So we need to talk about Max. He turned 17 in October, and while we've been saying things like "if he's still here in a year we'll be incredibly lucky" for...well, several years now, there's no denying his age-related decline has officially accelerated over the past couple months. He is moving slower, and less. His appetite is unpredictable and oh my lands, he's just so tiny and frail and...old. The weight loss is the worst. He once topped the scales at a whopping 15 pounds of mostly muscle. He now weighs barely 7. He is skin and fur and bones. Holding him feels like holding a fragile and weirdly elongated kitten. The thing is, he's not sick. Or in any pain or discomfort (other than your typical age-related complaints, like stiff joints, fading eyesight/hearing, and a highly delicate digestive system). I mean, I'm sure if I took him to the... Read more →


We have (some) cabinets! That was as of last night, actually. By the time I left to take Ike to school we already had a few more, and the foyer looked like it was getting the final prep for tile. IT'S ALL HAPPENING. It turns out getting your kitchen remodeled is a bit like being pregnant. "How long will it take?" is the new "So what's your birth plan?" and then everybody really just wants to talk about how they were in labor for 175 hours before an unmedicated breech birth and also THEIR kitchen remodel started five years ago and STILL isn't done, so ha ha good luck with your "two to three weeks" and also your vaginal delivery. So far, so good, is all I can and will say. It probably helps that we're not doing any major structural changes, and also that the house isn't that old... Read more →


This post is sponsored by Adams™ Flea & Tick Control Products THINGS CEIBA NO LIKE: 1) MAILMAN 2) FOOD THAT IS NOT WAFFLES 3) CHILDREN WHO NO SHARE WAFFLES 4) WHEN CAT STEALS BEST SUNBEAM SPOT 5) FLEAS AND TICKS Things Max is not particularly a fan of: 1) Online meme-y catspeak that really demeans us all, if you think about it 2) Not being fed right this second 3) Or this second 4) Dog getting up in his face while he’s just trying to chill in a sunbeam 5) Fleas and ticks I remain neutral on the great sunbeam turf war but at least I’ve got them thoroughly covered on number 5, thanks to Adams™ Flea & Tick Control Products. Oh yeah. IT’S ON. While I can’t think of ANYTHING that ISN’T terrible about a flea infestation, I will say the WORST part is the re-infestation, right when you... Read more →


Some work-from-home days are more amusing than others. My home office is a goddamned disgrace right now, completely cluttered and messy and disorganized, and naturally my solution is to simply ignore the problem and work somewhere else, like at the kitchen counter. I'm sharing my workspace with a few stray Bioncles and breakfast crumbs, but overall it's a much more soothing environment. Of course, working in the kitchen means my brain is only a few feet from the refrigerator and it KNOWS it, so I didn't make it very long before the snack cravings took over. I decided to have a slice of BBQ chicken lunch meat, because lean protein and portion control and the five pounds my ass managed to gain in Vermont. Then I went to the bathroom. (Okay wow sorry I thought this story would be funny but my god it's taking forever and is full of... Read more →


Would you like to know how to get lipstick off of a cat? Blue Dawn. Blue Dawn is how to get lipstick off of a cat. how to get lipstick off of a cat blue Dawn is how to get lipstick off of a cat fuck yeah keywords blue Dawn gets lipstick off cats get lipstick off of a cat with blue Dawn I'm pretty sure this isn't how SEO works anymore Amy how to get lipstick off of a cat blue Dawn there's no stopping me now because I know how to get lipstick off of a cat you know how BLUE DAWN that's how do I think there's super heavy search engine competition for "how to get lipstick off of a cat" or something (FYI blue Dawn in how you get lipstick off of a cat) no I just want to help anyone else who needs to get... Read more →


Ugh. What an awful week. Way to go, 2015. Way to go. I feel stupid even telling this story right now, but since I don't think there will be an Official Moment When It's Okay To Blog About The Time My Child Painted Our Cat With The Contents Of My Makeup Bag, let's just get throw this crap out there like a shiny, distracting set of jangly keys. So. Tuesday. It was a snow day around here, and a long-ass one at that. Jason and I were in the kitchen making dinner. We'd already blown through our Blue Apron meals for the week and had to fend for ourselves with the menu-planning, which predictably led to us choosing and committing to a delicious-looking chicken recipe while completely missing that it involved an HOUR and FORTY-FIVE MINUTES of active cooking time. The boys were all in the foyer, building a giant... Read more →


This post is sponsored by Fancy Feast® Broths. This post is also going to talk about cat barf. Like a lot. Sorrynotsorry. Maximillian Thunderdome will be celebrating his 16th birthday this year. 16 years of being RIGHT HERE, directly underfoot, begging for food. Food that — in most cases — would not agree with his system, and would promptly get regurgitated all over the throw rug. Or the bathroom floor. Or our bed. My office chair, a pile of laundry, you name it, this cat has barfed on it. After a ton of trial-and-error, we eventually figured out a diet and feeding schedule that works — wet food ONLY, fed in small, dainty portions spaced out five to six times a day. Ceiba now must be fed outside, and outside ONLY, lest Max gain access to her kibble and wreak havoc on his digestion, because he has not a single... Read more →


Okay. So yeah. This probably looks kinda bad. Like he's got the poor cat in a chokehold. Like the poor cat can't wait to get away from this grabby lunatic. In reality, Max is just getting all the love he can get before Ike gets distracted by something else. And even then he's like, "It's okay. I'll just wait here. I love you too, Kid." DISCLOSURE: This all happened on Wednesday. So here is what is happening right now, in real time: sup ladiez. im snuggly and awesome. Read more →


Ceiba has requested an opportunity to respond to yesterday's post. GURL, CRY ME A FREAKING WATER DISH. U HAZ NO IDEA THE WEEK I HAZD. WHEN I WAS INSIDE I WANTED OUTSIDE. ONCE I GOT OUTSIDE I NO LONGER WANTED TO BE OUTSIDE AND YET I REMAINED OUTSIDE AND IT WAS AWFUL. SAME DEAL WITH UR BEDROOM DOOR, GURL. WHY U CLOSE IT? GOOD NEWS IS I HAZ ALMOST FINISHED SCRATCHING OFF ALL THAT NEW PAINT U PUT ON IT. UR WELCOME. I REMAIN UNABLE TO STOP THE MADDENING FLOW OF MAIL NO MATTER HOW MUCH I FEROCIOUSLY BARK LIKE FEROCIOUS DESTROYER OF MAIL. YEARS, I HAVE BEEN AT THIS. SO MANY FUTILE, WASTED YEARS. AM GREY FROM STRESS OF IT ALL. TELL THE MEDIUM ONE THANX FOR BRUSHING ME WITH THE WOODCHIP, THO. WAS WEIRD BUT ALSO KINDA WORKED AND I DUG IT. THAT ONE OKAY IN MY BOOK.... Read more →


God, even *I* can't handle that last post anymore. Subject change! Subject change! I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine hand flaps hand flaps deflecting humor GAH. Moving right along. Some of you may be interested in hearing that yes, I still do have a cat. And he is still as delightfully, clichedly cat-like as ever. He will not hunt mice or stink bugs or crickets, but goddamn it, those motherfucking blind cords are gonna get themselves a vicious mauling and shredding. YOU SHALL NOT MENACE MY FAMILY, BLIND CORDS. He's 14 now, which: Not a fan of thinking about that. His stomach is a lot more sensitive and he's gone from being a solid muscular tank of a cat to one who is...thin. Lightweight. More delicate and bony. He's old, basically. But still happy and cuddly and enjoying his life of non-stop leisure mixed with fresh sink water, uppity fancy... Read more →