This post is sponsored by thredUP. I was folding Ike's laundry recently and came across some clothing that had...seen better days, to put it nicely. Shirts and pants with permanent stains, worn-out seams, holes started to emerge at the knees and elbows. All clothing that had been passed down to him; most of it previously worn by both of his older brothers. Hand-me-downs are a wonderful thing, but we're definitely stretching the limits of them at this point. Ike so rarely gets new clothing that's just for HIM, he gets irrationally excited over new pajamas or a cheap souvenir t-shirt. One morning he came bursting into my room to thank me for the new bag of socks I'd emptied into his drawer. Socks! New ones! Look Ma, no holes! Poor third child. Enter thredUP. I shopped at thredUP a lot back in the day when it was a parent-to-parent kids' clothing swap service. It's since evolved to a really amazing online consignment store, packed with both kids' and women's clothing -- along with a pretty big selection of high-end and designer brands. (Which always makes my clicking finger start to itch.) The kids’ section is GREAT because I can buy... Read more →


Her?

The very first item on Ezra's Christmas list was a "radio." Something that, once upon a time, would've been a pretty straightforward request. Except that I knew he probably didn't have the faintest clue what an actual, traditional "radio" is or does, and even I was like, "do they even...make those...anymore?" After asking him some leading questions, I was able to confirm that yes, the child who still sometimes tries to swipe left at magazines had some pretty unrealistic expectations about what his "radio" would do. He wants to listen to music in his room, but like, whatever music he wants, whenever he wants it. For free. MEANWHILE: Flashbacks to my very first radio/cassette player combo deck, where I would obsessively switch between two or three radio stations, hoping to catch a "good song," while keeping my fingers poised over the record button so I could BLAM, capture it on a sloppy cassette mixtape, also GOD would it kill the DJ to STOP TALKING YOU'RE RUINING MY JAM. (True Story: To this day, whenever I hear the opening bars of George Michael's Never Gonna Dance Again I mentally congratulate Bethany from Bensalem for scoring free concert tickets.) We have several... Read more →


It's cold and icy and blah out there, but I seem to have mostly recovered from whatever cold/sinus bullshit was going on last week. Or else I've just accepted that not being able to breathe through my nose super-comfortably is the way I live now, and probably will until spring, when the pollen comes along to fully suffocate me from inside my own face. (Yes, I'm going to see an allergist for testing and shots and all that, but clearly I am not ready to let go of my gloomy pessimism and penchant for colorful language about the mucus situation.) There's shockingly little to report from around here, honestly. The kids get up, go to school, and even the level of morning chaos is at an all-time low. Everybody takes care of their own shit, I float around the edges offering reminders about library books and lunch boxes, then tsk tsk after they've barreled out the front door because we still aren't 100% on clearing your own breakfast dishes or throwing away your banana peel. Speaking of bananas, both real and figurative, Ezra had a playdate this weekend at a neighbor's house. I'm sorry to report that his long-time engagement... Read more →


I came down with a bad cold on New Year's Eve, and ever since have been stuck in a "I'm feeling better/wait no I'm not" loop. Is it the same cold? A new cold? Allergies? Some kind of combination cold/mold sinus monster? I have no idea anymore, but I do know that it's making me look and feel like this: i am comfy but also grumpy leave me alone in couch buttcrack okay? I continue to force myself to rise up from the couch buttcrack occasionally, so as not to undo some of the small mental health best practices and small victories I've achieved over the last couple weeks: I've added at least 30 minutes a day of circuit training-type exercise to my 30 minutes a day of SAD lamp time, and while I know this is not BRAND NEW INFORMATION or anything, and merely proves I have the memory of a goldfish, but: Wow! Getting regular exercise sure does help! Whodathunkit, golly gee, alert the lamestream media, etc. I don't know how many times I've learned this exact lesson, and every time -- EVERY TIME -- I swear up and down that that this time -- THIS TIME --... Read more →


Happy New Year! I personally couldn't be happier to drop-kick 2016 like an underinflated football, although I can't quite shake my suspicion that 2016 was just an elaborate viral marketing campaign for all the shit that's about to go down THIS YEAR. Look, I uncovered the subliminal messaging in AMC's Walking Dead ads: WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! LIVE! Or dead. Who even can say anymore. If there was one super genuinely good thing from last year (besides my children and marriage and home and the fact that I have some pets that DIDN'T die blah blah blah), it was that I watched a lot of television. Here's one of those end-of-year round-up style posts that most people publish in December but I'm a rebel. Also because this idea just occurred to me this morning. Reason I'm Secretly So Cool With Jason Hanging Out With His Friends Because I Get To Stay Home and Watch This Over and Over: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reasons Neither of Us Are Allowed to Make Plans On Sunday Nights: Westworld, Game of Thrones Newest Cosplay Obsession: Westworld Most Novelty T-Shirt Tie-ins Purchased: Stranger Things Shows I Am Over: The Walking Dead, See Above, NEGAN, South Park Show With... Read more →


