in-laws all week! ) Otherwise my brain goes numb and I sort of slither off my chair from the mental exhaustion of Actual Grown-up Human Work at the end of the day. I am such a baby. They should probably not be feeding me so much coffee. Anyway, things are much calmer this week, except that we're hosting Friendsgiving this weekend and my anxiety is up to ELEVENSIES because either no one will come and it will be a disaster, or everyone will come and it will be a disaster. There is no in-between, obviously, also we didn't get the hardwood floor project started... Read more →


Momentary Hairz Distractions

This week is garbage. Everything is garbage. Somebody, anybody, please step away from you Halloween candy wrapper nest and clean up all this garbage! Speaking of Halloween, though: Ike is like, okay that's done, let's break out the Christmas jammies, spike up our hairz and DANCE. This has been your complimentary Tuesday dose of Not Garbage. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the tub. I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN THAT, YOU TWO. LEAVE ME ALONE. Read more →


The Kindness of Internet Strangers

When we last checked in on Ezra's beloved Hobbes, he was not doing so great. SHOCKINGLY, his condition has not improved over time. He is worn and threadbare, his body covered in holes and his painted eyeballs faded into plain white plastic cataracts. Considering he's like, a 25-cent toy from a Dave & Buster's claw machine that Ezra takes everywhere, it's probably a miracle he's held on for this long. But still, I asked if anyone knew where I could procure a replacement Hobbes-like tiger. Well look what just showed up, right in time to go trick-or-treating tonight with Calvinz and his red wagon: Everybody say hi to Hobbes II! Thank you so so SO MUCH to reader Michelle for kindly and generously donating her time and mad sewing skills to make this adorable Hobbes for Ezra. (WHO IS SO THRILLED TWO HOBBES THAT'S TWICE AS MANY HOBBES GUYS!) He carefully packed him in his backpack last night for today's school parade, then snuck back downstairs to retrieve him because "Hobbes I is having trouble sleeping without his buddy." (Also last night: "Hobbes I is staying home tomorrow because he says he's too old for parades.") (Also this morning: I... Read more →


Hams on Tour

As I mentioned in Monday's post, we spent Ezra's birthday weekend in the Poconos, at the super-family-and-kid-friendly Woodloch resort. (This is not a sponsored post. I was invited as a travel writer for AlphaMom, where a proper review-type post will appear soon. Woodloch comped our room and meals, but beyond that I'm not being paid for this post, or nor am I obligated to post about the trip at all. But like I would EVER pass up a chance to bore y'all with a bunch of my vacation photos, lololol.) (I bet they knew that, too.) ANYWAY, the boys had a ton of fun. There were: Bumper cars! (Not pictured, me, who went on them one whole time!) Go-karts! (Not pictured, Ike, who was like naaaahhhhhh don't think so.) (This was more his speed.) An indoor pool! And hot tub! And waterslide! And Halloween costumes, characters and bonus treat-or-treating! (Ezra went as Calvin [and Hobbes], Ike as Woody and Not-Pictured-Noah was Marty McFly again.) (And yes, that last one is indeed David! S! Pumpkins!) A petting zoo, pumpkin patch and painting... And ham. So much ham. (That was us "practicing" our scared faces just before I took him on his... Read more →


Some Update-y Odds & Ends

Ike had his weight check and successfully gained a pound. Not a huge amount, but enough to satisfy his pediatrician for now. He also shot up ANOTHER inch in height, so I think we have our answer as to where his body prefers to utilize it's calories: Towards total devotion to the fine art of outgrowing all his damn clothes. Meanwhile, I gained like five pounds during the same time period, as the switch to whole milk string cheese did nothing to impact my personal string cheese consumption. Luckily! I am healed enough to ride my bike every day again! Which was a thing that started happening this summer, much to my own lazy ass' surprise. And it was one of the first things I whined about after breaking my elbow, perhaps because I knew that I'd prove perfectly capable of eating string cheese left handed. I am staying off hills and could probably get smoked by a toddler on training wheels, but still. I am outside doing a thing! Back in the realm of the Inside Kids, Ezra came home from school last week and announced that he was taking up the violin, as it has been his life... Read more →