Aaaaaaaaand...crash. I woke up this morning and felt it: The last of the adrenaline left my body, probably out my ears and through the spaces in between my toes. You know what I'm talking about. I'm so anti-confrontation (what if the Imaginary Authority Figures shush me for being too loud?) that this week's Unfortunate Unpleasantess kept me amped and on edge for several days and nights, until: BAM. WHOOSH. On the plus side, I am no longer stomping around my house, composing endless emails and blog entries in my head or engaging in imaginary arguments with the walls. (Fuck you,... Read more →

To Whom It May Concern

Or, Hey Girl, I Heard You Were Blogging My Blogs On Your Blog, And Then Again On A Blog That Paid You To Blog, But You Were Blogging My Blogs And Not Your Blogs, In Other Words Stealing Stuff I Wrote Which I Am Pretty Sure Is Not Cool, Girl Or, Choice Excerpts From The Most Fun Email I Have Ever Had The Honor Of Writing Dear You, Well. It's unfortunate that we had to be introduced under these circumstances. Before I go any further, allow me to tell you a little about myself. I think some of this may... Read more →

This Is Some Award-Losing Nonsense, Right Here

In honor of my shiny new super-organized (for now, but check back in 30 seconds) office, I present an entry without any topic at all. But disorganized, stream-of-consciousness writing is a valid art form as long as you do it while sitting in a chair, at a desk. FACT. Are you sitting at a desk? I have just legitimized everything you do today. You are a serious professional and nothing will change that. Go on, drip yogurt on yourself. You've earned it. Apologies to the non-desk sitters in the audience. I was you! All the way up until yesterday! And... Read more →

All Blogs Are Hideous At Age Eight. It's Quite Normal.

Oh my God, you guys, this blog is eight years old today. Eight years, I have been blabbering on about whatever it is I blabber on about. No wonder I'm running about of things to say. Can't I just tell the volcano story again? Or the oven fire or the bird or Newark and also luggage cart? Could I perhaps start a business selling ready-made birth stories for today's busy modern momblogger who is too busy writing sponsored product reviews to deal with the whole messy, overwrought emo side of the business? Eight years. I was in my 20s, in... Read more →

Voices Babbling

So you know what I decided I needed? I needed another blog. Or maybe it was a hole in the head. From which even MORE of my every vapid, passing thought could flow more freely out of. Anyway, I done got my arm twisted into blogging about...oh my God, you guys, I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO BLOG ABOUT. I was actually sold on the idea of these salon-style conversational things we'll be doing with all the Babble bloggers, but we aren't actually doing those yet, so in the meantime I have nothing to talk about. So I'm... Read more →

All Is Love (And Really Freaking Attractive Conference Attendees)

Okay, this is my last post about BlogHer*, I promise. After this, it's back to baby pictures pictures and...I don't know. Deodorants or whatever the hell. Plus, I'll make this short, because this video pretty much says it all, and says it better: Thanks so much to Ryan of Pacing the Panic Room for -- once again! -- putting together the perfect video of Sparklecorn (AKA The Party That Led Me Briefly Into a Life of Crime & Grand Theft Luggage Cart). And for making the part where I climbed on the table to take bites directly out of... Read more →

BlogHer Part Two Kind Of

My best story from the conference, other than hanging out with old friends and meeting new ones and also MOJITOS, occurred about three hours prior to Sparklecorn. And like ALL of my best stories, this one predictably involves me going to pieces over something trivial. Basically, CAPS LOCKing all over the place, but live and in real time. I was trying to figure out how to get five rather large boxes from the package room at the hotel over to the party location next door. These five boxes contained about 4,000 multi-colored glow necklaces and bracelets, which are a Sparklecorn... Read more →

BlogHer Part One But Not Really

God, isn't BlogHer just the worst? First, we all bore our readers with ZOMG I'M GOING TO BLOGHER posts. Then we go to BlogHer and don't post anything because we're so busy and crazy or can't get on the hotel wifi or are basically, just drunk as shit the whole time. Then we come home and don't post anything because we're so tired out from BlogHer. Or if we do post anything, it's all, "ZOMG I'M SO TIRED FROM BLOGHER." And then followed by some random crappy photos we took with our phone that don't make any sense because you... Read more →

And Then Suddenly, BlogHer!

OH RIGHT THAT. I leave tomorrow. I am not packed. I am not caught up with any of my deadlines for later in the week. I am undeniably sick with a cold and woke up this morning to an Attack Of The Eyebrow Zits, Like WTF I Never Get Eyebrow Zits But IT SURE DOES FIGURE. I am currently calling my hair salon every hour on the hour to inquire about cancellations because my roots are visible from space and my color has faded to a drab strawberry blonde that does not look particularly good on me, although it sure... Read more →

I Really Hate Coming Up With Titles Some Days. (There. Done!)

And two days's still a boy! What? Not quite as exciting anymore? Damn these follow-up posts. They're such a letdown. I spent all day yesterday in rapid reverse-gear, solely fixated on my older existing-model child and visiting our kindergarten options for next year. A variety of special education flavors and regular strength. I started off the day with a pre-existing belief in one of them, only to end up with that belief shaken and stirred and coming home to wail that I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THEM, EVERYTHING IS WRONG. One option is too this and the other is... Read more →