Happy New Year! I personally couldn't be happier to drop-kick 2016 like an underinflated football, although I can't quite shake my suspicion that 2016 was just an elaborate viral marketing campaign for all the shit that's about to go down THIS YEAR. Look, I uncovered the subliminal messaging in AMC's Walking Dead ads: WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! LIVE! Or dead. Who even can say anymore. If there was one super genuinely good thing from last year (besides my children and marriage and home and the fact that I have some pets that DIDN'T die blah blah blah), it was that I watched a lot of television. Here's one of those end-of-year round-up style posts that most people publish in December but I'm a rebel. Also because this idea just occurred to me this morning. Reason I'm Secretly So Cool With Jason Hanging Out With His Friends Because I Get To Stay Home and Watch This Over and Over: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reasons Neither of Us Are Allowed to Make Plans On Sunday Nights: Westworld, Game of Thrones Newest Cosplay Obsession: Westworld Most Novelty T-Shirt Tie-ins Purchased: Stranger Things Shows I Am Over: The Walking Dead, See Above, NEGAN, South Park Show With... Read more →


We're home, at last and finally, after a longer-than-intended pit stop in PA trying to replaced a blown tire on the minivan. No, not THAT tire. That tire was successfully installed and is working just fine. Another tire. There was an incident in Valley Forge involving my in-laws and a wrong turn and conflicting GPS directions and a curb collision while we were still in NYC. So while at least this incident did not involve any more Foyer Tires, the hassle and unexpected expense of it all means 2016 -- along with everything else that was good and pure -- has gone and destroyed the whimsy and weirdness of #TIREWATCH, because neither of us want to hear another word about tires again. 2016, man. Please wrap this shit up already. Our house no longer looks like this, but the aftermath of all of this, plus somehow three times as many Amazon boxes piled up in hallways and corners. And now suitcases and even more gifts from grandparents and friends. Noah came home from school last Friday, sat me down and demanded to know the truth about Santa. Jason and I agreed that we'd continue to play along this year, as... Read more →


Hi! Hi hi hi. I am writing this, live and in-person from New York City, but on my phone because I cannot get the hotel's WiFi to work. So I shall be brief because this feels like I'm typing a really really long text message and the only times I write really really long text messages is because I'm either super mad at someone ("here is everything I would say to you on the phone but won't because I don't call people on the phone!! thus I shall attempt to resolve our conflict in the least productive way!!")...or if I've been ignoring their text message for a long time and have to explain my bullshit reasons for doing that. So since I'm not mad at anyone, let me state that my bullshit reasons for ignoring my blog are 1) yesterday was my birthday, 2) Jason surprised me with a little just-us getaway to NYC, and 3) I'm 39 now, Jesus. I feel like that will be an excuse for a lot of things, going forward. The weather here has been gorgeous so we've mostly just done a lot of aimless walking, shopping and drifting from wine bar to wine bar.... Read more →


Ha ha, look at me. I'm funny. WHAT THE WHAT THE FRESHEST OF HELLS NO NOT AGAIN JASON PLZ I AM BEGGING YOU OMG WHAT Touché, you ridiculous bastard. (FML! Hope everybody enjoys their holidays this weekend! I am frantically emailing teachers [so many teachers, holy shit] last-minute gift cards while pretending that was my plan all along and not because I forgot and then I have to go buy food for Christmas dinner and take Beau to the groomers and the kids to see Rogue One [MOST IMPORTANT] and yes, replace a tire on the minivan because there's a slow leak and I am a grown-up who is in charge of my car, my destiny and also my motherfucking foyer.) Read more →


Me: Okay Ike, it's time to write your Christmas list for Santa. Ike: Yay! How do you spell Dinosaur Flitcher? Me: ...huh? Ike: Dinosaur. Flitcher. That's what I want the most. Me: Dinosaur...Flitcher? Ike: No, not Flitcher. Flitcher. Me: Could you maybe describe it and does it have anything to do with Star Trek. Ike: It flitches between dinosaurs that are alive and then are dead. Me: You mean switches? A Dinosaur Switcher? Ike: Yes. How do I spell that. Me: Like...is it a flip book? A game or something? Ike: Mom. It's a Power Rangers toy. It's made of dinosaurs and flitches around so the dinosaurs can be alive and then be dead when you kill them. Me: WELL THAT SOUNDS APPROPRIATE Me Again: hands Ike phone with "power rangers dinosaur" search loaded on Amazon because not 100% sure this is even a thing that exists Ike: starting to doubt who, exactly, he is writing this list for, the magic all-knowing present man or his incompetent mother Ike: My friend has one. It's awesome and shaped like a rectangle. Me: Very helpful details. But is it available for Amazon Prime. Ike: points to listing That's it! The Dinosaur Flitcher!... Read more →